Donovan Mitchell Scoring 71 Points and Telling Us All He Was Drug Tested After Is Exactly Why I Don't Care About Donovan Mitchell Scoring 71 Points

I know that headline is a little wordy but there’s something about corniness that turns me into the biggest hater on Earth. On Monday night, Donovan Mitchell scored a historic 71 points against the Chicago Bulls as the Cavs went on to win 145-134 in overtime.

71 PTS
8 REB
11 AST
W

Donovan Mitchell sets a new scoring record for the Cleveland Cavaliers and becomes only the 7th player in NBA history to score 70+ points in a game. pic.twitter.com/qbOwr3sqyH

— NBA (@NBA) January 3, 2023

Donovan Mitchell went nuts on Monday and I want to stress that before I dunk on him. Let’s first take a closer look at Mitchell’s performance:

50 minutes
71 points
22-for-34 shooting
7-for-15 from 3
20-for-25 from the line
11 assists
8 boards
+19

First thing that stands out is how rare it is for someone to put up this many points while also dishing out double-digit assists. In 2014, Carmelo Anthony scored 62 points against the Charlotte Bobcats and recorded a grand total of zero (0) assists. Usually when a player is having a night like the one Mitchell just had, his teammates recognize what’s happening and go out of their way to set their guy up to score. Assists are rare.

Donovan Mitchell deserves all the praise in the world. Well, until the next day when he sent out a wack-ass tweet.

Andddd just like that we are drug tested this morning 😂😂😂 https://t.co/LvlbcPDucP

— Donovan Mitchell (@spidadmitchell) January 3, 2023

And I understand this happens a lot. A running back rushes for 200 yards, a hitter smashes 3 home runs in a game, a player scores 71 points—their league tends to immediately drug test them.

But Donovan Mitchell rushing to tell us this happened to him just reminds me how lame he is like when he and Ben Simmons were competing for the Rookie of the Year trophy and Mitchell wore a t-shirt with the definition of ‘rookie’ written on the back as if to say he is a true rookie and Ben Simmons didn’t deserve the award because it was technically his second season in the NBA.

Because of his corniess, I have to point out that Donovan was gifted 71 points thanks to referees sending him to the free throw line 25 times. Kobe Bryant scored 81 points in regulation and Mitchell needed overtime to hit 71.

Perhaps I’m a little biased because the NBA media brings up the Knicks every single time Mitchell is discussed. It’s infuriating knowing that Utah wanted ALL of New York’s assets for Donovan which means if the Knicks traded for him, he’d be alone on a talent-less roster with just Julius Randle and they’d be dead last in the Eastern Conference getting blown out by the Detroit Pistons.

But the Knicks must be the butt of every single joke so no one cares about what the end result would be. Stephen A. Smith goes on a weekly rant about the Knicks making a mistake of not trading for Mitchell even though the Cavs have only 4 more wins than the Knicks do right now. 4 fucking wins. And New York has all of their young players and draft picks to make a move. 4 wins.

71 points couldn’t have happened to a lamer dude. Yuck.