thelesterlee
I’ve reached an age where I am quickly realizing I am no longer a young man. My hangovers last an extra 24 hours. I refuse to get a haircut in fear it will never grow back. If I yawn too hard, I may need an ambulance. Which is why I was hyped as hell to see Anthony Kim return to professional golf at this weekend’s Liv Golf Jeddah tournament.
Anthony Kim: The Comeback Kid
Prior to this weekend, Anthony Kim had not appeared in a professional tourny since May 2012. He withdrew from the Wells Fargo Championship that season to have achilles surgery and vanished from the sport for 12 years.
At one point, Kim was the 6th ranked golfer in the world but after getting gradually worse every season and blowing his tendons, Anthony Kim went full DB Cooper and vanished from any and all golf courses.
There was a 2019 story where Anthony Kim said his golf game was ‘non-existent’, as in he completely stopped playing the sport as recently as 5 years ago.
Well, until Liv Golf dropped off the BAG and suddenly, Anthony Kim was playing golf at the highest level following a decade of not even owning golf clubs.
Guess who’s back? 👀#LIVGolf pic.twitter.com/10yue2CFaW
— LIV Golf (@livgolf_league) February 28, 2024
Here’s Anthony Kim’s official statement on his return:
“After stepping away from the game years ago due to injury, I’m happy to officially announce my return to the world of professional golf. t’s been a long time coming, and I’m very grateful for all the highs, lows and lessons learned from the first part of my career. I want to compete with the best players in the world, and I’m on a mission to prove to myself that I can win again. The next step on that journey starts now, and I’m excited to give everything I’ve got this season [to] the LIV Golf League.”
Aka, Cash Rules Everything Around Me.
Every time he’d walk to the mailbox at the end of his driveway, it’d be overflowing with $50 bills from Saudi oil tycoons wanting to watch all of their favorite childhood sports heroes collide like action figures.
How did Anthony Kim do in Jeddah?
Ohhhhh boy. Anthony Kim shank! pic.twitter.com/FOZyRizsFS
— Shane Bacon (@shanebacon) March 1, 2024
SHAAAAAAAAAAANK.
Yeaaaaa, Kim finished dead last.
He was 53 out of 53.
His final score was +16—11 strokes worse than the guy who finished 52.
An unbelievable weekend for a 38-year-old who was lured out of retirement by the people who did 9/11 and spent 3 days hitting balls like he was intentionally trying to get the perfect angle for an embarrassing clip he wanted to send into America’s Funniest Home Videos1.
This comeback story was supposed to lead off Sunday night Sportscenter. His name was supposed to be trending on Twitter all day. Decaying, AI-run sports media sites should all be copying and pasting the same story about his return.
Golf, as a whole, should’ve gotten a boost in popularity—temporary or not. It feels like every sport outside of football is becoming more and more niche. Growing up, every sports fan had a basic opinion of Tiger Woods or even Phil Mickelson. There is no reason why I know that Vijay Singh won the 2000 Masters but I do. And now, you have to LOVE golf to even find a community of people willing to chat with you about it.
Anthony Kim was supposed to help restore the feeling.
He came in dead fucking last.
A lot of us don’t realize we’re washed until it’s too late.
Speaking of which.
Celtics fans at TD Garden started doing “The Wave” in the 4th quarter during this blowout of the Warriors 🌊😆pic.twitter.com/5TIXXfjzPr
— ClutchPoints (@ClutchPoints) March 3, 2024
Golden State Gets Mollywhopped
Anthony Kim wasn’t the only person this weekend to realize they are super-washed.
On Sunday afternoon, in a nationally televised game on ABC, the Golden State Warriors got their pants pulled down in front of the cute girls they have crushes on. The Boston Celtics beat the ever-loving dog shit out of them in a 140-88 assault. They beat them by 52 POINTS.
Current MVP candidate, Jayson Tatum, scored 27 points in 25 minutes while former MVP—and currently trending towards washed has been—Steph Curry, scored 4 points on 2-for-13 shooting.
We are only 2 years removed from Golden State coming back from a 1-2 deficient and rattling 3 straight wins to be these same Celtics in the NBA Finals.
And now they look like old-timers at the local YMCA who do not belong on an NBA court, and certainly not against a Celtics team on an 11-game winning streak and that just bullied the Dallas Mavericks, also on National TV Friday night, 138-110.
The Warriors big 3, Steph Curry, Klay Thompson and Draymond Green, scored a combined 16 points on Sunday. They didn’t score enough points to win a 3-on-3 game of 21 at the park.
Draymond was suspended 12 games this season after repeatedly being a mega-weirdo on the court. He wouldn’t be the first guy to realize he’s washed and start throwing fists to prove he’s still the man. It’s a classic fight-or-flight response. Draymond chose fight.
Meanwhile, Klay Thompson was recently moved to the bench after having the worst shooting season of his career. If Klay can’t hit open shots, he needn’t even be on the court. He might be handling his washed-ness the worst. He’s mostly sulking around. Earlier in the season, he cried in the locker room after being benched for Gui Santos.
Steph Curry and his wife Ayesha recently announced they have a 4th baby on the way. Curry is at the level of washed where he’s now sentimental. He scored 4 points on Sunday to honor his family’s 4th child. Aw.
The season’s almost over. The Warriors only have 22 games left. If they were going to make a playoff run, this would be the time to hit the gas and start rattling off big wins. Instead, they lost by bajillion points and sit as the 9th seed with an early summer vacation on the horizon.
What do you do when you realize you’re washed?
Becoming washed doesn’t need to be a negative. It’s not the same out here as it used to be. The youth is doing the types of drugs they give terminal patients to ease the pain in their final days on Earth. It’s Wake N Shake for them.
Life is better when you give up on all the nonsense you thought mattered. There is peace in no longer having to keep up with the newest music or trying to find the new hot restaurant. Forget wanting to be cool. It’s over. You’re washed. Sit down and watch Will Trent on ABC where you belong. Abbott Elementary is on. Cancel your Uber.
Anthony Kim attempted the legendary return and the streets rejected him. The Warriors are getting run out of gyms.
It’s time to accept that you are washed. It’s okay. Life is better on the other side. Stay in and read some Deadseriousness.com. You are no longer him.
Is there anyone else in the sports world showing how washed they are right now? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. Let me know if you think you’re becoming washed too.
- Which is still on the air, by the way. And I don’t mean reruns. Like, brand new episodes. RIP Bob Saget.
