The Tampa Bay Buccaneers have to continue competing. As long as they keep getting to the playoffs, a one-game elimination series, they can sneak into a Super Bowl. But the NFC North is taking steroids and Jayden Daniels is the football messiah in Washington. Last season, the Bucs went 10-7—narrowly tip-toeing into the playoffs before […]
We. Are. So. Back. Sort of. After drafting one of the greatest quarterback prospects of his era, signing a bunch of wide receivers he hasn’t met yet because he was jumped in an alley by pass rushers the moment the ball touched his hands—the Chicago Bears went 5-12 last season. Their head coach didn’t seem […]
Coming into Thursday night’s showdown of my favorite basketball team and ESPN’s, the Knicks were 0-8 against the top 4 teams in the NBA—including the Lakers flying into Madison Square Garden and beating them by 16 before they stole Luka from the Mavs. Meanwhile, LA was on a 7-game winning streak with JJ Redick suddenly […]
A DK Metcalf trade soon cometh. On the same day the Seahawks announce the release of 10-year Seahawks legendary receiver, Tyler Lockett—2-time Pro Bowler and 2020 2nd-Team All-Pro, DK Metcalf, has informed Seattle that his watch has ended and he’s ready to move on to greener pastures. You can’t blame Metcalf for wanting to work […]
This is an excerpt from the Let’s Get This Dread Newsletter. Subscribe for the full 2025 Oscars Winners and Losers over on Substack. I watched the 2025 Oscars on Sunday night, well, most of it. The Minnesota Timberwolves and Phoenix Suns game started at 9:30—and by that point, I noticed I hadn’t actually seen any […]
Every minute Landry Shamet is on the court is stress. At 27 years old and in what should be the prime of his career—Shamet finds himself on his 6th NBA team in 7 years—as the last man off the bench for the championship-contending New York Knicks. Yes, I know the Knicks are 0-7 against OKC, […]
3 months into 2025, the president is threatening World War 3—cosplaying as a ‘strong fearless leader’ while his words whistle through his rotting dentures. I needed my favorite PLE of the year: WWE Elimination Chamber 2025. Elimination Chamber is WWE’s last chance to surprise its fans before Wrestlemania. So let’s see what WWE has besides […]
This is an excerpt from the Let’s Get This Dread Newsletter. Subscribe for the full Lessons Learned From The NBA This Week article. Rooting for the Boston Celtics or Los Angeles Lakers will always feel like dweeb endeavors. Vanilla ice cream, Dasani water, white generic New Balance behavior. “Hey, I’m not starting this car until […]
I am an old man so I do not sit and watch strangers play video games in their bedrooms for hours. I have shit to do. Twitch isn’t my thing—however, I feel like they have two pretty serious rules over there: You can’t show nip and you can’t say the n-word. Extra Emily, a streamer […]
After decades of tyranny against male expression and individuality to manufacture some antiquated depiction of “class” and “professionalism”, the New York Yankees have finally ended their fascist policy against beards, allowing their players to now grow facial hair. High-ranking Yankees officials, including owner Hal Steinbrenner, spoke with a number of players and former players […]
Growing up, Hooters was where your dad took you to make sure you weren’t gay. And now, future generations of fathers will lose their favorite conversion camp thanks to wokeness ending Hooters and leading to their bankruptcy. Here’s the bad news according to Bloomberg: Hooters of America is working with creditors on a plan to […]
I hate seeing leaked text messages hit the timeline. Always feels like a massive invasion of privacy and makes intimate, personal conversations sound insane when broadcast to the public. I read every single text screenshot I see but I’m not proud of it. Over the weekend, I saw a screenshot I absolutely should not have. […]
Growing up, I would have to downstairs to my family’s corded, landline phone to call my buddies—excited as hell to talk about the latest episode of Digimon. Y’all wasn’t outside when Patamon finally digivolved into Angemon. By the time I got a cell phone in high school, you still couldn’t really text all day every […]
Logan Paul’s biggest claim to fame was posting a YouTube video where he went to a forest in Japan notorious for suicide and sort of made those lame YouTube thumbnail “O” faces as he stepped over suicide victims. He’s not allowed back in Japan. Duh. You can’t mock suicide victims for YouTube views. Everyone knows […]
I’d be lying to you if I told you I was a big Alan Ritchson fan. Absolutely loved him in Blue Mountain State but I haven’t been keeping up with whatever soldier show he’s doing over at Amazon. Blue Mountain State was a comedy from back in the day about a college football program, sort […]
This will be my third year writing this article predicting each team’s starting quarterbacks for the next season. I’ve been wrong every time. Tom Brady did not come out of retirement to play for the Las Vegas Raiders. My b. So we’re going to switch it up a little bit this year. Instead of predicting […]
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