Jimmy Garoppolo Could Teach Deshaun Watson an Important Lesson

The Cleveland Browns gave up both historic draft capital and record levels of cash to acquire a guy they knew was a sexual predator and surprisingly, that sexual predator might not even be allowed to play football this season.

There are new reports saying Cleveland is interested in acquiring Jimmy Garoppolo from the San Francisco 49ers and it’s the one move that could save this franchise. It would be the smartest quarterback decision in franchise history. Not because Jimmy Garoppolo is some All-Pro level talent but because he can sit Deshaun Watson down and teach him a key lesson that could change his life forever.

Let’s recap the few things we know about Jimmy G:

He’s one of a bajillion Tom Brady backups that were supposed to take over for him and lead the next great Patriots dynasty. Jimmy G is like, slightly better than Matt Cassell, I reckon but will most likely be unemployed before Tom Brady retires for good.
He has a 33-14 win-loss record in his career and even went to a Super Bowl somehow. I almost typed ‘led his team to a Super Bowl’ but it was more like his friend won some radio contest that awarded him free tickets to the big game and everyone else in the group chat got sick and couldn’t go so they reluctantly gave up the extra ticket to Jimmy.
And finally, Jimmy G loves dating pornstars.

This is it right here. This is what Jimmy brings to the Cleveland locker room and what could transform Deshaun Watson’s career.

Ya see, Garoppolo needs to sit Watson down and explain to him that you don’t need to Instagram DM random local professional women and *wink wink* your way into getting them into your home in hopes that they give you a happy ending when there are literally thousands upon thousands of women who you can simply trade currency in exchange for sex.

Jimmy Garoppolo is an expert in the field. He moved to California and instantly hit up pornstars for ‘adult companionship’. This is the exact presence you need in that QB room steering Deshaun in the right direction away from women whose biggest fear at work is having a famous man take his dick out and towards women whose goal is to meet famous men and take their dick out.

OH, also Deshaun should be suspended for at least a year and shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a practice field or a massage table.