I don’t live in NYC. Fortunately, I’m close enough to have spent the last 4 years within the news cyclone of Mayor Eric Adams—who recently announced the end of his re-election campaign.
Zohran Mamdani was dominating the zeitgeist—hitting Eric Adams with body shots as Eric Adams was out late, doing body shots off Latina bartenders, about to make big enough tips to put their children through college, funded by NY tax payers—the true socialism weirdos are terrified of. Free college for working-class families.
Thank you for your service, Eric.
Let’s keep these vibes going.
We’re all here, having a good time—pretending Eric Adams was a good guy.
So here are my favorite moments from the GOATest of all time, first ballot Scammer’s Hall of Famer, the great, Mayor Eric Adams:
1. His Secret Side Queen
Of course his political career would end with a tell-all book.
Earlier this month, Jasmine Ray—the city’s first director of the Mayor’s Office of Sports, Wellness and Recreation—a $160,000-a-year job created by the City Council months before he took office—announced a book detailing her decade-long affair with Eric Adams.
Incredible.
Eric Adams created a fake job for his secret girlfriend—then once she realized she’d no longer have that free direct depositt once Adams was gone—she immediately went to the publisher with a book idea for her next big payday.
Only Eric Adams would think the stripper is actually in love with him.
Twice last year, Ms. Ray said she told the mayor she wanted him to talk with her about their relationship in the hopes of getting closure, only for the mayor to say, “Not now, there’s a lot going on.”
In her writing, and in the interview, Ms. Ray expressed conflicting feelings about Mr. Adams’s mayoralty. She described him as both a talented leader — even a “visionary” — and also as someone with a chip on his shoulder who is unwilling to admit his own mistakes.
Ms. Ray traces the origins of Mr. Adams’s insecurity to his undiagnosed childhood dyslexia, which left him feeling intellectually inferior in class, and described him as a “damaged child.”
Shout out to Jasmine Ray, being the Mayor’s shoulder to cry on and telling us all about it in detail.
I hope Eric Adams overcomes his insecurities about being dyslexic. I can’t imagine he’s even had to read anything since high school. He’s fine.
2. The Kids Room Inspection
My introduction to the King of New York.
Here’s Eric Adams’s instructional video for parents who want to save their children from drugs and gun violence:
This is the least confident we’d ever seen him. Once the city’s black card went in his wallet and his fridge filled with GLP-1’s, Eric Adams was never the same.
Be careful, parents. Your child might be hiding a brick of coke in his math textbooks.
3. That Time He Said Becoming a Vegan Saved His Vision (Then Was Caught Eating Fish)
And now, even while he’s campaigning to take over the reigns of the city from Bill de Blasio, Adams’ whole life is centered around eating green. He spends most Sundays chopping up and storing away veggies and mixed fruits to munch on during his next seven-day stretch. “Meal prep is so important and I do it once a week,” Adams said.
He starts each day drinking a spinach or kale green smoothie with some blueberries and cacao powder.
For lunch and dinner, the Brooklynite often enjoys bean-based spaghetti with homemade sauce and tofu meatballs or a hearty stew with lentils and other fresh herbs. He snacks on overnight oatmeal, sweet potato cornbread, chickpeas or nuts in between meals.
And as a night cap, he savors the sweet flavors of his three-ingredient ice cream — made of frozen bananas, fresh-made peanut butter and cacao powder — that the father of one claims will make even the most devout banana-split lover abandon ship.
And while he encourages his fellow New Yorkers to join him in the green pastures of vegan living, Adams realizes giving up certain foods is hard.
“Do it slowly. Don’t try to go cold turkey. It’s a lifestyle change,” he said. “You can eat a healthy meal without denying yourself.”
This story came out June 1, 2021.
On February 2nd, 2022, 8 months later, Eric Adams said this:
Mayor Eric Adams, who has previously claimed to be vegan, bizarrely refused to say on Monday if he eats fish — or if he consumes any other animal products.
