thelesterlee
Before the Knicks sent the Boston Celtics to the 2026 NBA Lottery, ESPN aired the 2025 one.
Here are the results:
The 2025 #NBADraftLottery presented by State Farm Results! pic.twitter.com/rk5R8IVurT
— NBA (@NBA) May 12, 2025
Let’s talk winners and losers of the 2025 NBA Draft lottery.
Here are the winners:
1. People Who Like To Play Make Believe
Life is hard and it’s boring and it’s dumb.
Good things happen to the most unserious people. All day, every day.
Ungerdogs get their ass beat routinely.
I understand it’s more exciting to pretend life is like a movie with secret organizations making world-altering decisions behind the scenes.
The moon landing never happened and the Earth is flat. Sure, brother. I also hate my life.
I feel you. I believed in the Madden Curse (when I was 12). I get it.
Shout out to everyone who wants the NBA to be more interesting than it is. Adam Silver is a puppetmaster, orchestrating under the cover of darkness to manipulate the league to maximize profits.
That’s why we’re a couple weeks away from a Minnesota/Indiana NBA Finals—two of the smallest markets in the NBA—just as Adam Silver planned.
2. Klay Thompson and Anthony Davis
Klay Thompson joined the Dallas Mavericks under false pretenses.
He believed his job was to stand in the corner, ready to launch threes. Be a target for Luka Doncic to kick out to.
Anthony Davis wanted to be a Laker. He complained at work about wanting help in the front court and all of a sudden, he was on a Luka-less Mavs squad with bruuuuutal vibes.
And those men continued battled through the play-in tournament—busting their asses until the final whistle.
They have been rewarded with a chance.
Whether the Mavs draft Cooper Flagg or package him in some mega-Giannis deal—the vets on this Mavs team still maintain an opportunity to compete next season as their careers wane.
3. Nico Harrison
While we all criticized Nico Harrison for trading Luka Doncic, we failed to consider the possibility of witchcraft.
It would explain why Nico couldn’t properly explain his thought process behind the trade.
That was a man nervous the league would find out he was using magic, the dark arts, to secretly build a roster around Cooper Flagg and Anthony Davis was the final piece of the puzzle.
Nico and The Red Witch whispering in his ear have won.
4. Cooper Flagg
We’ve seen careers ended the second the draft order finalized.
NFL quarterbacks have been murdered by simply landing in an organization lacking the resources and support necessary to help them reach their full potential.
The Sixers sacrificed Ben Simmons and Markelle Fultz to the White Walkers.
Cooper Flagg is playing for the Dallas Mavericks, coached by 10-time NBA All-Star Jason Kidd and his teammates are Anthony Davis, Kyrie Irving, Klay Thompson and the great Dwight Powell.
Flagg could’ve been on the fucking Wizards.
5. Gregg Popovich
After Gregg Popovich retired from coaching to join the Spurs front office following a stroke and passing out at a local Tex-Mex restaurant—I questioned Pop’s mental and physical fitness for the job.
Then, San Antonio was gifted the numbers 2 and 12 picks—granting them limitless options this offseason—making Pop’s job as simple as “Do we draft Dillon Harper, one of the best guard prospects in a while, or do we trade for Giannis?”
San Antonio is in a win-win scenario.
Popovich doesn’t even have to get out of bed and the Spurs will most likely have homecourt advantage in next year’s playoffs.
6. Chris Paul
Chris Paul might win a championship, yo. If the Spurs pair Giannis and Wemby?? De’Aaron Fox running point. Chris Paul may finally reach the Promised Land.
7. Jared McCain
The Sixers are cooked. Joel Embiid can’t walk. Paul George can’t shoot. Tyrese Maxey can’t wait to demand a trade.
Thankfully, the Sixers have the number. 3 pick, so Jared McCain can come back from his season-ending knee injury to team up with Ace Bailey and start a new Sixers core. Plus, he gets a new kid to do Tik Tok dances with.
8. Hornets Fans
I know Charlotte missed out on a Top 3 pick this season but Hornets fans have to be excited about adding someone like VJ Edgecomb to play alongside Brandon Miller and LaMelo Ball.
VJ Edgecombe transition scoring.
