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NFL Week 8 Awards

From Nick Bosa making America Great Again to Anthony Richardson being the most tired boy, here are your NFL Week 8 Awards

nfl week 8

 

 

The “Enjoy Scoring 50 a Game Now Before Your OC Leaves in the Offseason” Award: Detroit Lions

nfl week 8

The Detroit Lions dropped 52 points on the Tennesee Titans—in front of their friends and families.

Their third blowout victory this year.

Detroit leads the NFL with 33.4 points a game. The Lions are 6-1, looking like the greatest offense in the history of history.

Jahmyr Gibbs rushed for 127 yards and a touchdown on only 11 carries. Jared Goff refuses to throw incomplete passes. Every wide receiver is open on every single play. 6 different players scored a touchdown on Sunday.

Detroit Lions fans should enjoy this magical season because it’s the last time they’ll ever be this good.

Because the offensive mastermind behind the whole operation is about to move to Chicago with Caleb Williams and haunt the Lions for the rest of their lives.


The “I Don’t Think You Guys Should Stand Next To Each Other” Award: Willie Gay/Anfernee Orji

nfl week 8

Is there any other kind?


The “It’s 5 O’Clock Somewhere” Award: Dalvin Cook

nfl week 8

With running back Rico Dowdle nursing an injury, Dalvin Cook accidentally became important at work.

But he made sure to capitalize on the bonus playing time.

6 carries. 12 yards.

Sick.

I imagine ripping shots on the bench didn’t help his performance.


The “Wow, He Just Like Me” Award: Anthony Richardson

nfl week 8

Rarely do I watch an NFL game and believe I am capable of surviving a single snap, let alone actually catching a pass or tackling a charging running back.

And I won’t pretend as if I have the arm strength to make this 69-yard touchdown pass to Josh Downs.

Then I look at Richardson’s final stat like—10-for-32 (31%)—and I’m like “That’s about the best I could do too”.

With about 3 minutes left at the end of the 3rd quarter, Anthony Richardson scrambled around to make a play and promptly sat himself on the bench for a play to catch his breath.

I feeeeeeeel you. I honestly don’t understand how this doesn’t happen more often. I’d spend 99% of an NFL game out of breath and 1% trying to catch my breath.

I understand you, Ant.


The Carson Wentz Award For Cartoonish Hijinks: Daniel Jones

2024 new york giants

Brian Davoll put on a coaching master class on Monday night—expertly maneuvering through nonstop penalty calls on his team.

From holding to illegal shifts and a couple illegal formations, Daboll always dialed up the right play call to move the ball forward.

At one point, Daboll intentionally sent 12 men on the field to give his team one last scoring opportunity at the end of the game.

Here’s what Daniel Jones did with that final possession:

This coming right after JJ Watt strip sacked him.

A fumble and an interception to end the game. 6 years of Daniel Jones. No improvements.

He, too, is just like me.


The “Thank God You Didn’t Clarify” Award: Nick Bosa

donald trump nick bosa

After beating the Dallas Cowboys on Sunday Night Football, Nick Bosa rushed to throw on his Make America Great Again hat and ran in front of the cameras to show off how big of a fan he is of The Apprentice game show host.


Following the game, Nick Bosa was asked to elaborate on his costume change, here’s his response:

“I’m not gonna talk too much about it but I think it’s an important time”.

Thank. Gawd.

I promise you, I’d rather Bosa shut and dribble than stand up there like “Well, I just think there are too many immigrants here”.

There was no explanation I could’ve heard that would’ve made me believe Bosa has thorough, nuanced, well-thought-out political beliefs.

I understand the reporter asking him about it but we were dangerously close to a “why can’t we bring slavery back??” and I don’t think I could’ve handled the news cycle if that happened.

I already can’t stop scrolling past that comedian saying Puerto Rico is garbage or whatever.

Nick Bosa shutting the fuck up makes him wayyyyy smarter than I ever imagined. Good for him.


The GET OUT OF HERE Award: Aaron Rodgers

2024 new york jets

Aaron Rodgers had a decent game on Sunday. 233 yards. 2 tuddies. Was only sacked once.

And they lost.

The Jets could’ve easily won the Disaster Class award this week—it wouldn’t be the first time. But I want to specifically discuss Aaron’s role in all this.

New York lost to a New England Patriots team that hadn’t won a game since Week 1.

Rodgers didn’t like Robert Saleh and now he’s gone. The Jets have lost every game since Saleh was fired.

Rodgers wanted Davante Adams. In 2 games, Davante has 7 catches on 15 targets for 84 yards. The Panthers are the worst team in the NFL, ranking 30th in passing offense. Jalen Coker has more yards and a touchdown in Carolina’s last 2 games. Coker has a 6-figure salary. Adams makes $11 million.

Intermin head coach, Jeff Ulbrich, has no idea how to run an NFL program. No one on that staff is in control. Offensive coordinator, Nathaniel Hackett, is just there to smoke crack with Aaron in dark caves.

This is what Rodgers wanted. Control.

The Jets won’t become a professional football club until the moody, middle-aged drug addict no longer works there.


Biggest Winner: Noah Brown

nfl week 8

Noah Brown caught the game-winning Hail Mary pass at the end of one of the biggest games of the season to help Washington advance to 6-2 with a victory over the Chicago Bears.


Jayden Daniels and Caleb Williams will be compared for the rest of their careers and thanks to Noah Brown, Jayden has a 1-0 advantage in the rivalry.


Biggest Loser: Tyrique Stevenson

nfl week 8

Noah Brown caught the game-winning hail mary because Tyrique Stevenson was popping and locking and making snow angels to celebrate a win that had not happened yet.

Not only was Tyrique out of position doing jumping jacks and recording TikToks, but he had a quick enough reaction time to swat the ball directly into Noah Brown’s hands.

Going from celebrating a victory to being the sole reason your team lost in a matter of seconds has to be one of the worst feelings ever. Like, way worse than Dalvin Cook’s Monday morning hangover.
 


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