in Featured, NFL

NFL Week 7 Awards

From Mike Tomlin accidentally making a great decision to karma popping Deshaun Watson’s tire to Tim Boyle Tim Boyling, here are your NFL Week 7 awards

nfl week 7

NFL Week 7 in the books (minus Monday Night Football playing two games simultaneously for some reason). The 49ers lost to the Chiefs. Again. Saquon Barkley ran all over the Giants. Detroit took the NFC North crown off the Vikings corpse and speaking of deaths, Deshaun Watson may finally be out of our lives.

Here are the NFL Week 7 Awards:

The Disaster Class Award: New York Giants

nfl power rankings

If the objective of football is to score touchdowns then I have no idea what game the Giants are preparing for all week.

On Sunday, the Giants racked up a titanic 119 yards—their lowest total since 1999.

Daniel Jones is the only starting quarterback with 6 straight home games without a passing touchdown.

Jones threw for 99 yards and got sacked 7 times.

Drew fucking Lock came in the 4th quarter and the offense looked even worse.

The defense allowed Saquon Barkley to rush for 176 yards and a touchdown.

Every year, Brian Daboll and the boys lose divisional games and cannot locate the endzone and every year, Brian Daboll and the boys are all brought back to do it again.

Everyone not named Dexter Lawrence should be publicly shamed.

The Booger Eater Award: Aaron Rodgers

nfl week 7

The Jets solved all of their problems this week.

They fired their head coach. They traded for Davante Adams. Hasson Reddick is joining the team finally. *wipes hands clean* problem solved.

Last week, Mike Williams ran a bad route. Aaron Rodgers shit on him in the post game press conference. The Jets put Williams on the trade block and replaced him with Davante Adams.

Garrett Wilson just let a catch go off his hands and into the Steelers hands to the Jets goal line. Don’t be shocked if Wilson gets benched for like, Jordy Nelson.

But it’s allllll good in New York because Rodgers is in the zone, minding his own business.

Gotta get a little snack on the sidelines.

The Red Zone MVP Award: Jahmyr Gibbs

nfl week 7

Last season, the Lions said they’d be using Jahmyr Gibbs in “ways people might not expect” and naturally, I mocked them.

But the 2024 Detroit Lions are using everyone in ways teams don’t expect.

Oh, and they’ll also just hand the ball of to Gibbs normally and he’ll still dominate a game.

116 rushing yards and 2 touchdowns. Light work.

The RIP BOZO Award: Deshaun Watson

deshaun watson achilles

AHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHABAHAHAHAHABBHBAHAHAHAHAHAHABHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHHHAAHABAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHABHBAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHABHAHAHAHAHAHAHALOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHLMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHABAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAAAAAAAAAAAHLOLAHAHA

RIP weirdo.

The GET OUT OF HERE Award: Tim Boyle

nfl week 7

On 4th and 2 with 10 seconds left and the Dolphins down 6 points, Tim Boyle made the most Tim Boyle play of all time.

He threw the ball away. The game ended.

Tim Boyle wasn’t even facing any pass rush. He didn’t see a receiver open within his first 0.5 seconds of dropping back and played it safe by throwing it out of bounds—to lose.

Didn’t try to get the ball to Tyreek Hill or Jaylen Waddle, didn’t try to scramble or make a play—he just automatically threw it out.

I hate Tim Boyle.

Biggest Winner: Mike Tomlin

nfl week 7

Justin Fields led the Steelers to a 4-2 record.

And Mike Tomlin benched him for 35-year-old Russell Wilson. Seattle and Denver changed the locks on Russ. He should not be a starting quarterback in 2024.

Russ threw that ball like me throwing a flip-flop at a spider on my kitchen floor.

Then Russ finished with 246 passing yards and 2 touchdowns. The Steelers won 37-15.

People love talking about Kyle Shanahan and Andy Reid and the Brothers Harbaugh but Mike Tomlin made a decision that could’ve ended the Steelers season, and instead, the team is sitting in first place in one of the hardest divisions in sports.

Tomlin is one of the GOATs.

Let’s celebrate this big balls move before Russ gets too confident, starts posting corny TikToks and turns back into the washed sociopath he is.


Myyyyy nigga.

Biggest Loser: Brock Purdy

nfl week 7

Brock Purdy is statistically one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL. He gets his numbers. Good for him.

Against the Chiefs, not so much.

Here’s what Purdy managed to do in his big Super Bowl rematch:

  • 17-for-31
  • 212 yards
  • 0 touchdowns
  • 3 interceptions
  • 36.7 passer rating

All 3 of those interceptions came on Kansas’s side of the field, including one on the 5-yard line.

Perfect toss to the defense.

Then he got undressed by his head coach for 5 straight minutes after the game. My man was so bad at his job, he got written up at work.

It turns out the final pick of the draft isn’t talented enough to overcome missing Christian McCaffrey, Deebo Samuel, Brandon Aiyuk, Jauan Jennings and Trent Williams.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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