The New York Giants need a head coach, a truth since Tom Coughlin resigned after the 2015 season.
It’s been about a decade since this organization employed a real foundational coach, accountability and sacrifice, from the front office to the bus drivers.
A coaching staff full of teachers who treat their players like adults. No one trying to prove how “smart” or “right” they are but wanting to maximize the potential of every player they are fortunate enough to have the opportunity to work with.
Shout out to Brian Daboll tho.
That 2022 Coach of the Year playoff season is an auto trivia win for those of us traumatized with having to get our hopes up for Daniel fucking Jones.
But Brian Daboll left the cupboards full. Jaxson Dart will most likely win the Offensive Rookie of the Year award, 24 total touchdowns, dropping 102 receiving yards in Gunner Olszewski’s back pocket on the last game of the season, controlled chaos, Jaxson shakes up the snowglobe and only he can navigate through the collapsing skyline.
Cam Skattebo and Malik Nabers returning from injury to provide fireworks amongst the chaos. Abdul Carter and Dexter Lawrence on the other side, forcing opposing QBs to eat sod.
The coaching field is wide open.
Let’s run through all the potential candidates for what could be the next great dynasty.
The “Lotto Ticket” Tier
There is no definite way to know when a coach is going to revolutionize an organization.
Tom Coughlin was 68-60 leaving the Jaguars, coming off 3 consecutive losing seasons.
And you can say “The Jacksonville Jaguars were a dysfunctional organization back then,” but like, the New York Giants are shit, right now.
Unless Sean McVay resigns today, no coaching candidate is coming with guaranteed succees.
So these are the lotto ticket hires. Guys who can either bear massive jackpot rewards or total busts.
Kevin Stefanski
A few years ago, this wouldn’t require more than a sentence to justify. The 2023 Cleveland Browns were a top-10 offense. Deshaun Watson and Joe Flacco were bombing on defenses. Stefanski earned his second Coach of the Year trophy.
This is the Mega Ball jackpot.
Kevin Stefanski can become that Tom Coughlin culture setter OR he’s Pat Shurmur 2.0, installing an archaic offensive scheme unfit for the talent in front of him. Why was Saquon Barkley running it up the middle so much? Fuck Pat Shurmur.
Stefanski’s time in Cleveland was doomed the moment Deshaun Watson signed that biggest guaranteed contract in NFL history. And the deal made sense. Hindsight erased, no one could have predicted the Houston Texans were allowing Deshaun Watson to get freaky man massages, waiting to expose his nastiness the moment he left their building, leading to Deshaun mentally wilting, turning him into the worst QB in the NFL after 3 Pro Bowl seasons in Houston.
From what I can gather, Jaxson Dart has 0 sexual assault allegations.
Kevin Stefanski’s in the clear here.
Klint Kubiak
2 seasons ago, Klint Kubiak had the New Orleans Saints offense looking generational, Derek Carr and the boys scored 47 points Week 1. 44 points Week 2. (Then they lost 7 games in a row, Derek Carr suffered a career-ending injury, the mystery of Kubiak’s offense solved before the Abbott Elementary Halloween episode aired.)
But now he’s in Seattle where the Seahawks have the best team in the NFL. So he’s still a lotto ticket. What does Klint Kubiak’s offense look like when they don’t have the best defense on the other side of the ball, always providing them the best field position on offense?
Kliff Kingsbury
Kliff Kingsbury coached two dynamic quarterbacks, but neither Kyler Murray nor Jayden Daniels had Jaxson Dart’s maniac energy. Both Kyler and Jyaden can bootleg and throw on the run, they can scramble for a first if need be but they’re thin flag football QBs who don’t want to get hit.
Jaxson Dart wants to get hit.
I want Kliff Kingsbury and Jaxson Dart, geeked out all night, sketching nonsense plays on the back of restaurant napkins on a table covered in empty Michelob Ultra bottles. Jaxson Dart will break the QB rushing record and concussion record.
I need Dart, Skattebo and Tyrone Tracy running the triple option up and down the field. The 2024 Washington Commanders were 4th in the NFL in first downs.
Get Kliff Klingsbury a scrambling QB and he’ll move the chains.
The concussions may be a problem, so.
The “Safe, Boring, Bleh” Tier
GM Joe Schoen is at the crossroads of his career. He convinced the owner to choose him over the head coach, granting him another season to right the ship Dave Gettleman floored into the reef.
He can take a swing on a first-time head coach, or, what’s more likely, Schoen avoids any and all risk. He might’ve blown a red light with an officer waiting at the cross-section, time to drive 25 in a 40, hands on 10-and-2, he cannot afford a ticket.
These are coaches a coward would hire…
Mike McCarthy
Jason Garrett reboot.
Alternate reality Brian Daboll.
P.U.
Mike Kafka
The Giants won the final two games of the season, interim head coach Mike Kafka and rookie QB Jaxson Dart seemingly on the same page. Those wins were against Las Vegas and Dallas, two teams that waved the white flag
I’d love if Kafka swallowed a demotion, the new QB coach, he and Dart go for beers after the game and talk ball.
This is some real cowardly, quitting the game Jenga in fear you’ll knock the entire tower over, but like, only two other moves have been made to the tower, man, it’s structurally sound, just go, why are you being so weird about this?
