Ranking NFL Teams Based on Who Needs a Week 13 Win the Most

It’s Week 13. Were are approaching the home stretch of the NFL season where the games matter the most and playoff seeds are determined. Organizations have to determine what their futures will be and which players will be returning for the next season.

Here are the teams who need a win the most in Week 13:

10. Los Angeles Chargers (6-5) vs. Las Vegas

The Chargers should not be 6-5 right now. I keep hearing that Justin Herbert has all the tools and the perfect physical measurements and other weird intangible bullshit yet to this day, Herbert still has zero playoff wins and if he loses to the Raiders this week then I never want to hear about how great this nerd who stayed in college and extra year to get his biology degree is.

9. San Francisco 49ers (7-4) vs. Miami

After letting Kansas City drop 44 on their noggins, the 49ers have 4 consecutive wins including shutting out the Saints last week. Nick Bosa has a sack in 5 straight games. They forced Alvin Kamara to fumble twice. San Fran’s defense is ready for another Super Bowl run.

Even Jimmy G is out here balling after being replaced by a rookie quarterback who has no idea how to throw a football. Jimmy G is a fascinating quarterback. Guys like Zach Wilson and Kyler Murray get side-eyed by their teammates when they fail but Jimmy G could overthrow a wide-open receiver and the offensive line will pay for his dinner that night. Goals.

8. Buffalo Bills (8-3) vs. New England

Josh Allen leads the NFL in turnovers this season. He’s playing in an arm brace and no one seems to be pushing for him to sit and let his elbow rest. What is the benefit of allowing Allen to play when he’s playing his worst football?

If there is any team that can take advantage of the Bills’s flaws it’s the New England Patriots and Bill Belichick who has historically had the Bills in a stranglehold his entire career.

7. Miami Dolphins (8-3) vs. San Francisco

We’ve reached this strange part of the season where we’re all once again underrating Tua Tagavailoa. We started the season praising how great he’s become then we were scared for his life when he was just eating concussions on a weekly basis. And now, he is once again sneaking under the radar despite being undefeated in every game he starts and finishes.

THAT BEING SAID, the Dolphins last 4 wins were against Detroit, Chicago, Cleveland and Houston. The 49ers are an astronomically better football team but perhaps Dolphins head coach and former 49ers offensive coordinator, Mike McDaniel, knows the answers to this week’s test.

6. New York Jets (7-4) vs. Minnesota

Last time Mike White had a legendary game, the wheels fell off quickly. As high as his highs are, his lows are quite low. That lack of consistency is what makes him a backup and explains what the Jets staff probably sees at practice.

But the Jets defense ranks 4th in DVOA so they will keep this offense in games but this is the Mike White tryout game for real. Can he be a starter in the NFL or will the receivers demand trades again?

5. Minnesota Vikings (9-2) vs. New York

The Vikings could clinch the NFC North with a Week 13 victory over the Jets which means we should expect a massive letdown from the Kirk Cousins-led squad. They’re only a couple weeks away from the Dallas Cowboys tombstone piledriving them in a 3-40 BEATDOWN.

The Vikings could leave this game and enter the Monday NFL discourse as the favorites to represent the NFC in the Super Bowl OR, they could be the next victims of White Mike and continue to look like massive frauds.

4. Baltimore Ravens (7-4) vs. Denver

This game should be a layup for Baltimore and it needs to be for Baltimore to have any chance of winning the AFC North. Lamar Jackson is out here fighting Twitter trolls after losing games and now the media is shaking their fingers at his bad behavior. Imagine the amount of nonsense the Ravens will have to face if they lose to a team that HATES their QB1.

3. Green Bay Packers (4-8) vs. Chicago

This week, there are reports that the Packers are finally considering letting Jordan Love go out there since their season is over. You’d have to imagine he’s just as good if not better than this guy:

Reed Blankenship, on like the 14th snap of his career, comes up huge with an interception of Aaron Rodgers! pic.twitter.com/VhrHVqgXdg

— Shane Haff (@HAFFnHAFF_TPL) November 28, 2022

This game is important for the future of the Packers. If they win, they still remain in playoff contention and Rodgers will keep going out there stinking but if they lose, it’s Jordan Love time and Rodgers can focus on popping pills and replaying 9/11 footage.

2. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (5-6) vs. New Orleans

The NFC South is a nasty division. Tampa Bay is below .500 and have a 0.5 game lead over the 5-7 Atlanta Falcons. Tampa Bay is on a 2-game winning streak thanks to Tom Brady finally signing those divorce papers and maybe single Tom might be the only thing that can put this train back on the tracks.

But speaking of which, let me just say that zero teams should be rushing to sign Brady this offseason. Brady is surrounded by Leonard Fournette, Chris Godwin and Mike Evans and they have 5 wins. You really think Brady on the Giants throwing to Richie James is going to go well?

1. New York Giants (7-4) vs Washington

The Giants are on a 2-game losing streak and the bottom can completely fall out of what started as a 6-1 dream season. Every single player on this roster is injured and the injured players weren’t that talented to begin with so their backups are just local cashiers and barbers they found tailgating in the parking lot before the game.

If the Giants lose to the Commanders then they might fall out of playoff contention and that Daniel Jones contract negotiation is going to look reaaaal different.