thelesterlee
NFL training camp is the weirdest time in the sports calendar where hundreds of adrenaline and HGH-filled maniacs travel to about 30 different cities across American to run full speed into each other in hopes of earning millions to run full speed into other guys from other cities.
The Philadelphia Eagles are switching it up this summer with a brand new machine.
𝘿𝙚𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙡𝙨#EaglesCamp | #FlyEaglesFly pic.twitter.com/qEDlY3lIlZ
— Philadelphia Eagles (@Eagles) August 3, 2021
Ok. I have thoughts.
I’ve watched this video on a loop for no less than an hour and I’m having trouble wrapping my head around the purpose of this machine.
The little orange dildos don’t seem to be coming at the players with enough force to simulate the strength of a linebacker attempting to strip the football.
Players are running through it with absolutely zero resistance so it’s not as if they are learning how to or becoming accustomed to running through contact. They’re not being slowed down at all. The dildos need not even be there so uh, why are they?
Also can’t stop watching the dildos all rotating in different positions but again, not in positions that reflect the impact of an NFL defender.
This is giving very strong Excessive Machine vibes from Barbarella where she gets trapped and ‘punished’ by being put into a machine that makes her cum. Good for the Eagles I guess(??)
Meanwhile, the New York Giants are fistfighting at practice with their franchise quarterback, Daniel Jones, at the bottom of the pile. Dak Prescott immediately injured his shoulder this week after a year of walking with crutches.
The NFC East continues to be the most competitive in all major sports leagues. Shout out to the Philadelphia Eagles for revolutionizing training camp with their dildo machine. It appears to have literally nothing to do with the sport of football but it must be tremendous for team morale to all take turns getting their backs blown out at the 50-yard line.