“Does Eric eat fish? Does he eat a hamburger? Does he do this? Does he do that? You know, I mean, it’s just, listen, here’s my message: The more plant-based meals you have, the healthier you are going to be,” the mayor said, unprompted.
“Ignore the noise. Don’t worry about what’s on Mayor Adams’ plate. Put these items on your plate because I’m living a healthier lifestyle,” he added.
They caught my man with a Flinstones-sized steak on his plate, fork and knife in hand, bib tied, drooling—and he responded with “don’t worry about what’s on Mayor Adams’s plate.” one of one.
4. The War On Rats
In May of 2024, Eric Adams held the city’s first-ever National Urban Rat Summit, gathering the greatest rat experts he could find on Craigslist.
Adams announced this woman as the city’s “Rat Czar”:
Meet Kathleen Corradi, a woman handed a $176k/year fake job. There are no more or less rats in the city. Her contributions to the war unrecognizable.
No one is better at getting their people paid than Eric Adams. If you held the door open for him at a Panera Bread, he’d create a 6-figure no-show job for you by the time his order’s ready.
5. That Time He Tried to Make a Heart With an Armless Patrol Robot
In September of 2023, Eric Adams unveiled a new k5 patrol robot, a 400-pound waste of money, set to roll around subway platforms from midnight to 6am, along with a human companion who will do all the work the expensive, armless robot is incapable of doing.
Basically, it’s a beat cop stuck with a massive second body cam.
.@NYCMayor with the robocop, which cannot make the heart with the mayor because it has no arms pic.twitter.com/vuvkmslYwz
— katie honan (@katie_honan) September 22, 2023
Naturally, our loving leader—an empath I’m sure—attempted to make a little heart with the robot that very much does not have hands.
I hate that Zohran Mandami is leading the polls. He wants to spend the city’s resources to make life more affordable.
Selfish.
We need the city tax fund to pay for expensive Pixar robots that exist exclusively to take funny photos with the mayor.
6. That Time He Gave P Diddy a Key to the City (And The Time He Asked For It Back)
September 2023, Eric Adams was on a LeBron James historic run.
Amazing photo-ops with cop bots and giving the key to the city to Sean “P Diddy” Combs.
Sean Combs took the stage in Times Square to accept a “Key to the City” award from Mayor Eric Adams, who proudly dubbed Friday “Diddy Day.”
“The bad boy of entertainment is getting the Key to the City from the bad boy of politics,” Adams gushed
Yes, two bad boys running the city of New York together baybeeeee.
Two months later, Cassie filed a lawsuit against Combs, claiming she was sexually, physically and emotionally abused by the artist known for abusing people.
Brutal timing for the Mayor.
But it wasn’t until June the following year—a month after video leaked of Diddy beating Cassie up and down a hotel hallway, forcing Eric Adams asked Diddy to return the key to the city.
I reckon we will no longer be celebrating “Diddy Day”, and all those who still celebrate should have their phones stored in evidence lockers.
7. That Time He Partied With ASAP Rocky, Floyd Mayweather and Cara Delevingne
View this post on Instagram
Shout out Cara Delevingne. She looks really fun to hang with when you have a hard out at 9pm; otherwise, get ready to wake up from a k-hole under a bridge.
A few months later, he would further explain his unwillingness to go sit down inside of his house for one single night.
“My nightlife is a multi-billion dollar industry,” Adams told CNN’s Chris Wallace on an installment of “Who’s Talking to Chris Wallace” set to run Sunday.
“People are afraid to go back out to restaurants; now they see our mayor going out saying ‘come back out to our city.’ That is what the whole theme is.”
Hizzoner insisted that the city’s economic downturn made it more important than ever for him to show solidarity with workers around the boroughs while he paints the town red.
See, Eric Adams was blacking out at bars and restaurants every night to save the city.
By eating and drinking for free all night, everywhere, he was helping these local businesses stay afloat post-COVID lockdowns.
