thelesterlee
Cam Newton announced this week that he’d be throwing at Auburn’s pro day so he can get in front of more team scouts and hopefully, rejuvenate his NFL career.
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3/21 ÄÜßÜRÑ, ÄŁ‼️😈#šhïñëTHRŪthëŠHÄDĒ#ñøtFØRłïkëšJŪŠTførŁÏFĒ
-1ØVĒ🤟🏾 pic.twitter.com/b3I1OiZCgK— Cameron 1 Newton (@CameronNewton) March 20, 2023
Let’s see how it went:
HOLY HELL, Cam Newton
— MLFootball (@_MLFootball) March 21, 2023
Oh..oh wow.
That throw almost makes you forget his last stop in Carolina in 2021 where he lost all 5 games he started, completed 54% of his passes and threw 4 touchdowns to 5 interceptions with a 64.4 passer rating.
Combining how great he looked at that pro day and how terrible he looked the last few years, here are the 4 teams that should sign Cam Newton:
1. San Francisco 49ers
The 49ers are entering the 2023 NFL season with both of their quarterbacks recovering from injuries. Brock Purdy’s elbow exploded and Trey Lance’s leg was obliterated. Cam Newton would literally just be the healthy body they lack.
Plus, I have no idea if Lance or Purdy are actually good. It’s been made clear that Kyle Shanahan understands how to make a Thanksgiving feast out of whatever leftovers he finds in the fridge the following day.
Cam Newton can do what Brock Purdy did last season. Sure. That stacked defense just signed Javon Hargrove adding his 11 sacks to a D-Line right next to Nick Bosa. Cam Newton would be getting the ball in phenomenal field position every time he jogs out there.
2. Orlando Guardians
The Orlando Guardians are 0-5 this season. They are the worst team in a league full of bad teams. They went into the year with Paxton Lynch as their QB1 before inevitably benching him making Lynch the first quarterback to ever be benched in the NFL, CFL, USFL and now the XFL. A legend.
Lynch was benched for Quinten Dormady—who the team would quickly need to cut after reports came out that Dormany was sharing Guardians offensive plays with their opponents before they played.
The Guardians need a quarterback who isn’t actively sabotaging the team. Cam Newton can do that.
3. Albany Empire
Last month, the Arena Football League announced they are returning even though they went bankrupt in 2019 and are now restarting in an age where there is even more competition for non-NFL leagues today then they were when they failed the first time.
The Albany Empire is a team co-owned by Antonio Brown. I don’t know if Antonio Brown and Cam Newton have any relationship but like, would it surprise you if they were boys? The asshole who takes his dick out at the hotel pool and the asshole who types in the most annoying font ever.
They need to join forces and win 2-3 games.
4. Home Depot
If I haven’t made it clear yet, I think Cam Newton is washed. Sure, he’s probably good enough to be a backup quarterback but he posted a video saying he doesn’t think there are 32 quarterbacks better than him which means he believes he can still be a consistent NFL starter.
He can not.
His physical gifts have diminished and he’s an injury-prone backup with absolutely no self-awareness. He can take his talents to the local Home Depot and join that sales team. I bet there aren’t 32 cashiers better Cam.
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