Bruce Bochy Brings His 3 World Series Rings to the Stinky Ass Texas Rangers

Bruce Bochy is one of the greatest managers in Major League Baseball history. After riding off into the sunset in 2019, Bochy is being dragged back into baseball for one last ride with the Texas Rangers of all teams.

Bruce Bochy has been hired as manager of the Texas Rangers, agreeing to a three-year contract covering the 2023-25 seasons. pic.twitter.com/trH7Di13SB

— Texas Rangers PR (@TXRangersPR) October 21, 2022

“As we went through the interview process, Bruce’s passion and excitement about returning to the dugout was very evident. It became clear he was the ideal individual to lead our club as we continue to build a championship culture here in Arlington,”

Really have to feel bad for Bruce. One of the most accomplished managers ever and he’s rushing back and smiling ear-to-ear in his interview with the fucking Rangers. I hope things are okay in his home. Either that or his bookie is breathing down his neck and he needs a major stream of income asap.

Last season, the Rangers finished 68-94 and fired Chris Woodward. This year is even more disappointing when you remember the massive spending spree they went on in the offseason.

Here are a few of the contracts they handed out for 68 wins”

Corey Seager 10-year $325 million
Marcus Semien 7-year $175 million
Jon Gray 4-year $56 million
Brad Miller 2-year $10 million

68 wins.

If you’re a Rangers fan (lol) then you can convince yourself this team is finally turning in the right direction. Not only was the manager fired but Jon Daniels—the 17-year top executive of the team responsible for all of this franchise’s stink.

For context, Joey Gallo was drafted in the first round by the Rangers in 2012. Texas’s next 15 first-round draft picks have a combined negative WAR. The ONLY first-round pick to have a WAR greater than 1 is Dillon Tate—who plays for the Orioles and never once played for the Rangers.

The biggest problem with the Rangers was the job security in the front office. Shout out to Kip Fagg, the team’s scouting director since 2009. Reminder: the Rangers have no idea how to draft players and the scouting director has maintained his job since Obama was sworn into office.

I guess that’s the good news for Bochy. He’ll keep his job as long as he wants it regardless of wins and losses. But for a man who had the most successful 5-year span in baseball history with the Giants, we must all pray for Bruce.