Where would these nightclubs be if Adams wasn’t there stealing bottles and asking the bathroom attendant if he should shoot his shot with Charli XCX?
Mayor Adams saved the city, singlehandedly spilling vodka over DJs, begging them to play The Fay Boys.
8. That Time He Said Any Day Could Be 9/11
Just, another fire quote from the former Mayor, man.
Asked by the WPIX-TV host Dan Mannarino to sum up a “very eventful” year in one word, Adams offered two: “New York”.
Then he said: “This is a place where every day you wake up you could experience everything from a plane crashing into our trade center through a person who’s celebrating a new business that’s about to open.
No one understands the beauty of NYC quite like Eric Adams.
On any given day, you can witness the grand opening of a new juice shop no one asked for—or the Taliban can fly planes into skyscrapers, killing thousands.
This duality keeps the city together.
9. Anti-Crime
In March of 2025, on the campaign trail to finish third in the primaries behind Zohran and Andrew Cuomo, Eric Adams had to remind voters he’s just like them, after all—by telling them he used to jump the subway turnstiles to get laid in Queens.
At a town hall in Rockaway, NYC last night; NYC Mayor Eric Adams opening line to the concerned citizens of Rockaway was “ there’s a real history for me, I had a shorty that lived out here “. pic.twitter.com/8GHzDEjgZA
— TheSalGreco (@TheSalGreco) March 20, 2025
Wow, he’s just like us.
Except he tried to make life hell for anyone daring to do the same thing he admitted to doing frequently.
In March of 2022, literally 3 years before he was non his hands and knees begging for votes, the mayor declared it was a crime to jump the turnstiles, worthy of prosecution.
New York City’s district attorneys should go back to prosecuting people who commit subway fare evasion, Mayor Eric Adams said on Monday.
“They need to, it’s a crime. It’s a crime,” Adams said during a press conference in the Bronx with NYPD leadership in response to a question about controversial soft-on-crime DAs in Brooklyn and Manhattan’s Alvin Bragg who have opted not to prosecute fare beaters.
Adams said prosecutors’ soft touch on turnstile jumpers has fed into increased subway crime rates in recent years.
“If we start saying it’s alright for you to jump the turnstile, we are creating an environment where any and everything goes,” the mayor warned. “It’s a crime. Now, you could defer prosecution, you could people in programs, you could do all sorts of things, but let’s not ignore it, and that’s what’s happening to our subway system.”
He was too poor to afford a subway ride to his girlfriend’s house but now that he’s rich, all poor people should be thrown in jail. Once again, the American Dream.
Start poor.
Get rich.
Punish the poor.
Repeat.
10. The crime
In a world where the president is openly accepting private planes from foreign dictatorships and selling valueless crypto coins to the financially illiterate (and perhaps just illiterate in general), thus making corruption legal, Eric Adams was charged with corruption and bribery.
Adams had been accused of accepted illegal campaign donations and was charged with five counts of bribery, wire fraud and conspiracy to solicit a contribution from a foreign national. He pleaded not guilty and repeatedly maintained not only his innocence but his ability to continue to run the city.
The charges were ultimately dropped after the U.S. Department of Justice sent a memo to prosecutors in the Southern District of New York telling them to dismiss the case. The Justice Department memo said, in part, the case was hindering the mayor’s ability to help President Trump’s administration with its crackdown on immigration, raising concerns there was some kind of quid pro quo for Adams’ cooperation. The memo had left the possibility for the charges to be refiled after the 2025 mayoral election.
Thankfully, Donald Trump came in and saved his life.
Too bad for his girlfriend’s book. I know she would’ve sold 10 times more copies if Eric Adams was behind bars, rapping into a flip phone like 2009 Max B.
We will never see another Eric Adams. Well, not at least until Zohran Mandami decides he wants a bigger office than the NYC mayor’s—leaving the door open for the next maniac to run the city like an elementary school kid who gets to be principal for a day.
Thanks for reading.
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