thelesterlee
Welcome to Why Your Favorite Team Will Win The Super Bowl 2024 where we trick ourselves into believing our favorite teams are Super Bowl destined, ignoring all logic and common sense. Let’s talk about the 2024 Atlanta Falcons.
How did 2023 go?
With the no. 8 pick, the Atlanta Falcons drafted Bijan Robinson, a dynamic running back whose individual talent was wasted playing with Desmond Ridder—a Logic-faced gladiator, fighting for the rights of every mediocre employee in the country—and a defense programmed to default factory settings.
The Falcons finished 3rd place in a division where Baker Mayfield looked like Katie Ledecky dominating the other swimmers whose names we never bother learning. Bryce Young makes Baker Mayfield look like John Elway.
It’s never great when the most important player on your team is Cordarrelle Patterson.
Arthur Smith was fired. Good.
Quarterback report
The Falcons made a genius, next-level, futuristic, Einstein decision to sign a 36-year-old fresh off a torn Achilles.
Kirk Cousins makes more money than Matthew Stafford and Aaron Rodgers—two players Kirk has never in his life been better than but never in his life made less money than.
Kirk’s agent is Agent Smith.
Atlanta did the science.
A disabled geriatric who loves road trips because every hotel comes equipped with his favorite book is an astronomical improvement over Desmond Ridder and his 12 touchdowns with 12 interceptions last year.
But this is where Falcons GM, Terry Fontenot, really put his foot in it.
Last year, Atlanta used the 8th pick on a running back they didn’t need and with the 8th pick of this year’s draft, they selected a quarterback they didn’t need.
Terry Fontenot wants to be Dave Gettleman so bad. Stan culture is out of control.
Sure, Atlanta could’ve drafted someone who could make an immediate Week 1 impact but Michael Penix Jr may be the best quarterback from his draft class.
Kirk Cousins is one huge hit away from going away. Having the next guy in the building with the potential to be a top-10 QB is how you sustain greatness.
And yea, Michael Penix Jr is already 24 years old so sitting for a few years means he won’t start until his late 20’s but who cares?
If the assumption is that 36-year-old Kirk Cousins can play until he’s 39 or 40 then why can’t Penix? That’s still 10+ years of Penix as Atlanta’s franchise QB.
Did you guys watch Desmond Ridder??? Atlanta is NEVER going through that again.
Coach’s Corner
Honestly Falcons fans… Who better than coach Raheem Morris!?! Class act and a real dude. We are in GREAT hands ATL. 🔥🔥 pic.twitter.com/fLP1ZwXtOf
— Sizzle (@SizzleHybrid) August 3, 2024
Look at the way my man hit the swim-move through that white lady to celebrate with his people.
The vibes may be electric in Atlanta.
Raheem Morris is bringing a swag different from the sick, Victorian child energy Arthur Smith spread through the facility.
Schedule notes
Atlanta plays the Panthers twice. So yea.
I do want to talk about their Week 1 revenge game against the Pittsburgh Steelers and their new offensive coordinator, Arthur Smith.
Last season, the Falcons offense ranked 26th in scoring.
And now Arthur Smith is taking his wack-ass offense to Pennsylvania, teaming up with Russell Wilson to form a noose around Mike Tomlin’s neck. Atlanta might win by 50.
Player to get excited about: Jessie Bates III
The Atlanta Falcons quietly have the best safety on the planet.
Jessie Bates III with INT #3 pic.twitter.com/nMFwFgu6mZ
— 92.9 The Game (@929TheGame) September 24, 2023
Oh, and Bijan Robinson is pretty good too or whatever.
Bijan Robinson straight out of a video game 🎮 pic.twitter.com/rvaoC9ynES
— Football’s Greatest Moments (@FBGreatMoments) August 5, 2024
If only Kyle Pitts hadn’t peaked in college.
Maybe, for the 4th season in a row, Pitts will finally emerge as a top tight end in the NFL. It would be cool if he scored more than 3 touchdowns just once.
Best case scenario
The NFC South is up for grabs. The New Orleans Saints were specifically designed to be the most average team in NFL history. Average QB. Average head coach. Roster is fine.
Between Drake London, Bijan Robinson, Kyle Pitts, Atlanta has one of the most talented skill groups in the league.
Between AJ Terrell and Jessie Bates III, the Falcons may have the best secondary in the league.
If Kirk Cousins has Wolverine’s healing powers and can return to the field as if he didn’t just BLOW OUT HIS ACHILLES then Atlanta could beat the dogshit out of all the weak teams in their way.
Worst case scenario
Kirk Cousins has one foot and struggles to learn a new offense, failing to develop any chemistry with his teammates, the Falcons could be a hilarious football team. All that talent for nothing.
But I’m sure the 2024 Atlanta Falcons are going straight to the Super Bowl this year. Whatever.
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How do you think the 2024 Atlanta Falcons will look? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.
