in Wrestling

Deadseriousness 2023 WWE Fastlane Review: Cody Rhodes Finally Finishes The Story

2023 wwe fastlane

This is the worst part of the WWE calendar. They treat Survivor Series like one of the most important PPVs but the lead-up to that event is always filler nonsense with no real stakes or interesting stories. 2023 WWE Fastlane was fine, I reckon, but it was mostly just another opportunity for Pat McAfee to get a paycheck.

It feels like there is so much electricity in the wrestling world these days and Fastlane managed to capture none of it. Jade Cargill made a lazy debut walking out of a limo and the show went downhill from there.

My reviews for these WWE PPVs have slowly been feeling more and more negative but man, it feels impossible not to recognize when this company is coasting which makes no sense considering the all-out blitz they’re planning for this Tuesday’s NXT that’s going head-to-head with AEW Dynamite.

Like, they understand there is real competition while simultaneously making me watch a PPV with only 5 matches on the card and one of those matches is a LWO vs. Street Profits match that could happen on any random Friday night Smackdown. Sick. Exciting. Can’t wait.

Undisputed WWE Tag Team Championship — Damian Priest & Finn Balor (c) vs. Cody Rhodes & Jey Uso

Admittedly, I had no interest in this match heading into 2023 WWE Fastlane. Whether the title changed hands or not, it didn’t really matter to me.

But man, this is back-to-back PPV BANGERS from The Judgement Day who find new, unique ways to win or false finish. That Money in the Bank briefcase and the Jay White cardboard cutouts are two of the most important intimate objects in wrestling right now.

And I don’t think anyone would’ve predicted two years ago that the 2 biggest faces of WWE would be Cody Rhodes and Jey Uso but here we are watching the crowd lose their shit every time Cody or Jey took a breath.

Andddd just like that, the two biggest faces are relegated to the tag team division. The same exact move they made a few months ago that stuck Kevin Owens and Sami Zayn in creative hell all year.

An absolute lateral move by Jey Uso who just lost the tag titles and had been in a tag team his entire career going right back to the tag team division. “Main Event” Jey Uso is so condescending when he opens the show and isn’t allowed to ever wrestle without someone in his corner.

Cody Rhodes was supposed to end Roman Reign’s historic run but instead, he’s tag team champion. I’m growing more suspicious that Roman isn’t losing at Wrestlemania 40. WWE is trying to reset the record books with a modern performer being the longest-reigning world champ so Cody is getting a random tag title.

It also sucks for the Viking Raiders or Imperium—guys who are in actual tag teams who can’t get their hands on the gold because the belts have been usurped by way bigger names who have no business being tag team champs.

Latino World Order vs. Bobby Lashley & The Street Profits

At the beginning of the year, Montez Ford was on the doorstep of a great singles run. He had a phenomenal showing in the Elimination Chamber. He was ready to finally go.

And now he’s back in a tag team as Bobby Lashley’s sidekick just wasting away and killing time until something out of his control happens that requires WWE to throw Ford into a bigger role. He’s too good to be an understudy.

Rey Mysterio is 200 years old still winning PPV matches every single month in 2023. Montez Ford is carrying Lashley’s bag while Rey Mysterio is the United States Champion. Interesting.

Oh good, Carlito is back. Santos Escobar now drops to the third member of his OWN group.

Whatever, I was on my phone watching Ricky Starks and Big Bill win the AEW tag titles. Congrats or sorry that happened to you.

WWE Women’s Championship — Iyo Sky (c) vs. Asuka vs. Charlotte Flair

We JUST did this same match, but instead of Iyo Sky being the champion, it was Bianca Belair. Not complaining about the match quality though. WWE understands how to script a triple-threat match to make all three competitors look incredible. I’m just super down on the lackluster creative going on right now.

Again, this is the worst part of the calendar because I know the company pretty much knows what their Wrestlemania 40 plan is and everyone’s just going through the motions until the Royal Rumble in January.

Every time Asuka and Charlotte end up in a ring together, I am reminded just how much better Asuka is at this. She is easily the greatest women’s wrestler in North American history. She’s easily the greatest Japanese wrestler in North American history. Charlotte doing slow-motion cartwheels ain’t it.

I would love to see Charlotte in some personal feud like what Becky Lynch has been doing. Well, before Becky won the NXT title. These women are legends. They don’t need to be in title matches every month.

John Cena & LA Knight vs. The Bloodline (Jimmy Uso & Solo Sikoa)

I imagine there is a generation of people who are ecstatic to see John Cena back in the WWE. Personally, he is a constant reminder that Hollywood is still on strike. I should be watching new episodes of Abbott Elementary every week. John Cena should be dressing like an adult man instead of looking like a balding 2nd grader getting beat up by the other two guys from The Bloodline no one cares about.

It’s remarkable how little I care about Jimmy Uso and Solo Sikoa when Roman Reigns is gone. I truly thought The Bloodline should main event Wrestlemania with a Fatal-4-Way for the title but in Roman’s absence, they have turned Jimmy Uso into a jobber and Solo into a parody of himself.

This should have felt like a huge coming-out party for LA Knight, and god bless this crowd for going nuts any time Knight did anything, but this match just didn’t matter. What are the stakes? WWE is just doing some shit and expecting me to care

. You know what’s a better story to tell? LA Knight vs. John Cena. Give them weekly promo battles that inevitably go viral.

As far as match quality goes, I don’t watch LA Knight to see Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio at Halloween Havoc ’97. I want him yelling into a mic and punching guys in the face. His matches should start or end with a promo. Every single time. He has a very particular strength and it isn’t locking up with Solo.

World Heavyweight Championship — Seth Rollins (c) vs. Shinsuke Nakamura (Last Man Standing)

If you look at this Seth Rollins/Shinsuke Nakamura program as sort of a swan song or farewell to Shinsuke, you get a lot more enjoyment out of the work they’re doing. It sucks but at this point in his career, Nakamura will never be world champion.

Perhaps that’s what’s making this Rollins title reign seem so blah. He started by beating AJ Styles in the finals of the Heavyweight Championship tournament. Then he beat Finn Balor. And now he’s beating Nakamura.

3 of the best bell-to-bell wrestlers of this era, all of whom are pretty much at the ends of their careers, all who became stars in Japan, all who have deserved to be treated like the best performers in this company—being fed to Seth Rollins who is WWE’s mascot.

And each time, the match quality has been suspect because Seth is battling injuries or whatever BUT, I’m a sucker for a street fight payoff for a rivalry and I’m a sucker for this new thing WWE is doing where all of these no DQ matches have someone getting thrown from a balcony next to the fans.

So long to Shinsuke. You didn’t do anywhere near as much as you were capable of but I imagine you are now wealthy and can purchase all of the little leather pants you want.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reading. Go ahead and sign up for the D, the daily Deadseriousness newsletter sent directly to your inbox every AM.

RECOMMENDED:

Deadseriousness 2023 WWE Money in the Bank Review: LA Knight Gets Robbed

CM Punk vs. Jack Perry

4 Biggest Takeaways From AEW All In 2023

Follow @Deadseriousness on Twitter to help kill some time at work.

Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

trevor bauer

It’s Still Fuck Trevor Bauer
giants week 5

3 Biggest Takeaways From The Giants Week 5 Loss In Miami