I Guess Robbie Ray is Better Than...Nothing

Last season, the Giants finished 79-83 and 21 games behind the first-place Los Angeles Dodgers. And then they spent the offseason getting their texts left on read by every free agent who would eventually end up signing with those same Dodgers. San Fran lost out on Shohei Ohtani and Yoshinobu Yamamoto but they just found the answer to all of their problems. Enter Robbie Ray.

BREAKING: The San Francisco Giants and Seattle Mariners are in agreement on a trade that will send former Cy Young winner Robbie Ray to the Giants for outfielder Mitch Haniger and right-hander Anthony DeSclafani, sources familiar with the deal tell ESPN.

— Jeff Passan (@JeffPassan) January 5, 2024

What does Robbie Ray bring to the Giants?

So it’s important for me to make something very clear before we go any further: Robbie Ray is ass.

Shout out to Pete Putila, the new Giants GM, who can trick Giants fans into believing they are acquiring a ‘former Cy Young winner’ when in reality, he’s only had 2 great pitching seasons out of a decade-long career.

He also pitched exactly one game last season before tearing his shit and needing Tommy John surgery to put his shit back together. Ray won’t even be able to pitch until around the All-Star break.

He’s in the third year of a five-year contract.

He’s making $23 million this year and $25 million in both 2025 and 2026. There’s a player option after this season but I can’t imagine Ray chooses to enter free agency after only pitching half a year.

Robbie Ray is the highest-paid player on the team and I want to repeat that I do not believe he is great at baseball.

In the 2020 shortened Covid season, Robbie Ray led all pitchers in walks.

I know he won the Cy Young the following season but that was before doctors had to repair his pitching arm. 2021 feels like an anomaly, The Giants couldn’t sign a top free-agent pitcher so they traded for an expensive overrated guy wearing a sling.

At least Ray can pay for some team dinners when they’re on the road. It’s a long ass season. Robbie Ray paying for some nights out might help this squad get through August.

How are the Seattle Mariners looking now?

I’m coming home, I’m coming home. Tell the world that I’m coming home. After 5 years and a couple MVP-caliber seasons in Seattle, Mitch Haniger is returning to the Mariners to help their new-look outfield alongside the freshly acquired Luke Raley who hit 19 homers and had a 126+ OPS last season with the Devil Rays.

Julio Rodriguez is one of the most talented players in the world and now he’s out there with Mitch Haniger and Luke Raley. Shrug.

I guess the big swing for Seattle is right-hander Anthony DeSclafani—who will be 34 years old when the season starts and is coming off a 4.88 ERA year. He was also shut down in July with an injury to his throwing elbow so essentially, Seattle and San Francisco are swapping their aging, broken pitchers.

The more I write about this, the more I realize this trade won’t affect either team much and I was fooled into caring because Robbie Ray stole a Cy Young once. Booooooo.

So who won the Robbie Ray trade?

The Mariners made it to the 2nd round of the playoffs last season with Robbie Ray at home icing his shoulder. Replacing that money with two guys who can actually contribute is a W.

Meanwhile, San Fran is paying wayyyy too much money for Seattle’s trash. They sucked last season and Robbie Ray won’t even get enough starts this year to make an impact.

The Giants are just doing stuff to look busy. It’s like when you work at Hollister at the mall and you have to fake fold the same pair of jeans all shift because there are no customers and your manager is watching you like a hawk. The Giants front office is making trades just to placate their boss.

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