Ranking the Remaining Playoff Teams Based on Who Deserves To Win The Super Bowl The Most

We have reached the Divisional Round of the 2022 NFL Playoffs. The Elite 8. Last weekend had some of the best playoff games I’ve ever watched being called by the oldest most uninspired broadcast booths.

But anyway, every year there are certain teams that deserve to win the Super Bowl more than other teams. For example, the Cleveland Browns went all in on a serial sexual predator and they deserve to lose every single football game as long as that weirdo is in a jersey.

Let’s rank these teams and see who deserves to win the Super Bowl:

8. Dallas Cowboys

Do I need to explain this one? Last night I fell asleep with the television on and woke up to an ESPN segment about the Dallas Cowboys pass defense. ESPN is a network that hardly ever goes into that level of detail and they typically stick to just comparing quarterbacks but this morning, the did a whole block on Cowboys defensive schemes.

Cowboys fans are constantly spoon-fed and catered to as if they make up 99% of the NFL viewing audience. Meanwhile, they are objectively the worst team left in the playoffs and we need to rid ourselves of wall-to-wall Cowboys coverage afuckingsap.

7. Philadelphia Eagles

The Eagles had a miraculous Super Bowl win against the Patriots in 2017. They had 5 winning seasons since then. Eagles fans can wait for another big Super Bowl run. They consistently have some of the most talented rosters every year and they can sit and wait a couple seasons before they take the crown.

6. Jacksonville Jaguars

The Jaguars aren’t there yet. I’m still not 100% sure what I feel about Trevor Lawrence. Yes, the Jags had a crazy comeback against the Chargers last weekend and should get nothing but praise for that W. On the other hand, Trevor Lawrence threw 4 interceptions and looked average as hell.

Plus, everything I just said about the Eagles is true about Jags head coach, Doug Pederson. Save some Super Bowls for the rest of us.

5. Buffalo Bills

The NFL media is going to try to transform Damar Hamlin into a symbol and a rallying cry for the Bills. They’re going to turn him into a mascot struggling to breathe as he dances on the sidelines for his boys.

In actuality, he’s just a living reminder of how dreadful this sport is and how terrible the NFL is currently and has been historically when it comes to keeping players safe and ignoring all of their health concerns post-retirement.

4. Cincinnati Bengals

Before the season started, I predicted Joe Burrow would be MVP, JaMarr Chase would be Offensive Player of the Year and the Cincinnati Bengals would win the Super Bowl. I can’t go 0-for-3 on these predictions. I am a Bengals fan this week and for the remainder of the playoffs. Deadseriousness is a Joe Burrow stan page starting today.

3. San Francisco 49ers

The 49ers have one of those historically great defenses like the 2000 Baltimore Ravens or the 2003 Tampa Bay Buccaneers. All of those legendary defenses won Super Bowls except that one time Pete Carroll decided to throw on the goal line and Russell Wilson threw the ball directly into Malcolm Butler’s chest.

Anyway, for the sake of history and blah blah, it would be cool if the 49ers finished the job with a Super Bowl parade. Plus, the story of Brock Purdy will be passed on from generation to generation.

2. Kansas City Chiefs

The Chiefs are the best team in the NFL. They have the best quarterback in the NFL. They have the best head coach in the NFL. They deserve to be in the Super Bowl. Duh.

1. New York Giants

I tried extremely hard not to put my beloved New York Giants at the top of this list but the last time the Giants made the playoffs was 2016. They’ve been 22-59 since. Ben McAdoo, Steve Spagnuolo, Pat Shurmur, Joe Judge. Prior to hiring Brian Daboll, the Giants had an elephant graveyard of the worst head coaches in NFL history.

This team shouldn’t be here. They’ve created a brand new way to play football. Their defense gives you all the yards you want and then just puts you in a sleeper hold in the redzone so teams have to settle for field goals instead of touchdowns. Their offense runs option plays with their quarterback in the power position like it’s the annual Army/Navy college football game.

This is the real team of destiny.