Thanks to the NFL deciding to compete with the NBA on Christmas Day, I had to watch multiple games all day long on multiple TVs surrounded by people who did not want to watch multiple games all day long on multiple TVs.
There were games on Thursday, Saturday and Sunday, on Fox, CBS, Netflix, Peacock, Amazon and NFL Network. Oh, and of course Monday Night Football tomorrow on ESPN.
I’m starting to think all these viewership numbers are inflated. You cannot tell me millions of people wanted to watch Chris Oladokun play football on Christmas night.
Anyway, here are the NFL Week 17 Awards:
The “Stat-Padding Against a Dogshit Team” Award: Drake Maye
Drake Maye Touchdown:
48th Regular Season TD;
22 Yard Passing TD to @dreeday32— Drake Maye Touchdown Archive (@DrakeMayeTDclub) December 28, 2025
Let’s look at Maye’s day against the Jets:
- 19-for-21 (91%)
- 256 passing yards
- 5 passing touchdowns to 5 different receivers
- 157.0 passer rating
- 99.8 QBR
Drake Maye had a perfect game against the Jets, a defense full of soon-to-be bar bouncers and storage facility security guards, adding to his impressive MVP resume.
As long as you never look at their schedule.
The New York Giants have beaten more teams above .500 than the Patriots have this season.
The “You Must Never Forget This Day” Award: Aaron Glenn
Oh, I’m not done talking about this game yet. Something strange happened at the end of the half.
With less than 2 minutes to go, New England charged down the field to run the score up 35-3.
The game got especially chippy, players shoving, coaches screaming at each other across the sidelines.
But when the Jets got the ball back with less than 30 seconds, Mike Vrabel started to call timeouts, as if he wanted another possession to dunk 42 points on the Jets.
I don’t know if Aaron Glenn will be the Jets head coach next year.
Woody Johnson makes decisions based on his son’s Madden success and as much progress as the league has made, it’s still the NFL.
A black head coach getting only one year to turn around a roster full of scrubs before the team gets their real franchise QB and immediately brings in a white guy “genius” to save the day, standard operating procedures.
Antonio Pierce and Jerrod Mayo just lost their jobs after one year.
But in the case Aaron Glenn remains, as he should by the way, he must never forget this day.
The Jets are on their 3rd string rookie QB, they traded away their best defenders Quinnen Williams and Sauce Gardner, all of their secondary is comprised of random dudes who didn’t have Pro Football Reference pages until the other day.
The Jets have a shitload of first-round draft picks.
Give Aaron Glenn a quarterback capable of throwing for 50+ passing yards and a retooled defense and let Aaron get his lick back on the Patriots next season.
Good luck, Mike Vrabel. You just created a million Aaron Glenns.
The “You Are Officially Disqualified From The MVP” Award: Josh Allen
If Jalen Hurts
– lost a fumble that ended up losing 27 yards
– took a sack for a loss of 21 on 3rd & 8
– missed this 2-pt throw to end the gamehe’d be buried endlessly for the next week, and then some.
Let’s make sure Josh Allen gets the same criticism.pic.twitter.com/EbuVRpSx5R
— Eagles Fan Central (@PhilaFanCentral) December 29, 2025
Bills down 12-13 after a heroic touchdown drive at the game’s end, only to go for the lead, instead of tying with the xtra point to take a dead Eagles offense to overtime, the 2-point conversion failing with a disgusting overthrow into the dirt by Josh Allen.
It’s Drake Maye vs. Matthew Stafford.
Narratively, Josh Allen needed this win.
Jalen Hurts went 0-for-7 passing in the second half and the Bills couldn’t take advantage at all.
Vic Fangio had the Bills offense in hell.
I don’t know, I think Maye or Stafford would’ve won this game…
The “Carson Wentz Cartoonish Hijinks” Award: Cam Ward
CHASE YOUNG STOLE THE BALL AND TOOK IT TO THE HOUSE
NOvsTEN on CBS/Paramount+https://t.co/HkKw7uXVnt pic.twitter.com/YwAyHIJ3ww
— NFL (@NFL) December 28, 2025
Chase Young chew-toyed Cam Ward, little boying the rookie, snatching the ball from his palms and running it into the endzone.
