CJ Stroud just had one of the best rookie seasons ever.
The no. 2 overall pick took a Houston Texans team that, well, earned the no. 2 pick, and not only led them to the postseason but took a first-round W away from the former Texans star QB who was traded to Cleveland because he became obsessed with jizzing himself in front of licensed, credentialed massage therapists.
Stroud has every reason to embrace the fruits of becoming a star NFL QB—so it made sense to see him pop up dating Amber Rose this offseason.
Tony Romo had Jessica Simpson.
Russell Wilson had Ciara.
CJ Stroud had the girl all 53 players on the Houston Texans also slept with. Also everyone on the Houston Rockets. Some Astros. Maybe even a Dynamo or two. I see you, Amine Bassi.
CJ spent this year’s NFL draft on cam with Dallas Cowboys pass rusher, Micah Parsons. Stroud was on Parsons’s pod a few times but that’s to be expected. Two young Texas football stars hanging out, turning it into content to sell Bose headphones and Sleep Number mattresses. It happens.
This week, Stroud’s appearance on another podcast has been slowly trickled out, including his desire to have a career more like Eli Manning than Aaron Rodgers because Eli has more rings. Stroud also said Matty Stafford would have 3-4 more rings if he played for the Packers instead of Aaron Rodgers. Although I don’t agree with any of his specific takes, I 1000% support all Aaron Rodgers slander. Keep going.
But we are getting dangerously close to too much CJ Stroud. We’ve seen it a million times. We celebrate a new, interesting star and quickly turn him into a villain. Stephen A. Smith or Colin Cowherd will go viral complaining about Stroud appearing in too many commercials and he should be studying the playbook instead of Zooming into podcasts.
He loses an important game and suddenly it’s because his mind isn’t singularly focused on getting first downs, even if the loss was the result of defensive mistakes he had nothing to do with him.
His name will keep popping up on people’s social media feeds but instead of touchdown highlights, he’s sharing another hot take no one asked for and you say to yourself “Alright, man. Put down the podcast mic and play football”.
4,108 passing yards
23 touchdowns to only 5 interceptions.
63.9% completion percentage.
He led the league in passing yards per game.
Offensive Rookie of the Year
Pro Bowl
One of the best rookie campaigns in NFL history. I just have to keep chanting this to myself as I get annoyed with his takes then I get annoyed at sports media personalities talking about him like they found him in bed with their daughters—unprotected too—and then Stroud doubles down on the way the media perceives him, playing the villain role to troll the trolls, only to morph into the man he’s never wanted to be: Aaron Rodgers.
I’m going to watch some Stroud highlights. Remember the good times before I hate him for reasons out of his control.
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