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Why Your Favorite Team Will Win The Super Bowl 2024: Arizona Cardinals

From Kyler Murray returning healthy to Marvin Harrison Jr coming to revolutionize the reciever position, let’s talk 2024 Arizona Cardinals

2024 arizona cardinals

Welcome to Why Your Favorite Team Will Win The Super Bowl 2024 where we trick ourselves into believing our favorite teams are Super Bowl destined, ignoring all logic and common sense. Let’s talk about the 2024 Arizona Cardinals

 

How did 2023 go?

We love the Cardinals, don’t we folks? (No but seriously, I am a closeted Kyler Murray fan and this may be the year where he finally aligns his unbelievable natural gifts with a hyper-focused, borderline unhealthy obsession with winning, and unprecedented injury-luck—setting him on a course to MVP votes. But we’ll get to all that later.

The 2023 Arizona Cardinals won 4 games. I’ll be honest, that’s enough. That’s so few wins. 4. AGAIN. Back-to-back 4 win seasons. Entirely different front office and coaching staff year-to-year and the same exact outcome. If you combined the win totals of their last two seasons, they’d STILL be considered an awful team.

BUT, Kyler Murray missed the first 9 games of the season recovering from a torn ACL. When he returned, he had a massive 3 touchdown game against the Eagles, putting the nail in the strange coffin of the 2023 Eagles.

Still just 4 wins though.

Quarterback report

I don’t want to do the thing where we pretend to care about quarterbacks being overpaid. I can make the argument that every quarterback is overpaid like, public school teachers should swap salaries so yea, Kyler makes a ton but they all do. Who cares?

Instead, I simply want to point to the footage:

Kyler Murray has a new co-worker who can do shit like that. Marvin Harrison Jr’s name is already written on the Offensive Rookie of the Year trophy.

Coach’s Corner

2024 arizona cardinals

I know this article is supposed to be positive as we pretend as if the 2024 Arizona Cardinals have any chance of winning the Super Bowl but look at head coach, Jonathan Gannon, man. Can you envision, in your mind’s eye, this seat-sniffer holding the Lombardi trophy over his head??

This man took a 4 win team and led them right back to 4 wins. Ok.

Okay, back to the schtick.

Jonathan Gannon announced Kyler Murray won’t appear in the preseason. Smart.

On the surface, it looks like a decision to keep Kyler Murray physically fresh for Week 1 but in reality, coach Gannon’s thinking 3 steps ahead.

Let Desmond Ridder and Clayton Tune get every single live snap they can get because given Kyler’s history, those guys are 1000% going to be forced to play at some point this year.

Stay ready, never gotta get ready.

 

Schedule notes

Arizona’s first 3 games of the season are against Buffalo, Los Angeles (Rams) and Detroit. If they win 2 out of those 3, we out here.

They will have established themselves as a true threat if they come out of the gates swinging on anybody.

I’m sure that’ll tooooooootally happen.

Player to get excited about: Sean Murphy-Bunting

Nothing to do with anything football-related but I have my eye on this sicko.

My man is out here carrying Bobbi Althoff’s drunk ass out of the bar.

Always great when your new signing spends his free time with the freshly divorced podcaster who is actively building her brand as the awkward white girl who is startled by black culture.

I’m not even being sarcastic. In the NFL, being a weirdo off the field almost always translates to success.

Every time Rashee Rice runs someone over, his Madden rating goes up.

Also yea, Cardinals fans should be excited about Marin Harrison Jr. too. He’s good as shit.

Best case scenario

Kyler Murray may be playing behind a professional offensive line consisting of 5 actual NFL offensive linemen for the first time in his career.

Jonah Williams signed from Cincinnati.

Last year’s 6th overall pick, Paris Johnson Jr, recently said he’s trying to become the best tackle in the NFL.

If Kyler Murray plays 17 games, the Cardinals are a playoff team and we all know once you get into the postseason, anything can happen.

Last year, the Dolphins were the most explosive offense in the NFL and they only scored 7 points in their playoff game against the Chiefs.

Baker Mayfield beat the Dallas Cowboys. Baker Mayfield.

Anything can happen.

Worst case scenario

I wrote about the 2024 Atlanta Falcons but I’ll say it here: Desmond Ridder makes Christian Hackenberg look like Dan Marino.

When it comes to playing the quarterback position, Desmond Ridder’s ability is wayyyyy closer to mine than Patrick Mahomes’s.

If Kyler misses a single snap, Ridder is dragging this team to hell.

I have never seen a player casually walk into the endzone with the end result being 0 points for his team and the other team getting the ball on the 20.

But I’m sure Kyler will be healthy and Marvin Harrison will be an all-pro and their head coach will grow a connecting beard and the Cardinals are winning the Super Bowl.

 

 

 

 

 

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How do you think the 2024 Arizona Cardinals will look?  Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. 

 

Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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