Runner-up: Shedeur Sanders
Might be the worst throw I’ve ever seen
— . (@J0nesToChina) December 28, 2025
Sheuder might as well have just punted the ball off the side of his cleat.
I still have all my chips on Ward transforming into the better QB.
I’m about ready to have uncomfortable conversations pic.twitter.com/Gq1WqBSxyn https://t.co/Twg95IFu6s
— garrett (@jalenreagors) December 28, 2025
Shedeur can’t do this.
The “Nobody Wants This” Award: NFC South
The Tampa Bay Buccaneers traveled down the road to Miami, against a 7th-round rookie QB, and lost 20-17.
Since Week 9, the Bucs have one of the worst defenses in the NFL:
- 28th in points allowed
- 29th in yards allowed
- dead last in passing defense, every passing play, defenders raising their hands up in confusion as receivers spring open all around them.
Today, Quinn Ewers was the first Dolphins rookie with 2+ touchdown passes in the first half since Dan Marino.
I don’t think Quinn Ewers is the next Dan Marino.
Todd Bowles, time to find a local moving company.
Meanwhile, the Carolina Panthers, also needing a win to take the NFC South, lost today.
Baker Mayfield turned the ball over 3 times.
Bryce Young threw for 54 yards with an interception of his own.
With the chance to win the division, both quarterbacks decided they weren’t interested in the playoffs.
The “Okay, Time To Go Back To Your Family” Award: Philip Rivers
Philip Rivers’s NFL return is a cute little story for Philip Rivers and his fans.
Dope.
Congrats.
Honestly, thought he’d die out there on the 50-yard line, but he mainly stayed on his feet, got the ball out fast to actual athletes in their physical prime and kept games close.
The Colts lost all 3 games Rivers started, were eliminated from the playoffs, and with an opportunity to see if the rookie QB they spent a 6th round pick on could ball, they elected to toss their season in the trash to let an old man relive his glory days.
That’ll do, Phil. That’ll do.
The “You Deserve The First Pick” Award: Las Vegas Raiders
If the worst team is supposed to win the first pick in order to maintain competitive fairness, then the Las Vegas Raiders 10-34 loss to the New York Giants, their 10th straight loss of the season, earned the first pick.
Geno Smith threw 2 more interceptions to add to his NFL leading total, solidifying himself as the singular worst starting quarterback in America.
All season, Geno’s played like he’s freshly returning from an Achilles tear. He is not freshly returning from an Achilles tear.
Halfway through the 3rd quarter, the Raiders had only 7 yards rushing.
The Raiders need the first 32 picks of this draft to be competitive.
Fernando Mendoza can’t save this.
The “We Just Have To Remove All Kennedys From Planet Earth” Award: Ryan Kennedy
Lions fan, Ryan Kennedy, talked shit to DK Metcalf, got hit by DK Metcalf, got DK Metcalf suspended for the final two games of the Steelers season, now filing a lawsuit against DK Metcalf.
Aaron Rodgers needed Metcalf on the field, especially after Darnell Washington broke his arm halfway through the contest. Adam Thielen wasn’t going to do the job.
I just want to say this here, if your first reaction to something not going your way is to “sue” someone, you are a loser. And there are more losers every single day. So many “you’ll hear from my lawyers!” ass dorks taking over the world.
The “Get The Ball To Tucker” Award: Derrick Henry
- 36 carries
- 216 rushing yards
- 4 touchdowns
The Baltimore Ravens enter Week 18, one victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers away from starting the season 1-3, having a weird QB/head coach dispute no one is reliably reporting on, and still making the playoffs for a potential Week 1 rematch against the Buffalo Bills.
The Baltimore Ravens are writing a story and the only thing saving that story from becoming a tragedy is Derrick Henry.
Most 200+ rushing yard games of all time:
Derrick Henry – 7
Adrian Peterson – 6
OJ Simpson – 6
Tiki Barber – 5
LaDainian Tomlinson – 4
Barry Sanders – 4
Earl Campbell – 4
Jim Brown – 4pic.twitter.com/BOr44UTsiF— Underdog NFL (@UnderdogNFL) December 28, 2025
(Not to be confused with anything Justin Tucker related. Do not get Justin Tucker anything except a set of handcuffs and a cot.)
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