Pat Bev Was Made To Play in Israel

The league is losing one of the greats. 0-time NBA champion, Patrick Beverley, is taking his 6 points a game from last season and bringing it to Israel to play for Hapoel Tel Aviv BC.

BREAKING: @patbev21 is headed to Europe. “They gave me everything I asked for… I couldn’t refuse.” Says Pat Bev

He plans to sign with Hapoel Tel Aviv BC

— Pat Bev Pod (@PatBevPod) July 16, 2024

It’ll hurt to lose one of the most dynamic players in the sport.

Patrick Beverley plays basketball like he was picked up in a black van an hour before the opening tip, only to find his family in the backseat with bags over their heads and guns drawn as a shadowy figure in the front seat offers Bev his family back if he “mucks up the game” to screw up gambling odds.

Patrick Beverley plays like there’s barbed wire inside his sneakers.

He plays like he’d be more comfortable wearing jeans and the safety vest required for his 3rd shift warehouse job. Shocked his employee ID card doesn’t fall out of his pocket when he’s diving at people’s knees, pretending to go for a loose ball that was out of bounds long before he dove for it.

What does Pat Bev bring to Tel Aviv?

Just look at his final NBA moment when the Bucks lost in the first round and Pat Bev was getting Tel Aviv reps in.

Pat Bev just smoked a #Pacers fan with a basketball. What are we doing here? pic.twitter.com/24Jol62Dj3

— Kyle Malzhan (@KyleMalzhan) May 3, 2024

Look at the way he fires projectiles at helpless civilians out of pure disgust and anger. Pat Bev was born to be an IDF solider. He’s spent his entire career harassing and injuring opponents, not only getting away with it, but being praised for his random violence.

PB slammed into Westbrook and blew his knee out. He shoved Chris Paul to the ground from behind after walking past him and having every opportunity to do something directly to his face and then Bev followed that up by going on ESPN to shit on Chris Paul more.

And his podcast remains popular(ish) despite him having nothing particularly unique or interesting to say.

He is the perfect player to be the face of the Israeli basketball league. He commits reckless destructions and gets endless positive PR regardless of how obviously unnecessary he is.

Beverley

I know I’ll be tuning in to watch Hapoel Tel Aviv BC this season. Pat Bev and Ish Wainwright¹ are going to dominate.

Cannot wait for the pod with former NBA player Pat Bev along with his barstool sports co-host, former battle rapper who used to rap like a windup toy moving mechanically, Rone as they sit down with current Muslim-destroyer Benjamin Netanyahu to promote tourism as if they aren’t currently turning Palestine into a parking lot.

Thanks for reading.

Are you also excited to see Pat Bev out of the league? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.