7 Biggest Losers of NFL Week 17

NFL Week 17 is done. An emotionally exhausting week filled with massive meltdowns, legacy-reaffirming wins and near-tragedies.

AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, there were some big ol’ losers.

Here are the 7 biggest losers of NFL Week 17:

1. Carson Wentz

Took Carson Wentz 3 plays to throw an INT pic.twitter.com/IbXXELrOyw

— Barstool Sports (@barstoolsports) January 1, 2023

Carson Wentz, man. It is remarkable how atrocious he is playing the quarterback position but what’s even more remarkable is his ability to continue to gain opportunities to play the quarterback position.

2da INT de Carson Wentz en 6 pasespic.twitter.com/opxg2jRSuD

— NFL Latino TV 🏈🎅🎄 (@NFLlatinoTV) January 1, 2023

I strive to be more like Wentz. I envy the irrational confidence that makes him believe he is the ultimate playmaker who can squeeze balls into impossible windows. His belief that he has the arm strength to rocket a ball downfield even though it’s often in double coverage and frequently takes so long to get downfield that all of the defenders have ample time to pick it off as if they were the intended receivers.

Wentz makes $22 million this year. My man threw 3 terrible interceptions and just jogged off to the field knowing his massive direct deposit went through regardless of how awful he was.

2. Ron Rivera

Ron Rivera is not without blame. He elected to start Carson Wentz over Taylor Heinicke even though I’m fairly certain every single Commanders fan knows Heinicke is a better QB and doesn’t randomly throw interceptions on like, 5-yard slant routes like Wentz. At this point, Rivera is fully aware of who Wentz is and even he still sent him out there under the bullshit belief of this high ceiling that Carson might have demonstrated like, 6 years and 2 teams ago. It’s over. He stinks.

Here’s Ron in the post-game press conference learning that he could be eliminated from the playoffs:

Here’s the video.

I am absolutely gobsmacked that Rivera didn’t know that the Commanders could be eliminated today.

How does this happen in the modern NFL?
Did this impact his decision to start Wentz?

I’m so confused right now. pic.twitter.com/9BNCr26mxm

— Chad Ryan (@ChadwikoTWW) January 1, 2023

Whether you believe Ron Rivera literally just learned that he could be eliminated or you believe he was being sarcastic because he was annoyed at what he perceives to be a silly question: this is a man whose season was on the line and decided to put all his chips on Carson fucking Wentz.

It’s over, Ron.

3. Daniel Snyder

Big ‘Fuck Washington’ energy coming from me today. Also every day, but it’s important to acknowledge the top-to-bottom failures of this raggedy ass organization. The owner of Washington is in the midst of an investigation regarding his toxic work environment full of sexual harassment and overall chaos. The NFL wants him to sell the team. He’s a dirtbag with no regard for women or any of his subordinates.

Meet the #Commanders new mascot, Major Tuddy

According to the team, his love for Washington football began when he was just a piglet after watching the Hogs offensive lines of the 80s and 90s.

He also hails from Upper MarlBOARo, Maryland. @nbcwashington @JPFinlayNBCS #HTTC pic.twitter.com/k6MmpizEcw

— NBC4 Sports (@NBC4Sports) January 1, 2023

And now they have the worst mascot in sports. Send Washington to the Canadian Football League.

4. Mike White

Mike White was given the keys to the kingdom. Zach Wilson was benched in the most dramatic way possible and White immediately showed what the Jets offense was missing with Wilson: a true field general that players respect and who can spread the ball to every receiver instead of just eying down the first read and never adjusting to what the defense is doing. Zach Wilson stinks.

But after suffering a brutal rib injury and weeks of begging doctors to clear him, Mike White finally returned to claim his job as QB1 for the New York Jets. Here’s what he did against the Seattle Seahawks:

23-for-46 (50%)
240 yards
0 touchdowns
2 interceptions
47.4 passer rating

The Jets were eliminated from the playoffs and Mike White solidified his role as just a backup for the remainder of his career. Damn.

5. Kerryon Johnson

Kerryon Johnson played seasons with the Detroit Lions and at 25, he’s a free agent unable to make his way back on an NFL field. That sucks. But shout out to him and his sense of humor after a fan accidentally got his jersey as a gift:

Boyyyyyy i know you was SICK😂😂😂😂 https://t.co/4RGkdcxHK8

— Kerryon Johnson (@AyeyoKEJO) January 1, 2023

So I guess Kerryon Johnson isn’t the loser in this situation. He seems to be super self aware and fine with his life. This kid with the Kerryon Johnson jersey though, now that’s a loser.

6. Kirk Cousins MVP talk

There were real NFL media members trying to make Kirk Cousins MVP happen. The Minnesota Vikings were 12-3 coming into NFL Week 17 with the chance to eliminate the Green Bay Packers from the playoffs.

Kirk Cousins with another INT pic.twitter.com/9pTp3yh2hR

— Main Team (@MainTeamSports) January 1, 2023

Kirk Cousins Kirk Cousin-ed. The Vikings lost 41-17 and Cousins threw 3 interceptions. It’s worth noting that when the games mattered most this week, Aaron Rodgers and Tom Brady looked like their old selves and Kirk Cousins looked like, well, his old self.

This Vikings season is cool and I’m sure their fans are happy but yea, they hit their heads on the Kirk Cousins ceiling and they will be heartbroken when they are immediately bounced from the playoffs.

7. The NFL

It genuinely sucks having to write this weekly losers article less than 24 hours after watching Buffalo Bills defensive back, Damar Hamlin, almost die on a football field on Monday night following a pretty routine play. Even if you want to make the point that the play was unavoidable and it was some freak accident, the NFL still attempted to restart that game as if those players didn’t watch their brother’s heart stop in the middle of the first quarter.

All of this seems silly in this context but this is a league that allows Deshaun Watson to make $200 million and whip out his little wee-wee to unexpected women at work. A league that has an owner in Dan Snyder who is a confirmed piece of shit but refuses to do anything about him because it would be ‘hard’.

The NFL is a league you have to watch knowing in the back of your mind that these players are risking their lives every single play for owners who were literally protesting outside of schools in Little Rock to keep black kids from integrating. These players have to risk their lives in front of fans who don’t care if police are murdering their brothers and sisters as long as they don’t ruin their viewing experience with their little kneeling protests.

I can’t even enjoy the Giants clinching the playoffs because the NFL stinks. Go Giants tho.