thelesterlee
Growing up, Hooters was where your dad took you to make sure you weren’t gay. And now, future generations of fathers will lose their favorite conversion camp thanks to wokeness ending Hooters and leading to their bankruptcy.
Here’s the bad news according to Bloomberg:
Hooters of America is working with creditors on a plan to restructure the business through bankruptcy court in the coming months, according to people with knowledge of the arrangements.
The casual dining chain is working with law firm Ropes & Gray to ready a filing, said the people, who added the plans are not final and asked not to be identified discussing private preparations. The court process would likely begin within the next two months, the people said.
Do these libtards understand what they robbed us of?
Hooters was the only spot in town where guys could just be guys.
You and the homies could sit down to watch the game and spit some game to hot, young waitresses who weren’t just flirting back to get better tips. They totally liked us back as we begged for more wet naps with buffalo sauce dripping down our chins, staring directly at their cleavage.
Until the woke mind virus swept the nation and suddenly, Hooters was flooded with DEI hires. Gone were the hot busty blondes, replaced with trans and brown people.
Of course Hooters is filing for bankruptcy. Who wants to go eat at a restaurant where the girls are as ugly as your own wife?
Thanks to Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and woke water-carriers like Jimmy Kimmel, we are losing one of the final bastions of masculinity in this country.
Men are shamed for being attracted to women in this country. What chance did Hooters have in this oppressive political climate?
What other potential reasons could have caused the fall of Hooters?
A global pandemic in which over 7 million people lost their lives, changed the way we consume food. Lockdowns created a surge in dining-in and deliveries.
Hooters is a restaurant completely dependent on its in-house aesthetic and employees wearing skimpy outfits.
No one went to Hooters because their food was better than the alternative—meaning no one is opening up the DoorDash app to order wings from Hooters when you have to scroll past several restaurants that make better wings at prices that make sense.
The brand itself is antiquated and out of touch.
Hooters is culturally irrelevant.
Like Playboy, Hooters was a counter-culture revelation—fighting against evangelical conservatism and providing the world what they lacked: a place to see boobies and sports.
But this brand never changed with the times.
Hooters became a relic of a bygone era where the fellas would leave their nagging, bitch wives to huddle over uncomfortable high-top tables as young women who didn’t want to fold clothes at the mall all day served Budweisers to the DWI daddies table of 4, hollering like the MGM Big Bad Wolf whenever a waitress walked by with smoking fajitas.
Hooters is dead because you can’t sell TGI Fridays quality food in a building associated with perverts.
2 Ways To Save Hooters
1. Go full right-wing.
The only people excited about going to Hooters are losers—and the Venn diagram between losers and guys who can’t leave the house without putting on their Make America Great Again red hat is a perfect oval.
Lean all the way in on the target demo.
Have full-sized Donald Trump cut-outs at the door these dorks cant take photos next to.
Only hire teenage girls.
The only thing MAGA freaks love more than calling all democrats pedophiles is not-so-secretly preferring embarrassingly young girls.
Like this guy Daniel who cared sooooo much about Trump winning the 2020 election that he drove to Washington DC on January 6th to get arrested for assaulting an officer. They raided his home and found graphic photos of a 12-year-old girl on his phone.
Anyway yea, just go full MAGA with it.
These creeps have money to burn for a place to gather and complain about how woke people hate that they’re at Hooters—as they quickly get drunk and start calling their adult daughters, crying because their waitresses reminded them of her.
2. New delivery service
Okay, so Hooters’s entire appeal is the girls—which we know does not translate to Uber Eats.
SO, what if Hooters developed their own delivery service in which they bring the breasts to your front door?
Yes, we are launching Knockers, the at-home delivery service where Hooters models show up at your front door to hand deliver your meals in their tiny little uniforms.
The women will not have higher salaries despite their new job requirements and I don’t care if it’s snowing outside, you have to wear those little orange shorts in the cold. We cannot let woke win and I’m sure girls will be lining up for the opportunity to be sexy delivery drivers, traveling to horny men’s homes in scandalous outfits with the fear of these creepy men not letting them leave.
Welp, I just saved Hooters. Send the check whenever.
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