What is Kliff Kingsbury Doing in Thailand?

The Arizona Cardinals had one of the most disappointing seasons this year finishing 4-13 following an 11-6 playoffs campaign the season before.

Naturally, head coach Kliff Kingsbury was fired immediately.

Let’s see how Kingsbury plans on re-tooling and getting prepared to interview for more sideline jobs:

As I just reported on FOX, multiple teams have contacted Kliff Kingsbury for their vacant OC job.

He bought a one way ticket to Thailand and has told teams (respectfully) that he’s not interested at the moment. @NFLonFOX

— Peter Schrager (@PSchrags) January 14, 2023

Oh.

Kliff Kingsbury is escaping the grind.

The 43-year-old is getting his mind right in Thailand—the international sex tourism capital of the world.

Some could argue that this is exactly why the Cardinals have failed to live up to expectations. This just confirms my theory that you cannot succeed in sports with a horny head coach.

You need an asexual sociopath who dedicates his life to football and only smiles when a rookie free safety that you scouted since middle school takes an interception all the way to the house in a meaningless Week 17 game because they just sat down and went over that wide receiver’s route with the free safety on the team bus on the way to the stadium.

Not Kliff though.

He’s more focused on cooming.

Of course Kingsbury and Kyler Murray lost respect for each other.

One man is addicted to video games and the other is addicted to ladyboys.

Not one adult in that room cared about what happened on Sundays. JJ Watt only shows up to sign autographs for the sickest local children in the area. St. Jude’s All-Stars.

But there is one part of this story that makes me think Kingsbury isn’t done coaching.

See, the best coaches in the world are massive liars.

College coaches trick teenagers and their parents into believing they actually care about them so they can come to smash their brains and win championships. Players shorten their life expectancy while coaches leave practice early to go over their beach house renovations with their interior designers.

NFL coaches pretend to be these hands-on, all-knowing octopuses who have their paws in everything when they often let their coordinators do most of the work and they exist exclusively to call time outs.

In this report, Kliff claims he purchased a one-way ticket to Thailand but it is literally impossible to purchase a one-way ticket on a tourist visa.

You can’t just show up and stay in other countries as long as you want.

Have you seen how America treats immigrants? Other countries aren’t better at that.

Kliff Kingsbury didn’t buy a one-way ticket to Thailand.

He wants to create the narrative that he’s so heartbroken he needs to escape the modern world and hide away in a developing nation for an undetermined amount of time in order to get his mind right.

Meanwhile, he’s only there so his IG model girlfriend can get some pics off while he shops for raw meat at the local downtown red district.

Farewell, coach Kingsbury.

We will never forget your lasting legacy of stealing an NFL coaching job from far more qualified candidates.