in Lists, NFL

9 Biggest Losers of NFL Week 7

nfl week 7

Someone emailed me about bringing back the weekly losers column and who am I to rob people of their opportunity to point at some of the biggest losers in the NFL? Personally, I was trying to be more positive in my life but that’s just not me. I do my best work when I’m miserable. We’re throwing that positive in the trash and getting back to mocking everyone and everything.

Here are the 9 biggest losers of NFL Week 7:

 

1. Josh McDaniels

The Chicago Bears started rookie quarterback Tyson Bagent out of the prestigious quarterback factory of Division II Shepherd University.

Bagent controlled the game and led the Bears to a 30-12 victory over a Raiders team that is far too talented to be losing to Shepherd University’s baby boy. I can’t even find Bagent’s college stats. I imagine they didn’t have the greatest strength of schedule.

This time last year, Tyson Bagent was battling against future middle school teachers and future custodians. And now he’s beating Yannick Ngakoue and Tremaine Edwards.

Davante Adams. Josh Jacobs. Hunter Renfrow. Jakobi Meyers—the Raiders have one of the most talented locker rooms and it doesn’t matter because their head coach hates winning football games and just lost to TYSON FUCKING BAGENT.

Josh McDaniels, chose to start 38-year-old Brian Hoyer instead of rookie, Aidan O’Connell who has been praised by his teammates for his performances in practice.

It’s over for Hoyer. Actually, it’s not over for Brian Hoyer. It never began for Hoyer.

We know what he is and most importantly, we know what he isn’t. A good NFL head coach would use this Jimmy Garoppolo injury as an opportunity to groom his rookie backup into a competent NFL player but not Josh McDaniels.

Here’s how Hoyer performed against the Bears:

  • 129 passing yards
  • 2 interceptions
  • 37.1 passer rating

No idea what the fuck McDaniels is talking about.

Quick fun fact: Brian Hoyer has lost his last 13 starts. Feels like the head coach should’ve been aware of that one.

Last season, this Raiders team lost to the Los Angeles Rams two days after Baker Mayfield just signed with the Rams. Mayfield flew in from Carolina and beat the Raiders without even knowing the playbook yet.

They also lost to the Indianapolis Colts the same week they hired Jeff Saturday directly from his TV job at ESPN. Dude changed careers on Tuesday. On Sunday, he beat Josh McDaniels.

This team would be in first place if they fired McDaniels and didn’t even bother replacing him.

2. Deshaun Watson

deshaun watson

Deshaun Watson is a loser every week no matter what happens on the field. Let’s be very clear about that. The Cleveland Browns beat the Colts 39-38 but that was in spite of their creepy quarterback playing like shit once again.

Deshaun Watson threw only 5 passes on Sunday. Only one was completed. For 5 yards. One pass went into the hands of the Colts defense. Then he kind of, maybe faked an injury to stay on the sidelines.

We are watching a man who was exposed as a pervert attempt to rehabilitate in real-time and in public. I think it affects the way he performs on Sundays. Now, I do not feel bad for this sociopath who still claims to have done nothing wrong but yea, you can’t go from being the Man and having a squeaky clean image and a universal approval rating to being exposed as a nasty happy ending fiend who was begging for pussy. I imagine that changes a person’s confidence.

He’s so tense out there. If only he could DM every woman in Cleveland demanding handjobs like his old glory days.

3. Cleveland Browns

deshaun watson

The worst trade of all time. Any time I mention how shitty Deshaun Watson is, I have to bring up that the Browns traded a bajillion draft picks and gave the biggest contract to a guy who was in the middle of dozens of women lining up to call him a sexual predator.

Midnight blackout drunk at the bar level decision-making coming out of Ohio. The team is 4-2 with a fantastic defense but they will never succeed because they put all their chips in the rapist basket. Yike.

4. Patriots fans

bill belichick mac jones

Before their game started, it was reported that Bill Belichick quietly signed a contract extension prior to the 2023 NFL season. Then the Patriots went out there and won their second game of the season against the Buffalo Bills to celebrate their legendary head coach.

