NEWS: The Browns are making a change at QB. Dillon Gabriel is taking over for Joe Flacco, who will be Cleveland’s backup, per source.
Shedeur Sanders will remain third on the depth chart.
— Dianna Russini (@diannarussini.bsky.social) October 1, 2025 at 8:26 AM
Joe Flacco’s undeserved Macy’s Parade around the country, cancelled. Throwing interceptions from the back of his float to all the boys in the NFL.
Congrats on him, rare we obtain our 15 minutes of fame.
Rarer to manufacture a second 15 minutes—especially when offering less value than the first time.
I’m excited to see Joe Flacco on the next season of Traitors or Dancing With The Stars. I’m sure he’ll last longer than Baron Davis just did. I understand why Laura Dern left.
His replacement? A charade.
The Browns couldn’t enter this season without a rookie QB in the building.
Flacco is a mascot.
Deshaun Watson is an asshole.
Perhaps a shooting star would appear in the form of a rookie.
But any shooting star entering Cleveland’s atmosphere would be carrying the weight of an organization incapable of maintaining equilibrium with the position.
3rd round pick, Dillon Gabriel, entered an atmosphere polluted with Deshaun Watson’s misery and the ghosts of Tim Couch and Kelly Holcomb.
Doomed to fail, like, an hour later when the Browns drafted Shedeur Sanders in the 5th round.
Shedeur—the zero-time Heisman Finalist—surrounded by his father’s sycophants, manufacturing excuses for his fall from an alleged no. 1 overall pick, to a random guy in the 5th round; hypnotized into believing he’s god’s gift to football despite god gifting him none of the tools necessary to succeed in the NFL.
Born and raised wealthy, under the thumb of his father coaching all of his team’s, Shedeur started his internship, his first job away from his daddy, rolling his eyes, refusing to get any higher-ups their coffee, playing TikToks, full volume, vaping in his wheely office chair, pissed he wasn’t given the CEO position when he walked through the door.
Here’s Shedeur’s reaction to Dillon Gabriel’s good news:
After the Browns named Dillon Gabriel their new starting quarterback, Shedeur Sanders reacted with a full mime:
pic.twitter.com/0qa23cpdOb— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) October 1, 2025
Shedeur Sanders mouthed his words, silent, mocking ESPN analyst and foot enthusiast, Rex Ryan, who said he talks too much.
Both rookies set up to fail. Dillon arrived on borrowed time. A man physically unable to reach the standards of teachers and nurses on dating apps—the barely 5-foot-10 QB; one of the shortest quarterbacks in NFL history. Forced to the middle reliever role because his backup’s dad is a celebrity salesman, marketing his offspring The Prince Who Was Promised—without providing any evidence of such.
Dillon’s margin of error, razor-thin. A media apparatus desperate to see Deion Sanders’s golden child play football, well or not, the yappers fiend for more to yap about, willing to sacrifice Gabriel for a chance to yap.
Can Dillon Gabriel win the starting job?
Hope is dire but rolls you out of bed. Browns fans, come one, come all, I have a fairy tale for you.
Dillon Gabriel is better than Joe Flacco. Low bars are easy to clear.
Flacco ranks last in passer rating, 32nd in completion percentage (ahead of only rookie Cam Ward), 32nd in success% (right above the same rookie)—and he’s second in interceptions.
Flacco has only one more passing touchdown than Dillon Gabriel.
Last night’s weed still in my veins, haven’t thrown a ball since my friend’s little sister’s college grad party two years ago—beer pong losing, glory days long behind me; I could outperform 2025 Joe Flacco.
Dillon Gabriel will be fine.
Right tackle Jack Conklin is dealing with an elbow injury. Browns wide receivers are clocking in and clocking out—haven’t cared to learn their coworkers’ names. After work drinks? Can’t tonight, gotta walk the goldfish.
Jerry Jeudy leads the Browns with 13 receptions—good for 80th in the NFL.
He has the same number of catches as Travis Hunter—a part-time employee.
Rams receiver, Puka Nacua, had 13 catches last Sunday. In just one game.
You present this supporting cast to a streaming service, you miiiight get a Tubi greenlight.
“Decorated college career, very accurate, very poised, throws with anticipation, good mobility,” is how Browns GM, Andrew Berry, described Dillon Gabriel after the draft.
Sure.
Again, sounds better than Flacco.
Replace the least accurate, happy-to-be-here QB, with an alleged accurate thrower with an empty belly, staring down a future as a real estate agent if he fails in the NFL.
Dillon Gabriel could wake things up.
But Sheduer Sanders anxiety is omnipresent. Breathes hold for Gabriel’s failure.
All eyes will be on the Browns. They fly to London to play Carson Wentz’s Minnesota Vikings. 9:30AM Eastern. The sole game on television. A Vikings team with the third-best passing defense in the NFL. Two weeks ago, Minnesota turned Jake Browning into a trivia answer.
We all know Shedeur Sanders will be the starting quarterback. Just play him. Who cares?
Thanks for reading.
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