Aaron Rodgers vs. Jimmy Kimmel

One day I hope to live in a world where a week can go by without Aaron Rodgers saying or doing something strange but unfortunately, this is not that week because Rodgers once again returned to Pat McAfee’s ESPN show to say some weird shit for no reason.

Towards the end of his segment, Aaron Rodgers awkwardly brings up a not-at-all funny conspiracy about the Super Bowl teams being decided by the colors of the previous Super Bowl’s logo colors.

It’s the type of joke your lame cousin would make over the holidays and you just fake laugh because your mom made it a point to tell you in the car to be nice to your mouth-breathing cousin Aaron.

It quickly turns into Rodgers saying Jimmy Kimmel was on Epstein Island…

Aaron Rodgers caps off a busy Pat McAfee Show spot by addressing a Super Bowl logo-based conspiracy and again suggesting ABC host Jimmy Kimmel will be on the Jeffrey Epstein client list… pic.twitter.com/eQ62mbVSbM

— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) January 2, 2024

“That’s supposed to be coming out soon. There’s a lot of people, including Jimmy Kimmel, who are really hoping that doesn’t come out.”

For context, last February, Rodgers went on Pat McAfee’s show —looking like he had spent the entire morning sniffing the finest of gasolines—and claimed the government planning to release info regarding UFOs was a distraction from Jeffrey Epstein’s client list leaking. Jimmy Kimmel took that dumb ass clip and made fun of him on his late-night show.

Aaron Rodgers waited a whole ass year to take a shot back at Kimmel. I imagine it took him 365 days to think of this incredible comeback. The jerk store called and they’re running out of Jimmy Kimmel’s.

But Kimmel wants all the smoke and responded to the accusation he spent time on Esptein’s plane:

Dear Aasshole: for the record, I’ve not met, flown with, visited, or had any contact whatsoever with Epstein, nor will you find my name on any “list” other than the clearly-phony nonsense that soft-brained wackos like yourself can’t seem to distinguish from reality. Your reckless… https://t.co/p8eug12uiS

— Jimmy Kimmel (@jimmykimmel) January 2, 2024

We’ve got BEEEEEEEF.

I actually have no desire to talk about these two men any further.

I feel like I’ve made my Aaron Rodgers feelings clear enough by now and I have no reason to think Jimmy Kimmel was anywhere near Epstein’s rape island. Why on Earth would Donald Trump and Bill Clinton be like “Hold the plane, we have to get the host of Comedy Central’s The Man Show. Yea, Sarah Silverman’s boyfriend. We can’t leave without him.”

And I absolutely do not want to wag my finger and shame ESPN for daring to air the Pat McAfee show. I haven’t had cable in years. I stream everything. I won’t pretend to care about ESPN’s daily programming. I have said way worse shit here at Deadseriousness so I won’t act like people need to lose their jobs because Jimmy Kimmel’s feelings were hurt.

But I’m more annoyed about this Jeffrey Epstein client list leaking and all the conspiracy theory assholes

What’s the real beef here?

See pedophilia has become a tool used by deceitful people to punish their political enemies. The whole QAnon thing is that there is a cabal of devil-worshipping child molesters secretly running the country. So essentially anyone who is on the other side of the political aisle as you is a pedophile.

And it’s gone far enough to not even be about people in power. If you run a drag show out of your small local bar, you are a pedophile grooming children. It’s been shifted to attack gay and trans people now.

It’s like modern-day witch hunts but like, imagine actual, real witches were flying around Salem and random people were being burned alive because they voted for the wrong candidate.

Weaponizing a problem like pedophilia and making it into some dark secret society activity that only the most powerful men in the country indulge in and the Esptein client list will save us from their evils is some real imaginary friend-level, backyard playtime, baby shit.

Child abuse is real and it’s a community issue. From trusted local churches to trusted teachers to trusted family members, pedophilia happens right under our noses every single day and goes unchecked while we simultaneously glamorize child molestation as something that only cloaked men do in the shadows to become billionaires in some secret initiation ceremony.

Conspiracy theories allow real, dangerous people to continue to commit atrocities without consequences because conspiracy theorists have tricked themselves into believing there must be master manipulators behind the cruelties in this world instead of just looking at the very obvious truths in front of them.

They’re little kids coping by creating fairy tales.

Jeffrey Epstein brought a lot of rich men to his island to sleep with underage girls but we should be asking what circumstances allowed him to scoop up these runaways and control their bodies instead of gleefully celebrating when we find out about a celebrity we don’t like was hanging with Epstein.

I just pray for one week of peace from Aaron Rodgers.