Typically, seeing Mac Jones have a great game and look genuinely confident out there should be a positive for Patriots fans but I’ve seen him play enough times to know he is meant to be a backup QB who plays like, once every 19 months but with one random Week 7 victory over Josh Allen, the Patriots will be stuck with Belichick—who might be the worst GM in the NFL and Mac Jones—who should be working at Target right now.

And I don’t care how many strange special teams trick plays Bill Belichick unleashes, the modern NFL has passed him by and it’s time to retire and go win Linda Holliday back.

5. Daniel Jones

With Daniel Jones under center, the Giants looked like they were about to be a historically pathetic offense.

He injured his neck and in 2 weeks, Tyrod has transformed this team and led a 14-7 victory over the Washington Commanders. Tyrod helped lead the Giants first touchdown drive in the first half of a game this year.

I am a firm believer that offensive line play is 50% fundamentals and footwork and all that shit, and the other 50% is motivation. The Tampa Bay Buccaneers offensive line was fine. Tom Brady showed up and suddenly they were one of the best units in football and I think those 5 men wanted to keep Tom Brady on his feet.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence this trash Giants offensive line suddenly looks capable when Tyrod Taylor is back there instead of Daniel Jones. It’s clear the team doesn’t think Jones is the guy. Thank god he just signed that big contract extension.

But real quick, can we talk about Tyrod Taylor in these Giants throwback unis??

nfl week 7

Tyrod Taylor is the first black starting quarterback to win a game in New York Giants history. Nothing but respect for my Jackie Robinson.

6. Arthur Smith

The Atlanta Falcons won on Sunday. They lead the NFC South. But man, this team sucks and I have no one to blame but Arthur Smith who turns every football game into Bush-era torture for anyone attempting to watch them. Kyle Pitts could be the best tight end in the NFL and his main responsibility in this offense is to seal the edge on a run play. Sick.

Arthur Smith is so bad at utilizing his talent that the NFL is literally investigating the team and looking into why Bijan Robinson didn’t play more. Bijan was apparently sick but wasn’t listed in the injury report and also played a little bit.

Oh, and Desmond Ridder still sucks.

Ridder fumbled 3 times. I’d have to imagine his backup, Taylor Heinicke, would fumble fewer times. If Arthur Smith cut Desmond Ridder today and announced himself as the new starting QB, Smith would fumble less than 3 times.

7. Justin Herbert

I like Justin Herbert. He has a cannon and is capable of making any throw on a football field so this slander isn’t personal. He’s far more naturally talented than most QBs on the planet.

BUT the perception around Herbert is changing after every disappointing performance. I think we’re looking around and realizing there is only one great quarterback: Patrick Mahomes. Everyone else is confusing and inconsistent week-to-week.

Herbert has 3 straight weeks throwing below 300 yards and completing less than 60% of his passes. Justin Herbert can’t be automatically slotted into that Top 5 convo when he’s putting up Joey Harrington numbers.

Step your shit up, Justin.

8. Brett Maher

Brett Maher missed two field goals in the Los Angeles Rams 17-24 loss to the Pittsburgh Steelers. When you play these midseason games against the Steelers, every single field goal matters. These are the games Mike Tomlin wins to maintain his status of never having a losing season.

Brett Maher is now making about 73% of his kicks making him the 29th ranked kicker in the NFL. I mean, that’s not good.

9. The Cool Kids


Ugh, it’s soooo annoying when the Chiefs broadcast cuts to Taylor Swift in the press box instead of awkward shots of Andy Reid or random shots of fans.

The NFL is the worst league in the world because it acknowledges one of the biggest stars in the world.

This is the final straw, right? You’re done watching? Not the years of racism and their complete disinterest in keeping their players safe or even alive? The fact that Taylor Swift is seen? Ok. Must be difficult being so fucking cool, man. How do you do it? May I have a ride on your motorcycle?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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