Joe Brady
I know James Cook just led the NFL in rushing but Joe Schoen hiring another former Buffalo Bill is about as exciting to me as getting bloodwork.
How many times in a row can the Giants be tricked by “he taught Josh Allen” propaganda?
The” I’m Coming Home, I’m Coming Home, Tell The World I’m Coming Home” Tier
It would shock me none if the Giants hired a head coach who used to work here.
Antonio Pierce
Super Bowl champion and New York Giants legend, set up to fail with the Raiders, losing his job to Pete Carroll, an octogenerian who led Las Vegas to the first pick and a pink slip after just one season.
Antonio Pierce as the New York Giants head coach is a good headline for guys who read the New York Daily News at the deli every morning waiting for their bacon egg and cheese.
Steve Spagnola
Steve Spagnola has an 11-41 win-loss record as a head coach. Spagnola should spend the rest of his days attached to Patrick Mahomes and Chris Jones.
Davis Webb
Davis Webb has 1 career NFL start. A 2022 Week 17 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles. 168 yards. 1 passing touchdown to Kenny Golladay and a 14-yard rushing touchdown. #NeverForget (2017 3rd round pick lit on fire)
Webb’s spent the last two seasons working with Sean Payton in Denver. The offense looks good over there but imagine if you replaced Bo Nix with Jaxson Dart.
The “Fuck it, burn it to the ground” Tier
New York Giants owner John Mara, leaning back in his chair, legs stretched, feet on the desk, arms behind his head, getting domed up by an intern “on a break” with her ex, while the entire building is up in flames, you can’t tell him nothing.
They have the worst record in the NFL over the last 7 years.
Brian Daboll was fired but GM Joe Schoen remains.
Mara needs fresh minds to walk into that building to give honest assessments of what’s working and what’s not.
Joe Schoen thought Russell Wilson was good.
So fuck it, burn everything to the ground. John Mara needs a wake-up call, a brutal public embarrassment.
Let’s bring in some goblins.
Bill Belichick
You know how everyone knows North Carolina sucked this year?
It’s actually under-reported.
I don’t think people understand just how putrid the Tarheels were this season.
North Carolina finished with a 4-8 record following NC State dogwalking them, 42-19, the game was never close. It’s the first time North Carolina is not bowl eligible since 2018.
The GOAT arrived and the program regressed.
Here’s a good, brief breakdown of how bad North Carolina was this season:
UNC went 0-8 against FBS teams with five or more wins. Its FBS victories came against opponents who finished a combined 8-27. The Tar Heels were swept by Wake Forest, Duke and N.C. State for their first in-state rivalry shutout since 1989 and fourth of all time.
I want to see this new version of Bill Belichick, the one with the blue chews sent to his P.O. box every month, under the microscope of the New York media.
As a Giants fan, I must destroy what I love to rebuild what I love.
I don’t think John Mara understands how bad this team is.
John Mara fired the head coach but kept the GM. Guys with the last name “Mara” flood the organization’s payroll, robbing positions from people who might actually be good at the job.
This man hasn’t felt the embarrassment we fans have endured.
Hiring Bill Belichick, most likely needing to fire him by Week 8 after a leaked audio of his bratty baby girlfriend calling Jaxson Dart a slur while Bill Belichick snickers in the background, caught on a hot mic while recording an episode of Hot Ones with Sean Evans, 24 hours after the Dallas Cowboys beat the Giants 48-3.
Plus, Jordon Hudson could finally appear on Pablo Torres Finds Out, live, in-studio, for a Frost/Nixon.
Sherrone Moore
The New York Giants organization needs a shake-up. Who better to completely embarrass the franchise, forcing John Mara to extreme measures to improve the front office, than hiring a man who had an affair with a 5 and tried to kill her out of humiliation?
The “Dream” Tier
Mike Tomlin
Mike Tomlin’s success in Pittsburgh is under investigation. Despite never finishing with a below .500 record in 18 years at the job, Tomlin is at least 15 years away from managing the day-to-day operations of a championship-contending organization.
Tomlin will always get his sales force to hit their quarterly numbers but his division of the company will never lead the company in sales.
I’d kill to see the New York Giants hit their quarterly numbers.
A team already loaded with Jaxson Dart, Cam Skattebo, Malik Nabers, Andrew Thomas, Dexter Lawrence, Abdul Carter, Brian Burns and Jevon Holland, Mike Tomlin just needs to establish daily habits and rituals that lead to winning.
He finished seasons above .500 with Old Ben, Kenny Pickett, Justin Fields, Old Russ, and Mason Rudolph. And now his team beat the Ravens on Sunday, a game where these recent Giants would have lost and catapulted the Ravens into a Super Bowl run off the back of a 400-yard rushing day up Bobby Okerkeke’s intestines.
Please fire Mike Tomlin and send him to New Jersey.
Mike Tomlin isn’t being fired. He’s never leaving Pittsburgh. But a boy can dream.
UPDATE:
Sources: John Harbaugh is out as the Ravens head coach. pic.twitter.com/Rht9ssh01j
— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) January 6, 2026
John Harbaugh
White Mike Tomlin.
Lamar Jackson and John Harbaugh divorced, management stuck behind Lamar, the winner of far more MVPs than Harbaugh.
Jaxson Dart Thrives in the Chaos of the Giants Crumbling Empire
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