Lauren Boebert and Kid Rock Are Just Two Crazy Kids In Love

We live in a world of constant negativity. Pessimism has become the default setting as we close ourselves off from connecting with others—fearing rejection as we retreat back into our isolated internet caves, siloed off from human touch.

Colorado Representative Lauren Boebert has had a fairly public search for happiness.

A couple years back, Boebert attempted to have a quiet little first date, while actively going to court to finalize her divorce.

All she wanted to do was see the local Beetlejuice play with her new male suitor…and vape…and sing along…and record the performance on her phone….and jerk the dude off—and she became the target of outrage.

But homegirl didn’t give up. Her pursuit of love continued.

She persists.

Following a big day celebrating the rise of our new overlord, Donald Trump—Lauren Boebert had her Cinderella moment as cameras caught her leaving the inauguration human sacrifice after party with rock superstar and Bud Light adversary, Kid Rock.

TMZ had previously revealed that the two enthusiastic advocates of President Donald Trump and the Second Amendment were partying together at one of the inaugural bashes, with a source saying: “Lauren was totally transfixed by the rock star, yapping away, doing a little dance, and clapping like she was front row at his concert—basically giving Kid Rock all the hype he needed.”

Now it seems they were keen to keep the conversation going into the even smaller hours, the New York Post reports. (Source)

Let this be a lesson to everyone going into Valentine’s Day 2025.

Don’t give up on love.

Someday, you can consume too much social media—turning you into an unhinged sociopath dedicated to “saving” America from imaginary threats—leading you to an invitation to the inauguration of a man you are obsessed with even though if you were on life support and he was told “Mr. Trump, we can fully save Lauren Boebert but you have to sacrifice one minute from your own lifespan“, he would walk out of the room before the doctor even finished her sentence—and end up meeting the love of your life, Kid Rock—a man who looks like a before picture they show in pamphlets at the local suboxone clinic.

I’ve seen enough mid-2000s comedies to know that every great relationship starts with a drunk one-night stand.

We may be witnessing the start of D.C.’s newest power couple—as the two join forces to make sure every school shooter is properly equipped with the correct ammo to slaughter as many of their classmates as possible.

Shoot your shot this Valentine’s Day.

If Lauren Boebert and Kid Rock can find love in these uneasy times then so can you, reader—who I assume is significantly less mentally ill than these two megalomaniacs American heroes.

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