64.4% FG at the rim in transition (1.144 PPP). pic.twitter.com/6aXI66ukWU
— Mohamed (@mcfdraft) May 8, 2025
If the Hornets get one reliable 3-point shooter in free agency, VJ Edgecomb is the perfect running mate for LaMelo Ball.
The Hornets might start racing teams out of the gym.
9. Karl Malone haters
The longer we keep the Utah Jazz from relevance, the longer we can go without having to think about Karl Malone’s freaky ass.
10. Brandon Ingram
The Toronto Raptors have the 9th pick in the draft.
Sick.
Nobody is coming to take any shots away from my guy Brandon Ingram—who was traded to the future 51st state at the trade deadline but has yet to play a game for the Canadian Dinosaurs due to injury and the organization being in no hurry to rush back any player preventing them from landing the *holds in laughter* 9th pick.
Brandon Ingram has finished in the Top 2 in field goal attempts per game all 5 years in New Orleans.
Ingram already had to worry about Scottie Barnes and RJ Barrett stealing his shots. Cooper Flagg was about to stand in the corner while Ingram jab steps and takes a jumper one step inside of the 3-point line.
11. Houston Rockets
Alright, now. This core made their first playoff appearance and took Steph Curry’s Warriors to a Game 7.
Ime Udoka and this front office now have a better idea of what they’re lacking in order to become true title contenders and they just landed a Top 10 pick to help them go acquire a guy. No offense to Fred VanVleet.
Giannis and Durant are the big names available but I like what the Knicks did last summer, acquiring both Karl-Anthony Towns AND Mikal Bridges in trades.
Houston has a bunch of young guys who aren’t collectively good enough.
Jalen Green looked terrified.
Tari Eason is fine but plays like he’ll rip off a door handle trying to pull open a door that says “push”.
Jabari Smith was the 3rd overall pick in 2022 and has already become a guy off the bench, incapable of reliably obtaining his own shot.
I love Cam Whitmore and Reed Sheppard. Houston doesn’t.
The Rockets don’t need to go all in on just one player.
What about something like Zion Williamson and Jrue Holliday?
Austin Reeves and Paul George?
Trae Young and Naz Reid?
I know they’re about to trade all of their young players and all of their draft picks to Phoenix for 36-year-old Kevin Durant but can we, for a moment, pretend as if Houston’s options are limitless?
12. Washington Wizards
Washington has drafted in the lottery 5 of the last 6 years. They only had a pick in the Top 5 once, last year, Alex Sarr.
He’s fine.
But after once again falling out of the Top 5 in this year’s lottery—as perennial playoff teams like Dallas and Philadelphia land ahead of them—I think this may finally be the wake-up call for the Wizards front office.
You can no longer rely on tanking.
You could make the argument this team should’ve come to this realization after the 2022 Johnny Davis pick.
Washington won 18 games last season and won’t have the opportunity in this year’s draft to select anyone capable of getting them to 30 wins—which would still be awful.
I love what Portland’s doing.
Sure, they don’t necessarily have their “guy” yet. Still, they’re playing competitive basketball every night—acquiring and developing some interesting players in-house instead of praying Cooper Flagg is forced to be there.
Portland won twice as many games as Washington in a much more crowded Western Conference.
Sure, the lottery only gave them the 11th pick but I trust Portland will find some uncut gem.
Washington, this is a blessing.
Time to get some interesting rotation players together, build a nucleus. Maybe send that Jordan Poole contract out for a more reliable scorer and start playing basketball instead of whatever they’ve been doing since John Wall lost to a staircase.
13. Zion Williamson
If the Pelicans landed Cooper Flagg, I think they’d be a lot more interested in seeing what he and Zion Williamson looked like on the court together before deciding if they finally want to move on from their disappointing superstar.
But with the 7th pick? Eh.
That’s not sexy enough to feel confident in bringing this same shitty, injury-prone group of underachieving overachivers.
14. Giannis Antetokounmpo
Like Luka before him, all the chips are landing perfectly for Giannis to end up traded to a city he actually likes.
Portland sent a newly divorced, rich, single and ready to mingle Damian Lillard to Wisconsin to hit up Gordie’s for karaoke night so he could go home with Brenda—a 62-year-old alcoholic with an on-again/off-again relationship with showering.
