thelesterlee
Tiger Woods has had a decent life.
Woods has won 15 Major Championships, like, 15 more than I have.
His 82 PGA Tour wins are tied with Sam Snead for the most of all time.
He’s made an estimated $1.8 in career earnings—just hitting a little ball into another little hole in the ground.
Tiger is the most successful, famous and rich golfer in the history of the sport.
And nothing he’s done in his life is anywhere near as cool or important as this.
Love is in the air and life is better with you by my side! We look forward to our journey through life together. At this time we would appreciate privacy for all those close to our hearts. pic.twitter.com/ETONf1pUmI
— Tiger Woods (@TigerWoods) March 23, 2025
Tiger Woods gets the rare opportunity to lay his head down next to a Trump.
He’s in the Royal Family.
His 6 iron gets to putt on the same green Donald Trump Jr used to play on, wine-drunk, when he wasn’t spending the night with Fox News anchors and Danity Kane.
Tiger gets to play on the same course that created 5 glorious Trump offspring—future leaders of this horrid, woke nightmare of a country. I bet those kids aren’t being forced to sit through Snow White, the movie Disney specifically designed to turn our children into trans-Marxists.
Honestly, I’m jealous.
When Tiger goes down on Vanessa, he may still be able to taste a littleeee Donald Trump Jr leftovers.
To be so lucky.
Vanessa Trump spent 12 years with Donald Twonior—just think of all the stories she could tell, the lessons she could teach you.
Vanessa spent a dozen years learning from the smartest, most brilliant, and most corrupt successful family in United States history.
Tiger is soooo lucky, man.
He got to be with the beautiful Elin Nordegren and Olympian Lindsay Vonn.
He got to travel the country, sleeping with all those Cracker Barrell, Hooters, IHOP and Burger King cashiers—the backbone of this wonderful country that Elon Musk is saving by making sure they don’t have a dime waiting for them when they retire.
Genius shit. You wouldn’t get it.
Tiger got to be the face of Nike and the greatest athlete of his generation—deteriorating his body into a painful, swollen burden he must sooth by self-medicating on painkillers so frequently that there’s literally no window of time in his day where he could legally drive a car without flooring it into a fire hydrant.
Truly blessed.
Now Tiger, more Oxycotin than man, gets a front-row seat to the Trump empire.
All thanks to his children—he doesn’t take care of ever—sharing the same school as Kai Trump—the 17-year daughter of Vanessa and Donald Drunk Jr—who also golfs and has their own YouTube channel.
Wow, Kai can really help Tiger get some eyes on his next little golf outing thing.
This is what peak masculinity looks like—scooping up a strange divorced woman of 5, whose exes include the booger-eating, yet-to-accomplish-a-thing, son of a game show host and Khalid bin Bandar Al Saud—a Saudi Prince who was forced to flee the country after 9/11 because his father may or may not have helped with the attacks.
Tiger Woods is the luckiest man on Earth.
He’ll at least get an invite onto the secret SpaceX rocket ship waiting to save the Trumps, Elon Musk, and The Bosa Brothers—from the inevitable collapse of this planet they destroyed.
(Is anyone else shocked Tiger Woods hasn’t, ya know, murked himself yet? That man hasn’t been happy since he was like, 12 years old)
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