thelesterlee
I hate the Dallas Cowboys.
They dominate national NFL coverage despite not being a genuine Super Bowl contender since I was watching Doug and Rugrats.
Yet they still dogwalk my beloved New York Giants twice a year just to spite me, specifically. Dak Prescott has a dart board covered in photos of my beautiful face.
Most importantly, the Cowboys are run by Jerry Jones, a sundowning, cock-watching freak who just prevented Mike McCarthy from interviewing for the Chicago Bears head coaching job before announcing he won’t be re-signing McCarthy to a new deal because it’s important to not only fire someone but make sure they never work in this town again.
And it appears the reason for letting Mike McCarthy walk has become more clear.
The Cowboys have their eye on a bigger fish.
The Dallas Cowboys are in the early stages of their search to replace Mike McCarthy as head coach, but one name is already known: former Cowboys cornerback and current Colorado coach Deion Sanders.
A source said Cowboys owner and general manager Jerry Jones and Sanders spoke Monday, and while an interview has not been scheduled, the two are expected to continue their dialogue. Fox Sports first reported the conversation between the two sides. (ESPN)
Quick shout out to Fox Sports on the reporting of this story first. I imagine Joy Taylor had a face full of geriatric scrotum when Jerry Jones was making the call to Deion Sanders and told her to keep her voice down and work the gooch.
Anyway, it’s out there now.
The Cowboys are looking at Colorado head coach, Deion Sanders, as the new face of their franchise.
And it makes sense.
As Jerry Jones gets closer and closer to being reunited with all of his loved ones in hell, his interest in winning championships has waned.
The Dallas Cowboys exist as a popular brand an old man can attach himself to in order to actively receive praise and flowers before his funeral, which could be any day now.
If the Cowboys were interested in winning Super Bowls, they’d probably sign talented free agents and try to improve the roster with more than just 4th and 5th-round draft picks.
Oh, they also wouldn’t go for a guy with no NFL head coaching experience.
A guy who just coached two of the best players in the country, Shedeur Sanders and Travis Hunter, and couldn’t make the 12-team College Football Playoffs.
Perfect for Jerry Jones who isn’t interested in wins and losses.
Everyone at ESPN and Fox Sports talk about the Dallas Cowboys more than they talk to their own children. Adding Coach Prime will make the Cowboys even more of a daily trending topic.
Coach Prime was born to give silly post-game press conferences after back-breaking losses that eliminate the team from the postseason.
Would Deion Sanders even want to coach the Dallas Cowboys?
Here’s what Coach Prime said about getting the call from the Cowboys:
“To hear from Jerry Jones is truly delightful, and it’s intriguing. I love Jerry and believe in Jerry. After you hang up and process it, and think about it, it’s intriguing. But I love Boulder and everything there is about our team, the coaches, our student body and the community.”
I’m sure Deion loves Boulder, Colorado. I’m also sure he loves money and power and fame and adoration and attention and whatever under-the-table perks the Jones family can provide. Maybe a night with his Fox Sports source.
Plus, with his Shedeur and Travis Hunter in the NFL, I doubt Deion truly wants to just coach the Colorado fucking Bufallos for the rest of his life. He’s proven he can hang in the NCAA and I imagine he’s dangerously close to seeing if he has what it takes to compete at the biggest level.
Now, I think it would be a total disaster, like, Urban Meyer in Jacksonville-esque. But as I keep reiterating, wins don’t matter in Dallas. It’s all about getting eyeballs on the product.
Oh, and getting more middle-aged dads to purchase Cowboys jerseys to wear with their favorite big ass denim jeans.
As someone who spends all day writing about nonsense and riff raff, I am rooting for this Deion Sander Dallas Cowboys union.
They might go 0-17 next season. Can’t wait.
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