Giannis is moving to Texas.
And now, onto the Losers…
1. Giannis Antetokounmpo
A report came out saying Giannis was intrigued by the idea of playing in a state without income taxes. You can interpret this as a clever way for Giannis to tell the Bucks which teams he prefers playing for without mentioning any teams by name.
OR
You can interpret this as yet another rich asshole with astronomically more money than he’ll ever be able to spend, wanting to do everything legally possible to avoid sharing any of that money with anyone.
Loser.
2. Rob Pelinka
Remember all the “if the Mavericks just waited til the end of the season, they could’ve maybe had a playoff run and traded Luka in the offseason” talk?
Well how about some “if the Lakers just played out the season, they could’ve slipped into the play-in, probably lost and ended up with their next Jerry West on a rookie contract instead of Luka sitting in Pelinka’s office to discuss a new contract while he eats a Wendy’s frosty before he asks “is it okay if I light a cigarette in here?”
Cooper Flagg and Austin Reeves could’ve starred in commercials together.
Like, every single commercial.
Caitlin Clark would obviously be in a lot of them too. State Farm knows what they’re doing.
3. PJ Washington
Hey PJ, get ready to learn salary dump, buddy. They’re already nailing in Cooper’s nameplate above your locker.
4. Everyone on the Spurs not named Victor Wembanyama
Hey, a bunch of big trades are about to happen and a lot of y’all ain’t tall enough to ride this ride.
Stephon Castle—congrats on the Rookie of the Year trophy. Tip your moving guys extra to make sure they don’t damage it when they’re moving your belongings inside a cold, Milwaukee apartment.
The Harrison Barnes/Kyle Kuzma 2-man game will be Jamal Murray/Nikola Jokic level annoying—except instead of annoying opposing defenses, it will frustrate the hell out of Bucks fans.
Everyone not a French mutant must go.
5. Daryl Morey
Nothing Daryl Morey has done in Philadelphia has led me to believe he is capable of being a good GM in the modern NBA.
Paul George spent years in Indiana telling us he always wanted to play at home, in Los Angeles, and the Clippers convinced him that he was as important and equal to Kawhi Leonard—only for Kawhi to sign the extension he wanted and George to be lowballed and embarrassed and hurt that the Clippers didn’t perceive Paul George the way he perceived himself.
Daryl Morey gave that man who openly admits to letting his emotions effect his play on the court, a max contract to come, at age 35, and be a massive part of a championship team built around a guy who doesn’t have knees and in a city that cannot wait to take Paul George’s knees.
Doesn’t matter what Philly does with this 3rd pick. It won’t work out.
6. Utah Jazz
That Rudy Gobert trade was sooooo funny. Until you realize the Timberwolves are about to make back-to-back Western Conference Finals with Rudy Gobert and in return, the Jazz got Walker Kessler, Keyonte George and whoever the 5th pick is. Sick. I definitely watched the Jazz this season and thought to myself, “Man, they’re missing the 5th-best college basketball player”.
Welp, another year of losing every single game. Great trade. Lol @ Minnesota, right?
7. Brooklyn Nets
The Brooklyn Nets were banking on either landing a Top 3 pick or being the desired location for Giannis—who once appeared open to moving to New York prior to his tax dodging.
Neither of those options are happening—although I reckon they could still be named in a shocking Shams Giannis trade tweet any day now. I have my doubts.
Good luck with all that cap space, though. Julius Randle won all those All-NBA’s, remember?
Yike.
8. Chicago Bulls and 9. Atlanta Hawks
The play-in gods—naturally landing the 12th and 13th picks—perfectly preparing them to select low-impact rotational guys to ensure these two ball clubs remain in the 7th-10th seeds in the East at all costs.
I suppose you can applaud these two ball clubs on their ‘consistency’, in that fans should know exactly what to expect year after year. No need to get your hopes up for the 2025-26 season. Nothing will be changing. Business as usual.
10. Karl Malone lovers
If you love Karl Malone then thank god the Utah Jazz still suck so you can enjoy The Mailman without him popping up at playoff games to remind everyone he’s a whole ass weirdo.
Horniness Killed The Celtics Dynasty and The Draymond Green Agenda™
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