thelesterlee
Here. We. Go. The 2021 NFL season is quickly approaching which means it’s time to drain alllll of the content I possibly can by previewing every aspect of the league starting by ranking the starting quarterbacks for no real reason.
Quick disclaimer: Deshaun Watson will not be on this list. I promise you I’m aware there are 32 teams in this league but I will not talk positively about a man who may or may not have done the disgusting things these women are claiming he did. And I have absolutely zero reason to believe these women are lying.
Fuck Deshaun Watson.
But anyway, here are the top 31 starting quarterbacks heading into the 2021 NFL season:
31. Sam Darnold
Sam Darnold was dead last in passer rating last season. Last. The worst passer in the NFL last season was Sam Darnold. Not entirely sure what the Carolina Panthers see in him unless they were just watching his USC film which makes sense because Jets coach, Adam Gase, should be arrested for what he did to New York.
It’s never a good sign when your organization is still thinking about acquiring a man who is a serial sexual predator to replace you because you refuse to throw more touchdowns than interceptions.
30. Drew Lock
In the last 2 seasons, Drew Lock ranks last in completion rate and is tied for last in passer rating with Adam Gase’s boy, Sam Darnold. It also doesn’t help that he looks like a ‘do you know who my father is?’ type loser.
I don’t have much more to say about Lock considering Teddy Bridgewater will most likely take his job by the end of the season.
29. Carson Wentz
Stop mentioning Caron Wentz’s 2017 “MVP season” in which he did not win the MVP or even finish the season. It’s 2021 and Wentz simply does dumb shit with the football in his hands. Every time he drops back, he thinks he can make a play that ends in a touchdown and that mentality frequently results in huge sacks and the most awkward-looking turnovers ever.
I don’t want to hear that a new environment and coaching staff would suddenly change the way he plays. When pressure is coming towards him, Wentz will not be thinking about the little tricks Colts coach, Frank Reich, taught him in August.
28. Zach Wilson
There were so many propaganda videos of Zach Wilson making these incredible Patrick Mahomes-esque throws on empty fields with no defenders or pash rush so naturally the New York Jets fell for the hype and jumped at the opportunity to destroy whatever potential this young man may have had.
27. Jalen Hurts
Jalen Hurts is playing on borrowed time. The Eagles have enough draft picks lined up to go after their next franchise quarterback if Hurts doesn’t display other godly talent and Hurts has yet to show that he’s capable of that task.
The comparison everyone makes is Dak Prescott, a player who just does whatever it takes to win games despite not being the most talented QB except Dak has significantly improved his throwing accuracy and Hurts may not get the time in Philly to show that improvement.
26. Tua Tagovailoa
Tua Tagovailoa’s big weakness is his fear of tossing the ball down the field. Last season, Tua finished 30th in yards per attempt ahead of only Alex Smith, Sam Darnold, Carson Wentz, Dwayne Haskins and Nick Foles. You never want your name mixed in with these guys especially if you’re talking about downfield passing.
At some point, you have to feel bad that Tua’s entire career has been defined with injuries and/or being replaced by his backups, Jalen Hurts and Ryan Fitzpatrick. In college, he was compared to Drew Brees but it’s appearing more evident that he’s the next Alex Smith which is not a Hall of Famer but just like, a decent starter.
25. Justin Fields
Justin Fields has a couple uphill battles he’s facing in his first professional NFL season. The first being in a Chicago Bears quarterback. Prior to Fields, the best QB to ever wear that uniform was uh, Rex Grossman(?), maybe Jay Cutler.
The second hurdle is being an Ohio State quarterback as they also have a recent history of being average as hell. Dwayne Haskins. Cardale Jones. Braxton Miller. Terrelle Pryor. JT Barrett. Troy Smith. All bums. It’s your time to fulfill the prophecy, Justin.
24. Jameis Winston
I’m not going to sit here and break down Jameis Winston’s game. I just hope he gets to start all 16 games over Taysom Hill so that we can get a full year of press conferences like this:
Jameis Winston is a walking, talking blooper reel. 😳⬇️
Best condom in football? 😂#NFLTwitter #NFLTrainingCamp #Saints pic.twitter.com/SK9taAcLJX
— OddsCrowd (@OddsCrowd) August 7, 2021
23. Ryan Fitzpatrick
It took all of my strength to not put Fitzpatrick in the Top 5 of this list because the older he becomes, the more blindly confident he gets in his ability to just chuck the ball downfield regardless of the game situation or even if the receiver is open.
This is Fitzpatrick’s first season in a while in which he isn’t expected to nurse a young QB along. Washington Football Team has one of the best defenses in the league so Fitzmagic will have great field position every time he steps on the field and he’s going to go nuts.
