Opening Day
Tuesday, October 20:
- Boston Celtics at Detroit Pistons (3:00 pm Eastern time)
- Philadelphia 76ers at New York Knicks (7:00 pm ET)
- Oklahoma City Thunder at San Antonio Spurs (9:30 pm ET)
3pm opening day
NBA’s first ever 3pm opening game. The league courting ownership from Green Arrow’s rogues gallary, private equity, crime families and Sheiks joining forces to dump us all upside down by our ankles, shaking us until every penny drops from our pockets—FBI on their side, rushing to stop illegal streaming sites—they still can’t find that Morning Talk Show Lady’s mom yet, by the way.
No surprise the NBA is starting the year as most fans are on shift. Sports are for those who can afford to consume them—the rest of us lucky to receive the run-off: clips and endless discourse. Yay.
I say all that to say, I have no idea if work will prevent me from watching the first game of the 2026-27 NBA season but it’s totally okay because I wasn’t in a hurry to witness Hugo Gonzalez minutes.
3pm—perfect time for Paul George ball.
The Boston Celtics used the offseason to make their squad less watchable. Jayson Tatum, leg iffy, boring when healthy though, 2026 Paul George, I’m good, man.
Mitchell Robinson vs. Jalen Duren could hold my attention.
But Jalen Duren doesn’t work for the Detroit Pistons right now. Tobias Harris neither.
Season starts today, Cade Cunningham, Duncan Robinson, Ausar Thompson, Javonte Green and newly acquired big man John Collins.
It’ll catch y’all at 7pm, when the NBA season starts.
Sixers travel to the Mecca
Philly wants to prove they’ve shaken the process stench, scrapping the Jahlil Okafor off their breath. This isn’t some meandering franchise full of emotionally turbulent and physically frail losers.
Joel Embiid, Tyrese Maxey, VJ Edgecomb, Jaylen Brown and LeBron James—stars, even VJ—starting the season with a test against the defending champs. Day 1, they line up with the final boss for a temp check. Do they measure up to the team still in possession of the brooms they swept Philly with in the second round?
Regardless of the outcome, your favorite podcast will have the most disgusting overreaction to the result of this game. We need to ban microphones. Vote in the midterms, guys.
Chet Holmgren Revenge
Chet Holmgren spent the Western Conference Finals turtle tucked in his shell, hiding, shivering, Big Wemby fee-fi-fooing outside the gates. I wake up as Sam Presti, Chet Holmgren works elsewhere. Team can’t be built around a guy terrified of the best player in the conference.
Day one offers exorcism opportunities. Chet Holmgren gets to slay his personal demon Game 1.
What’s more likely, Victor Von Doom, off an embarrassing NBA Finals loss—declaring domain in Mitchell Robinson’s down before blowing leads nightly—eats for free, dining on Chet, setting opening day records on Holmgren’s scalp.
Christmas
Friday, December 25:
- San Antonio Spurs at New York Knicks (12:00 pm ET)
- Miami Heat at Boston Celtics (2:30 pm ET)
- Philadelphia 76ers at Los Angeles Lakers (5:00 pm ET)
- Oklahoma City Thunder at Minnesota Timberwolves (8:00 pm ET)
- Denver Nuggets at Golden State Warriors (10:30 pm ET)
Finals rematch
For the third straight Christmas, San Antonio flies into Madison Square Garden for what I can no longer describe as a “quiet” rivalry. Not only do they meet at every Christmas. They battled for the NBA Cup and obviously 5 games in the Finals.
Don’t be shocked if Christmas Day starts with blood spilling.
Giannis’s new clothes
Giannis is one of the best basketball players in the world. Don’t let his bored 2025-26 make you believe he’s not the same Finals MVP from before. Giannis averaged 27.6 points and 9.8 rebounds on a bum leg, pissed the Knicks chose Karl-Anthony Towns over him. (Kinda worked out for the Knicks, and now for Miami).
This Heat Celtics series will be a playoff preview. Which team can survive the play-in to qualify for the actual postseason? This Christmas Day game will ultimately decide who gets homecourt for game 83.
LeBron’s return to Hollywood
LeBron leaves his family in LA to mine gold in Appalachia. (This is literally what Republicans thought would happen with tariffs. Like magically, successful business would restructure their entire infrastructure to rebuild factories in the Midwest because it’s more expensive to import crafted goods from other nations, when they could easily just shift the tariff costs to consumers. Charlie Brown with the football. Again.)
The King’s final Christmas Day. Amazing Joel Embiid will have courtside seats to the historic day.
Anta Claus is coming to town (sponsored by Sprite)
Anthony Edwards, like Luka Doncic, sitting right below the MVP waters.
I won’t look this up for the sake of time—forgive me—I’m going to assume this is LaMelo Ball’s first Christmas game. I don’t think the fans have been clamoring for more Charlotte Bobcats ball.
I’ve seen Anthony Edwards excel under the brightest lights. I don’t know what LaMelo Ball will look like under pressure. Honestly, it’s a coin toss if LaMelo even makes it to Christmas Day—the way he drives, a winter in Minnesota might send LaMelo through a windshield. Please stop speeding. We need another decade of step-back, one-legged 3’s with 23 seconds left on the shot clock.
Will Steph Curry even be here?
Following an offseason refreshing his social media feed of choice, awaiting the big news—LeBron James and Anthony Davis to the Warriors—only to see LeBron sign with the Sixers, Golden State an afterthought—38-year-old Stephen Curry sounds willing to finish his career elsewhere if this squad stinks again.
A play-in team 3 consecutive seasons, his second best player, Jimmy Butler, oft-injured and more focused on his coffee empire. Draymond Green living off reputation alone, gassed by the 2nd quarter. How many Brandin Podziemski isos does it take Steph Curry, the greatest Golden State Warrior in franchise history, to be done with the Golden State Warriors?
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