Kristaps Porzingis Solves None of the Boston Celtics Problems

As I write this, the Boston Celtics are finalizing with the Washington Wizards for Kristaps Porzingis. Let’s let Shams share the details of the deal:

Breaking: Celtics, Wizards, Clippers are closing in on a trade sending Kristaps Porzingis to Boston, Malcolm Brogdon to L.A., and Marcus Morris and draft compensation to Washington, sources tell @TheAthletic @Stadium.

— Shams Charania (@ShamsCharania) June 21, 2023

Porzingis is bringing in 23.2 points, 8.4 rebounds and 2.7 assists on 49% shooting from the field and 38% from 3. Kristaps had career highs in almost every single statistical category. At age 27, it looked like Porzingis finally figured out the league. Good for him.

But the Wizards were 35-47 this season. The Celtics rushed to give up a crucial member of their 57-win team to get a guy who put up a bunch of big numbers in meaningless basketball games—most of which resulted in big fat L’s.

I think the biggest reason this version of the Celtics can’t win a title is how afraid they play in the postseason. When the games get close, Boston forgets how to play basketball. Jaylen Brown dribbles the ball out of bounds off his own feet or he jumps in the air before rocketing a pass directly into the chest of a defender.

Porzingis has one full playoff series under his belt. That is not a player you acquire when your problem is how anxious the team is when the stakes are highest. Kristaps has never shown how he’d handle that level of adversity. He became the face of the Knicks and demanded a trade when it got kinda hard for him.

The Celtics also lack playmakers. If they had a guy on the roster who was skilled in getting players the ball and setting them up to succeed, they’d have an NBA championship by now.

Marcus Smart isn’t a playmaker. He wants to chuck 3’s and fly into the front row whenever a player makes eye contact with him in an attempt to draw a foul.

Jayson Tatum is addicted to this Mamba Mentality bullshit where you take the worst, most difficult shots possible to prove you’re the man or whatever.

This is Jaylen Brown:

Jaylen Brown had 8 Turnovers last night.

2 Offensive fouls
1 Bad pass
5 live Dribble turnovers. All of his dribble turnovers occurred after the ball was in his left hand. pic.twitter.com/Q1k0OaWba5

— DJ (@ACE_ZULLO) May 30, 2023

Malcolm Brogdon’s job was to go out there and make the right decisions with the ball. He stole the Sixth Man of the Year from Immanuel Quickley for some reason. Brogdon can dribble and pass which sounds basic but ,yea, look at Jaylen Brown, man.

The Celtics need to upgrade the point guard position and instead, they have Kristaps Porzingis coming off their bench providing a skillset the team does not need and bringing what always felt like odd vibes. He got jumped in his hometown when he went back to Latvia a few years back. His own hood doesn’t even fuck with him. I certainly don’t want to spend half the year traveling with him around the country.

It’s possible the Celtics moved on from Malcolm Brogdon because Payton Pritchard declared he was unhappy with his role and requested a trade. Man, that Payton Pritchard/Kristaps Porzingis pick and roll is going to be tough next season when the Celtics are down a million points in every game and Pritchard gets all those garbage minutes.

Brad Stevens is having an interesting run as Boston’s GM. On one hand, he signed Enes Kanter which is a terrible move. On the other hand, he cut Enes Kanter which is a hilarious move. So I’m conflicted.

Perhaps Kristaps can take the torch from Al Horford and be the next big man in Massachussets when Horford retires soon. Perhaps he’ll just be Kristaps Porzingis and chuck up a bunch of stupid 3’s like everyone on this team is already addicted to doing.

Jimmy Butler is going to dogwalk this team again.

Stray Kristaps Porzingis Boston Celtics thoughts:

Malcolm Brogdon is a perfect fit on the Clippers.
Porzingis reallyyy seems like a weird dude like, if he got stuck in a submarine looking for the Titanic, no one would even care.
The Wizards can’t go consecutive seasons without having a Morris brother on the roster.
Malcolm Brogdon isn’t as injury ridden as people make it seem. He played 67 games this season. So did Jaylen Brown. He played more games than Al Horford and Marcus Smart. Brogdon was out there way more than his reputation would make it seem.
Keep an eye on the girls who live near Porzingis in Boston. I didn’t forget about that story…