22. Trevor Lawrence
Trevor Lawrence went 34-2 as a starter at Clemson. Every time he stepped onto a football field, he was the best player on that field. Maybe the best quarterback prospect in NFL history (but that might be some revisionist history now that we know how Andrew Luck’s career ended).
I’m rooting for Trevor because we need more new great quarterbacks. Unfortunately, his head coach is Urban Meyer so Lawrence’s arms will be tied behind his back until the Jaguars front office realizes that Meyer is a con artist but until then, I cannot wait to see Tim Tebow drop passes when he’s wide open on third down.
21. Ben Roethlisberger
Ben Roethlisberger is 39-years old and looks like he’s 59 out there last season. Yes, Pittsburgh started the season 11-0 but ended the year 1-5 in their final 6 games and Ben was throwing wobbly nerf balls all over the place.
The Steelers have a new offensive coordinator that needs to dramatically alter this offense that is unbelievably predictable. Ben finished last in play action attempts last season and first in shotgun formations that resulted in pass plays. There was zero deception in their offense last year.
20. Jimmy Garoppolo
Jimmy Garoppolo might be the most underrated player on this list as injuries have robbed him of his ability to prove his doubters wrong. It’s safe to say that Trey Lance is the future in San Fran and Jimmy will inevitably get the opportunity to start for a new franchise and ball out.
That being said, Jimmy has only started more than 6 games in a season only once in his career. It is impossible to truly evaluate his talent when he’s never on the field and when he’s in a Kyle Shannahan system that makes Nick Mullens and CJ Beathard look like NFL starters.
19. Cam Newton
Last season, Cam Newton was literally ONE yard away from beating the Seattle Seahawks and leading the Patriots to a 3-0 record before he caught Coronavirus and his entire season was derailed. People believe he fell off without the context of him catching the plague and the Pats having one of the worst rosters.
New England went on a spending spree to re-tool the team and Cam might actually have players to throw the ball to this season. And for everyone who thinks Cam is washed, please explain him leading the league with 12 rushing touchdowns?
18. Joe Burrow
Joe Burrow was known for deep balls at LSU only to get to the pros and rank dead last on 20+ yard throws with a 50.8 passer rating. You can make the argument that the Bengals offensive line was so bad that he didn’t have time to let receivers get down the field. Clearly, the Bengals offensive line was so bad that Burrows ACL exploded.
Hoping grown up Bart Simpson can bounce back strong.
17. Daniel Jones
There’s a lotttt of Daniel Jones slander out there and it always seems to leave out the crucial context of the Giants having PFF’s lowest-ranked offensive line. Seems like every quarterback gets the rely on the excuse of ‘they struggle under pressure’ but when it comes to Daniel Jones, it is somehow his fault that he can’t put up MVP numbers when there is always a linebacker in the backfield the second he snaps the ball.
BUT, Daniel Jones has a league-high 39 turnovers over the last two seasons. You cannot be the franchise quarterback if you’re out here playing like Blake Bortles. Hopefully the return of Saquon Barkley can take pressure of DJ.
16. Kirk Cousins
15. Jared Goff
It is very difficult to evaluate Jared Goff after a super ordinary 2020 season that ended with him being traded for Matt Stafford. One of the biggest contracts in the NFL that people said the Rams made a mistake on was just catapulted to Detroit, Michigan like Blake Griffin a few years back.
The good news for Goff is that the Lions selected an offensive lineman with their first round pick to help protect him. They appear to actually believe in Goff or at the very least, they believe in him for this season.
14. Baker Mayfield
I never understand why franchises select a quarterback in the first round and then do absolutely nothing to help them. The Bills gave Josh Allen an amazing defense, offensive line and then acquired Stefon Diggs and Cole Beasley to make Allen’s life easy.
The Browns finally gave Baker a coach of the year in Kevin Stefanski, a no. 1 ranked offensive line and offensive playmakers at every position so we should not be shocked that Baker improved last season with the organization doing their job correctly.
13. Derek Carr
Derek Carr was quietly in the Top 10 of almost every major passing category only one year after the locker room gave up on him because he visibly cried after getting tackled hard. You never want to see your starting quarterback weeping because a defensive end hurt his stummy.
The biggest reason Carr jumps up so high on this list is his change in playing style. He finished 6th in yards per attempt after being known his entire career for dinking and dunking for short gains and never really taking any risks.
12. Kyler Murray
Admittedly, Kyler was the most difficult quarterback on this list to evaluate.
His game and talent should be reminiscent of Russell Wilson, and at times it is, but none of Murray’s numbers come near Wilson’s which was surprising after the addition of DeAndre Hopkins. Deshaun Watson played just as well without Hopkins as he did with him while Murray didn’t make that significant of improvement with his help.
