Whenever a billionaire suffers consequences, I’m stunned, head ringing, for at least 24 hours. Steve Ballmer had Mark Cuban yapping with Chat GPT all day, copy pasting his results on Twitter, defending the Clippers owner—”if he did that, he’s the dumbest human being on the planet“, and look at that, Steve Ballmer: The Dumbest Human Being on the Planet—lost 5 first round draft picks and can’t step foot in his own house for a year. Out: Could Not Stop Paying Kawhi and His Uncle Millions Through Various Surrogate Phantom Sponsorships.
Here’s Ramona Shelburne on SportsCenter reacting to the news:
“It’s the nature of the introductions, how they were made, and whether or not there was business that was contingent upon these endorsement contracts with Kawhi Leonard.”@ramonashelburne weighs in on the NBA punishing the Clippers for salary cap circumvention ✍️ pic.twitter.com/TMsAbz0Jut
— SportsCenter (@SportsCenter) September 2, 2026
Ramona stutters through her attempt to say this is one of the harshest penalties she’s ever seen, stutters some more and says we should all read the 37-page report. Nice.
The morning after Pablo Torre first broke the Aspiration story, Ramona Shelburne—who in the previous clip is zooming in from home—rushed into an ESPN studio to grant Steve Ballmer an opportunity to lie.
The same Ramona Shelburne who, just a few weeks ago, wrote a story from a “source” reporting the NBA found no evidence of the Clippers wrongdoing—a report the NBA refuted within hours.
And then, yea, they obviously found evidence. 37 pages worth.
What is the fucking point of Ramona Shelburne?
I am not a reporter. I am not a journalist. I can barely read and write. However, I’m a consumer. I love consuming. Content??! I’ll consume the hell out of some content. An expert in the field—and as an expert consumer, I can’t figure out the market for Ramona Shelburne’s work.
I’m a Knicks fan.
I go to Knicks games.
As a consumer of Knicks content, I am interested in reading reports about James Dolan’s MSG surveillance state, in which you walk into the building and his facial recognition cameras follow trans people to the bathrooms, they sort Knicks fans via political affiliations. Discriminatory, invasions of privacy that none of us willingly consent to.
That’s the type of story I want to hear about the owner of a basketball team.
I’m less interested in reading reporting about James Dolan’s milqtoast quotes about how much he wants to win a championship or how much the Knicks mean to him or all the fluffy dogshit Ramona Shelburne’s written about Steve Ballmer and Jeanie Buss over the years.
What is the point of having access to their owners, Steve Ballmer actively at the scene of the Aspiration crime, knowingly, and not investigating any of the rumors you’re hearing about his shady dealings? Ramona’s in these rooms—surely, she’d be the one cracking this story open, not Pablo Torre.
Homegirl’s laid her body down in front of Ballmer, allowed him to stand on top of her to declare his innocence amongst a sea of direct deposits to Uncle Dennis—for what? For him to answer your next call or text?
It’s not like Ballmer is taking softball catcher Ramona out on that yacht…
At least Shams breaks news. What does Ramona do besides copy and paste emails from Jeannie Buss and call them news stories?
I’m personally not interested in NBA owner PR work masquerading as reporting. There is zero value in the work this woman provides.
I love Ramona Shelburne.
Her existence removes all imposter syndrome. If all avenues fail me, I know there is a 6-figure job out there waiting. All I have to do is stooge, carry water for billionaires, allow them to” tell their sides of the story”, and I could look disheveled while doing so, just like Ramona.
She’s the blueprint. The architect. She is my guiding light. Once I’m done with this whole “trying” thing and I surrender to capital—feet in the air, arms behind my head, tape recording rolling while a CEO whines to me about how unfair the taxes on his third home are. Life is but a dream. Merily merily…
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