There is nothing better after a long morning of prayer, yogi, meditation, and an internal gratitude recognition session than opening up my phone, scrolling past the extremely sketchy murder of the CEO of one of the biggest health insurance companies in the country, and seeing everyone and their mothers posting their Spotify Wrapped for the year.
See, Spotify Wrapped is the culmination of every decision made this year.
It is a microscope into our subconscious, a lucid dream through our mind palaces to discover where we’ve been, where we are, and of course, where we’re headed.
Spotify Wrapped is a time capsule, a snapshot into our psyches.
Windows into the soul, soundtracks to our existence.
Some people may think it’s silly to pretend to be shocked as Spotify shows you a list of artists and songs you already know you listened to the most but modern life is so hectic, frantic, fleeting—we can’t be expected to remember that we played that Cowboy Carter album over and over for weeks.
That was March.
It’s December.
I’ve evolved, transformed, so much since the 3rd month of 2024.
I had a whole-ass Brat Summer since then.
Spotify Wrapped understands my journey better than I do.
But the best part of Wrapped Day is sharing your algorithm reports with all of your followers while combing through all of your friends, acquaintances, coworkers, mutuals, exes and enemies Wrapped to dissect what type of people they’ve become.
It is your duty to look at someone differently once you see their most listened to song was Family Matters by Drake.
Oh you played that new Eminem album HOW FREQUENTLY? Yike.
Not only is Wrapped a receipt of our own internal purchases but we also get to see who others truly are.
You listen to 100,000 hours of music this year? I hope that health insurance CEO murder inspires companies to make antidepressants more easily available. The girl I sat next to in 8th-grade math class can’t stop listening to Soccer Mommy.
What’s on my Spotify Wrapped this year?
Uh, you know.
Everything that you think should be there.
Whatever you think makes me cool and handsome and charming—it’s alllll in there.
Are the kids still bopping to Migos? Ton of Migos on my Wrapped so yea. I’m hip to the current jive.
Nothing but Migos and uh, Chappell Roan all over my Spotify Wrapped.
But I’m sure everyone reading this already knows I’m a cool, chill, normal guy.
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