The Lakers are Choosing Between DeMarcus Cousins and a Nazi

If the NBA season were to end today, the Los Angeles Lakers would be watching the playoffs at the bar next to you as they are currently 3 games below .500 and are occupying the 12th seed in the Western Conference.

On January 5th, teams are allowed to start handing out 10-day contracts and with Anthony Davis in the midst of his annual 2-month ~~vacation~~ injury recovery, the Lakers are starting to look for some big men help. Juan Toscano-Anderson cannot be a backup power forward if you want to win NBA games.

On Monday night, the Lakers took a 109-122 L from the Denver Nuggets. Rookie forward, Cole Swider, played 26 minutes and scored 6 points bumping his points per game average up to 3. If the Lakers were any other organization, it would be cool for fans to see young guys like Swider and Max Christie developing.

But unfortunately, this is the Los Angeles Lakers—a team that we are constantly told is so important and magical or whatever—and they have LeBron James who is running out of time to win championships. LeBron and Cole Swider aren’t the 1-2 punch that’s going to win a title this year, believe it or not.

So it makes all the sense in the world for this team to give DeMarcus Cousins for a workout. This would be Cousins’s second shot with the Lakers. In 2019, he signed to reunite with his New Orleans Pelicans Twin Towers running mate, Anthony Davis, but he immediately tore his ACL before they got on the court together.

The Lakers are the perfect team if Boogie wants a 10-day contract to extend to the season’s end considering LeBron and Anthony Davis are rarely on the court and there are no other big men on this team.

Let’s see who Boogie is competing with for this roster spot.

Free agent center Meyers Leonard will work out for the Los Angeles Lakers on Friday, sources tell @TheAthletic @Stadium.

— Shams Charania (@ShamsCharania) January 12, 2023

Oh okay, word. It’s Boogie Cousins against this Nazi who was kicked out of the NBA for shouting antisemitic slurs on a live Twitch stream. You’d think there would be literally any other tall guy around but apparently, Meyers Leonard is the only one.

Like Dwight Howard is breaking records in [insert name of Far East basketball league]. LaMarcus Aldridge has been resting. Tacko Fall is big as hell somewhere.

The only reason I can think the Lakers would ever sign Meyers Leonard is because they are trying to recruit Kyrie Irving who’s a free agent this summer and known fellow goose stepper. It’s like how Bill Belichick always knew to sign little white receivers to make Tom Brady happy—the Lakers are gathering Nazis to make Kyrie feel right at home.

Love the way LeBron’s career is ending. Man is going out sad dancing to Tory Lanez like, two days before he was found guilty of shooting Meg The Stallion and now teaming up with the Slur God.

Rob Pelinka is the worst GM in the history of history.