thelesterlee
Sometimes I wake up Tuesday morning disgusted that I stayed up til midnight watching the Manning brothers awkwardly chuckle through a punt competition. The Dallas Cowboys were never going to beat the Houston Texans, especially with Nico Collins returning, but I thought they’d move the football.
And now Cooper Rush throws a Pick pic.twitter.com/0MGWTimljc
— Alex 👋 (@Dubs408) November 19, 2024
Silly me.
The Dallas Cowboys big suck.
This team was always going to suck.
After long, uneventful years with Jason Garrett, Jerry Jones hired Mike McCarthy off his couch for the 2020 season. Halfway through his first season, several Cowboys players told NFL reporter, Jane Slater, that the coaching staff literally “wasn’t good at their jobs?”
#Cowboys players initially bought into keeping things internal. Now as they sit 2-4 the discontent is leaking out. On the coaching staff “totally unprepared. They don’t teach. They don’t have any sense of adjusting on the fly.” Another “they just aren’t good at their jobs”
— Jane Slater (@SlaterNFL) October 20, 2020
From the moment McCarthy arrived, his players were openly confused about what his job was. Dallas went 6-10 that season.
He’s still the coach now after back-to-back losses to the 49ers and getting 48 points dropped on them by beige Brett Favre last season.
The Dallas Cowboys came into Monday Night Football 3-6—still coached by Mike McCarthy.
And I don’t even think McCarthy is a bad coach.
I think he’d turn the Hawaii college football program into a powerhouse.
But he’s not a great enough NFL coach to overcome the Jones Family team-building strategy of treating the Dallas Cowboys like a local family-owned pizzeria that can’t afford talented players or a hostess.
This roster is disgusting, especially with Dak Prescott on the sidelines.
Every offseason, Jerry Jones vacations while talented free agents sign with the other 31 NFL teams willing to pay for their labor.
If Jerry Jones didn’t draft a player himself, he simply does not have a way of contacting that player.
Outside of CeeDee Lamb taking advantage of the brief, sparring moments when he’s not being quadruple-teamed—Cooper Rush was throwing to humans named “Luke Schoonmaker” and “Ryan Flournoy”.
I don’t know who these people are. I’m not convinced these aren’t fans who won preseason raffles so Jerry wouldn’t have to pay a backup more than Texas minimum wage.
This isn’t a football team.
The Houston Texans just had a little scrimmage against a generic AI simulation of a football team on default settings. Absolutely shocked that Joe Mixon was able to put up 154 yards against big bad DeMarvion Overshown.
And I kind of like these dudes.
Cooper Rush got sacked 5 times, hit 6 but kept standing tall in the pocket. That man was experiencing a car crash every 3 plays and was unphased.
Luke Schoonmaker is one of those big (white) tight ends that just always get open when the team needs a first down.
DeMarvion Overshown is a magnet to the ball.
Actually, the more I think about it, the more I’m in on the 2024 Dallas Cowboys.
It’s actually hilarious seeing Cooper Rush close his eyes and chuck the ball to CeeDee Lamb—who’s down there somewhere, surrounded by hyenas ready to rip that ball from Lamb’s carcass.
Micah Parsons is the loudest star on this team. I love that he’s 5th in QB hurries but tied for 75TH in sacks with only 3. He’s perfect for the media career he’s angling for. He knows exactly how to make himself look like he’s working wayyyy harder than he actually is.
I’ve worked for guys like Jerry Jones before. That’s not even a criticism of Parsons. Real recognize real, Micah.
I love that Mike McCarthy looks like his breath always smells like Budweiser.
There’s a small-town travel football team from Dallas, sponsored by local diners and hardware stores, going up against billion-dollar football factories and who am I to root against the underdogs?
Perhaps if we all pinch in, we can help the Cowboys pay for a running back who can locate the endzone.
At the same time, AI is destroying the livelihoods of many Americans and replacing them with awful, lazy replications of genuinely unique and interesting work. Plus, the damage it does to the environment.
Nevermind, I’m back out on the 2024 Dallas Cowboys. Fire Mike McCarthy. Hire a coach with new, innovative ideas. Sign the best players around the league—literally anyone better than all of the 3rd and 5th-rounders drowning against the big leaguers every week. Get these NPCs off the field. We need more nurses.
Boycott this team. Save the whales.
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