Michael Porter Jr Can Save The WNBA

Growing up, it felt like most athletes were foolish Neanderthals. They’d hit homers or catch touchdowns and then say the most confusingly stupid nonsense whenever a microphone was put in front of them.

I’m talking Rafael Palmeiro going in front of Congress and angrily saying he’s never done steroids like, a week before he failed a steroid test or Plaxico Burress shooting himself in the leg before the Super Bowl.

There was a point in time when I felt like Manny Ramirez would’ve failed any test you put in front of him. A college exam, a driving exam, a Buzzfeed personality quiz—athletes used to only know how to play sports and nothing else.

I watched a video of Stephon Marbury eating vasoline. These athletes dedicated their lives to excelling in their sport—not literature or knowing information.

This is why I love Michael Porter Jr from the Denver Nuggets.

MPJ is a throwback to the days before smartphones and instant access to Wikipedia—back when if you didn’t know something, you either had to head to the library or just keep working on your left-handed dribble.

In 2020, Michael Porter Jr went on Snapchat and shared his brilliant thoughts on the entire pandemic:

“Personally, I think that the coronavirus is being used obviously for a bigger agenda. It’s being used for population control in just terms of being able to control the masses of people.

“Because of this virus, the whole world is being controlled. You’re required to wear masks, and who knows what’ll happen when this vaccine comes out. You might have to have the vaccine in order to travel. That’d be crazy.”

We don’t have to deep dive into why this is so dumb but for those who believe the entire pandemic was some ‘agenda’ to ‘control’ people, you are not uncovering some hidden truth. You simply don’t understand how the world works. The people in power have one main objective: generating wealth. It does not behoove them to have entire countries and economies shut down and no one working or operating their businesses so they can ‘control’ people by making them wear a fucking face mask or whatever. Covid wasn’t an illusion. Millions of people died across the planet.

But these are the types of comments we used to get from athletes on the regular.

If the pandemic happened in 2002, Gary Sheffield would’ve punched Bud Selig in the face for suggesting he put a vaccine in his body¹.

Michael Porter Jr also urged his followers to pray for the police following the brutal slaughtering of George Floyd in Minnesota when the cops kneeled on his neck until he died because Floyd used a counterfeit $20 to buy cigarettes up the block. People wanted to burn cities to the ground and MPJ wanted us to take a moment and pray for the police. Thank you, Michael.

🚨NEW MICHAEL PORTER JR DUMB SHIT DROPPED🚨

Last week, Michael Porter Jr once again, somehow found his way in front of another microphone and decided to share his thoughts on WNBA players wanting to make money and how he would go about drawing more interest in their league.

“it’s not as exciting basketball” coming from michael porter jr is hilarious pic.twitter.com/NE3k9RlLHq

— maddy 🍉 (@phxsunz25) February 3, 2024

MPJ does not disappoint in this clip. He is on his best behavior, attempting to be respectful and genuinely appears to understand why WNBA players are frustrated with their salaries while simultaneously comparing them to Ping Pong players and calling them females over and over.

If you’re a WNBA fan, I’m sure the ending of this clip was the most frustrating part for you. Hearing these guys suggest lowering the rim so the women can dunk is silly considering dunking occupies such a tiny portion of NBA content.

Steph Curry dunks once a year and he’s the most popular basketball player on the planet. I watch every Knicks game. I’ve never seen Jalen Brunson dunk. I’m not even sure I’ve ever seen him jump. He’s the most exciting player in franchise history since the 70s.

I promise you, women wouldn’t magically make millions of dollars if they started dunking. The WNBA needs bigger TV deals and larger marketing budgets to advertise their stars better and get them stuck in people’s minds.

Every year, more and more talented players get drafted into the league which is making the product better. These ~~women~~ females are better shooters and ballhandlers than they ever were in the past. I have full faith that with enough eyes on them, they can take the WNBA to the next level.

I pray the WNBA reaches a level of popularity where random players start going on podcasts and saying the dumbest shit just like Michael Porter Jr. That’s when we’ll know their league has really made it. Someone ask A’Ja Wilson about Q-Anon please.