thelesterlee
This season of The Bachelor we have Clayton, a generic tall nice white guy who was once on an NFL roster but never actually played in the NFL. The only difference between him and former Bachelor Colton—a generic white tall nice white guy who was once on an NFL roster but never actually played in the NFL—is Clayton isn’t a virgin oh, and he doesn’t like to get his bussy beat up. At least not yet.
We know Clayton isn’t a virgin because various previews last night showed the final episode in which he tells the remaining 3 women that he humped all of them. I can understand why the producers would want to put that moment in the trailer for the season but they also showed all 3 women’s reactions thus revealing the end of the show.
So what is even the point of watching this boring generic man and his giant overbite pretend to date 30 women when we already know how it ends? Seriously, if anyone has an answer to that question, I’d love to hear it.
But let’s get into some of the memorable women from the premiere because there is absolutely nothing memorable about Clayton—a man who was only selected to become the next Bachelor due to getting kicked off The Bachelorette early enough to be available for the filming of this season. These women aren’t even coming in with any real knowledge of Clayton because The Bachelorette aired while they were filming this so you know this season is really about to be mediocre as fuck.
Winner of the Week: Claire
As mentioned earlier, these women are rushing to fight with 29 other girls over just a photo of a guy they know nothing about because they didn’t get to watch him on the Bachelorette. So you have no choice but to respect Clair meeting Clayton and immediately deciding she wants out.
She beat his ass in cornhole, devoured buffalo wings in his face and after being interrupted by another contestant, proceeded to spend the rest of the night talking shit about Clayton to anyone who will listen.
She went as far as saying “I hate him” as wine spilled from her overpoured glass and honestly, I feel you. Dude sucks. I’m also agreeing with her because she looks like a headbutt from her would send me to the ICU.
Loser of the Week: Salley
The show set up a faux-romantic moment between a woman who was supposed to get married on the day Bachelor filming started and a man who had no idea who this woman was and that she was extremely recently engaged.
Instead, we got one of the most pointless moments in the history of television as Salley confessed to Clayton that she was an emotional wreck prompting Clayton to leave his hotel and come back with a rose that Salley immediately rejected before flying back home to presumably terrorize her ex.
If you’re keeping track, that is TWO women who met Clayton and instantly wanted nothing to do with him. Again, this season is going to be terrible. The producers literally could not find 30 women in America to care about this nothing of a person.
Weirdest Moment of the Week: Jane, 33
As women came one by one to impress a guy who does not deserve this much attention, Jane entered in an old ‘vintage’ car because she was ‘old’ despite only being 33 in a world where we recently had a 40-year old Bachelorette and there are SEVERAL contestants this season who are 32. Mara, Elizabeth, Kate and Kira are all 32. Why did they highlight Jane as this old ‘cougar’ for being born a few months than others?
And she didn’t even get a rose. Just got roasted and sent home before she could even unpack.
This season stinks.
Stray thoughts
- Jesse Palmer is the new host which is fine. But it’s very odd to get a former Bachelor to host this show and tell us how much this process works while currently being married to a woman that he did not meet on The Bachelor.
- Bold strategy by Ivana to refuse to speak to Clayton during the introduction in hopes that would intrigue him enough to come find her. They spoke zero words to each other all night and she didn’t get a rose. Lol.
- There’s some woman named Rianna last night that is NOT Rihanna and I have no idea if she got a rose or not but like, again, she was NOT Rihanna.
- Congrats to Rachel, Susie and Gabby for being the Final 3 and all passing around their DNA to each other within 24 hours of all banging Clayton. Congrats to ABC for giving away the ending after episode 1. America truly has zero smart people in charge of everything. Like, not one single intelligent human in a position of power.
