Ranking The 7 New NFL Head Coaches Based On Who Has The Best Chance To Succeed

Every season ends with a quarter of the NFL firing their head coaches, quickly followed up by those same teams rushing to hire a replacement as they head into the draft and free agency. But none of these situations are the same.

Let’s rank the 7 new NFL head coaches based on who has the best chance to succeed:

1. Jim Harbaugh

Career win-loss record: 44-19-1

2023 Chargers record: 5-12

Jim Harbaugh went to a Super Bowl with a quarterback who was nowhere near as good as Justin Herbert is right now. Yea, Harbaugh in Los Angeles is easily the best situation. Duh.

2. Raheem Morris

Career win-loss record: 21-38

2023 Falcons record: 7-10

After spending a Top 10 draft pick on a backup quarterback who somehow has even MORE injury concerns than the almost 40-year-old coming off an achilles tear that he’s understudying, Raheem Morris is fully aware of how the Atlanta Falcons are currently perceived and how anything less than a playoff appearance will lead to the Indeed servers to slow down in Georgia once everyone’s key cards are revoked and they’re looking for new employment.

Raheem Morris is inheriting the most-talented team and the least-talented division.

He’ll be fine.

3. Mike Macdonald

Career win-loss record: no experience.

2023 Seahawks record: 9-8

Mike Macdonald is a serious coach. Can’t you tell? He doesn’t capitalize the D in his last name. He doesn’t have time. Too busy thinking about schemes and formations.

4. Dan Quinn

Career win-loss record: 43-42

2023 Commanders record: 4-13

Dan Quinn may be the most fireable of the NFL head coaches on this list. He was only hired because he had prior coaching experience and Washington wanted an adult in the room to help the the QB they were about to draft. But Quinn isn’t the long-term solution to anything.

If Jayden Daniels matches or exceeds expectations, Quinn will be fired and replaced with a more offensive-minded head coach.

If Jayden Daniels sucks, Quinn is fired so the GM can pretend the coach is the reason his draft pick can’t play instead of personally taking the blame for picking a bum.

So it goes.

5. Jerrod Mayo

Career win-loss record: no experience.

2023 Patriots record: 4-13

I don’t know if Drake Maye is good and when the 2024 season is over, I’ll still have no idea because the Patriots have no zero talented players on the offensive side of the ball. Mayo is taking over a team that only avoided going winless thanks to the greatest head coach of all time and his football-autism winning games on the margins.

6. Dave Canales

Career win-loss record: no experience.

2023 Panthers record: 2-15

Having gone back and watched more Bryce Young games, perhaps I was a little tough on his ability to play quarterback in the National Football League and I do believe Canales can help improve their offense as he did with Baker Mayfield in Tampa the year prior.

But I cannot stop watching that footage of Panthers owner, David Tepper, demanding a local restaurant take down a sign that was mocking him. Tepper fired Frank Reich after only 11 games last season.

Canales is playing for an impatient, entitled asshole. He could be fired before I even finish writing this following a disagreement with Tepper over who won the Kendrick/Drake beef.

7. Brian Callahan

Career win-loss record: no experience.

2023 Titans record: 6-11

The fact that Mike Vrabel is no longer the head coach of the Tennesee Titans should tell you everything you need to know about how well this organization is currently operating. They’ve moved onto Bill Callahan’s lame-ass son, Nepotism is undefeated on NFL sidelines. No one can coach unless their father did or they rented a car from the same Hertz as Sean McVay.

Will Levis is the least likely quarterback to succeed from this list. I don’t see Levis and Callahan as the next Patrick Mahomes and Andy Reid.

Thanks for reading. Go ahead and sign up for the D, the daily Deadseriousness newsletter sent directly to your inbox every AM.

Which of these NFL head coaches do you think will have the most success? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. Let me know if you think Brian Callahan will succeed so I can get a good laugh in.