But he’s still a Pro Bowler and his comfortability in a collapsing pocket full of gigantic defensive linemen 3 times his size is mesmerizing but there’s something missing there. He might be the guy who relies too much on his athleticism which explains why his yards per attempt dropped in the second half of the season as he took more sacks meaning as the year goes on, Kyler gets more injured and he can no longer smoothly evade defenders which makes him sort of regular out there.
11. Justin Herbert
Perhaps this is me believing the hype of all these training camp throws but damn, the arm talent is immaculate. Last season, Justin Herbert finished with more passing yards than Aaron Rodgers, more touchdowns than Drew Brees and a higher completion percentage than Patrick Mahomes.
Prettyyyyyyyy good.
10. Matt Stafford
We just witnessed what happened when Tom Brady played in the Tampa Bay offense in his first season and led the team to the Super Bowl. Stafford is in no way Tom Brady but the blueprint of a veteran QB joining a pass-friendly offensive scheme after an entire career of shit.
I always thought that Jared Goff’s emergence as an actual starting quarterback was due to practicing against Aaron Donald and Jalen Ramsey all week. Stafford will now be forged in that crucible as well.
9. Matt Ryan
Arthur Smith has helped transform Ryan Tannehill into a Top 10 NFL quarterback when Adam Gase almost destroyed the young man’s career in Miami. He is now the head coach of the Falcons and maybe this can unlock a portal back into Ryan’s MVP season with Kyle Shannahan.
Rookie tight end, Kyle Pitts, is a supposed Hall-of-Famer-to-be so maybe that’ll also aid Ryan in his return to prominence. I also recognize how disrespectful this photograph is.
8. Ryan Tannehill
To give a peek behind the Deadseriousness curtains, I originally had Matt Ryan ahead of Ryan Tannehill until I remembered that Matt Ryan handed off Julio Jones to Ryan Tannehill. The quarterback who leads the league in yards per attempt over the last two seasons is now adding one of the most gifted wide receivers in NFL history.
33 touchdowns to 7 interceptions last season. Just like Deshaun Watson who I am told is still a Top 5 QB even though he is currently lying to his lawyers right now and claiming all of these masseuses wanted him to prematurely ejaculate on them.
7. Dak Prescott
Dak Prescott was on pace to have one of the greatest statistical seasons in the history of football before breaking all of his bones in Week 5. Last season, the Cowboys were 8th in EPA before Dak went out and dropped to 29th with Andy Dalton and Co.
Dak might finish the season in the Top 5 but he won’t be in the Top 5 on this list ever while he’s licking cop boots and denying covid vaccines but he is very good at football or whatever.
6. Russell Wilson
Russell Wilson was THE MVP for the first half of last season. Every week, every NFL analyst lazily repeated the same corny ‘let Russ cook’ phrase as the man was on pace to finally win his first MVP and get the recognition he’s deserved throughout his career.
He then proceeded to lead the league in sacks for the second half of the season. For his entire career, Russ is obsessed with holding onto the football as long as can before getting sacked for major yards. You can’t be a top 5 QB in this league with such a glaring flaw that does not work when you play Nick Bosa and Aaron Donald twice a year.
5. Tom Brady
Tom Brady is 44.
4. Lamar Jackson
Lamar is 31-10 in his career. For a quarterback that experts and opposing coaches seem to believe can easily be stopped if you contain him in the pocket, he isn’t actually stopped that frequently if ever.
Sure, Lamar fell off last season from his previous MVP season but it’s odd how often the discussion around him always leads to someone saying ‘if you take his legs away’ which makes no sense to me because 1. teams aren’t capable of taking his legs away and 2. uh, QBs are allowed to run when they want. It’s so weird that people talk about it as if it’s some quirky little party trick or hack he does instead of acknowledging his rushing is what makes him amazing. It’s not some illusion or magic trick.
3. Josh Allen
Josh Allen might be the most improved passer in the history of history jumping from completing just 52% of his passes in his rookie season to completing 69% last season. I will never forget this man closing his eyes and chucking a 3rd and short DEEP BALL to his fullback down the field in double coverage. His decision-making has astronomically improved.
Allen has now been rewarded with a new 6-year $258 million contract. Just a cool quarter billy for a future MVP.
2. Patrick Mahomes
I never know what I’m supposed to say about Patrick Mahomes that we don’t all already know about Patrick Mahomes. He throws footballs very well and very cool. I like when he does that.
1. Aaron Rodgers
Aaron Rodgers is the defending entering his final season with the Green Bay Packers and is publicly beefing with the team’s general manager. This is the blueprint of a Super Bowl and repeat MVP season from Aaron Rodgers. This sociopath is going to break records.
