Getting back into this whole soccer thing, just a day after Lionel Messi tapped 3 easy goals for Argentina, one would expect to see his peer, Cristiano Ronaldo, matching the pace, putting Portugal on his back.
Portugal tied the DR of Congo 1-1.
Midfielder João Neves header in the 6th minute for Portugal.
If Neves is putting up early buckets, this is about to avalanche on Congo once Ronaldo gets involved.
Cristiano spent the rest of the game being a weird old man, shanking shots into the bleachers and at one point going as far as stealing a shot and sending it into the camera crews.
Ronaldo gets a chance at goal for Portugal 🇵🇹 pic.twitter.com/0YU37MmQHU
— FOX Sports (@FOXSports) June 17, 2026
This is like when I picked up the PS2 controller for the first time in over a decade and struck out (swinging) on 3 pitches in MVP Baseball 2005.
Ronaldo would finish the game with only 3 shots, none of them on target.
All the bravado and fanfare of a legend but the play quality of an inanimate artifact, just what Portugal needs…
Cristiano once again shrinks on the big stage.
On the way to the World Cup? Nothing but buckets, habibi. He scored 5 goals in 5 matches leading up to the World Cup. He scored 28 goals in 30 games for his Saudi club team last season.
Ronaldo hasn’t scored a goal on the main stage since hitting a penalty kick in Portugal’s first game of the 2022 World Cup against Ghana. Scoreless the remainder of the 2022 World Cup, the 2024 Euros, and now Isle of Dogshit against Congo.
The 41-year-old still demands to be treated with the same reverence and fed the same shot diet as a clutch superstar without any evidence or receipts to prove his claims.
It’s not even as if Portugal can bench Ronaldo because there’s some hot young thing wasting away on the bench.
Cristiano is their best option at the position.
They need him to play like the guy whose jersey most fans are wearing in Houston, Texas.
Meanwhile, Cristiano runs like he’s playing on sand now.
I’m excited to see which players emerge as the next generation of stars I can try to hone in on, dare I continue my adventures into soccer post-2026 World Cup.
A shame I missed the career of the great Cristiano Ronaldo, a man I can already tell would’ve been an opp. Cristiano Ronaldo seems like the only words he knows how to spell are “Cristiano” and “Ronaldo”.
Also, shout out to the Democratic Republic of Congo, tying up with Portugal, earning a point on the board to stay alive in the group stage. Their bold strategy of “let Ronaldo be a creepy, odd old man” worked just as they drew it up.
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