This Sunday, locked in, eyes on every play. Honestly, Jaxson Dart personally retiring Russell Wilson last week got me back into the NFL season. Um, not so fortunate for my Giants this week but I have something to look forward to again. I’m re-engaged, it’s time to bring back my favorite weekly article, the NFL Awards.
Here are your NFL Week 5 Awards:
The Disaster Class Award: Geno Smith
I heard the Raiders were a playoff team. Odd to me, considering their new QB, Geno Smith, a 35-year-old, 12 years into his NFL career with one playoff start in his life (a loss, duh), had shown nothing convincing me he was ever good.
Before I make fun of Geno Smith, Las Vegas refusing to embrace failure to ensure higher draft picks, forcing their fans—recently abandoned in Oakland—to sit through more Aidan O’Connell ball—is commendable. Raiders could’ve traded away Maxx Crosby, resetting the clock on their relevancy, opting to put all their hopes into random lottery tickets in the draft.
Nope.
Hired Pete Carroll off his couch.
Drafted Ashton Jeanty—one of the greatest college football running backs ever.
Traded for Geno Smith—a QB currently leading the NFL with 9 interceptions.
Geno Smith has now thrown 8 interceptions in 5 games played, this is ridiculous 😂
He is horrible. pic.twitter.com/gbg2tLIJmw
— SM Highlights (@SMHighlights1) October 5, 2025
Geno Smith’s 8th interception of the season 🔥🔥🔥 pic.twitter.com/BroKp1d6E3
— BricksCenter (@BricksCenter) October 5, 2025
The Raiders, shoved in a locker by the Indianapolis Colts, lost 6-40, in a game defined by Geno Smith’s ineptitude.
This is how Geno Smith’s career will end.
Las Vegas acquired a lemon.
Geno has gone full-Flacco.
It’s over.
Seahawks fans will always remember those two meaningless All-Star seasons where they finished 1 game above .500 and podcasters pretended as if Geno was some difference maker. Mina Kimes has grown too powerful.
Geno will always be remembered as the guy who ended Eli Manning’s start streak. Oh, and throwing all these fucking interceptions.
The Will Levis Award For Cartoonish Hijinks: Arizona Cardinals
An award typically handed to the quarterback with the most egregious turnover, this week, everyone with direct deposits from the Arizona Cardinals earns this together.
With the Los Angeles Rams losing on Thursday night, Arizona, coming into Week 5 at 2-2, needed a win to stay in the NFC West race.
The 0-4 Tennessee Titans flying into town—win guaranteed.
Outscored Tennessee 21-6 in the first half.
3 consecutive touchdown drives to start the game.
Everything’s coming up Milhouse.
Their job was done.
Champagne popping, cigar lighting, halftime must’ve been a movie. Studo54 in the 80s.
Except halftime ended. T
he Cardinals had to play 30 more minutes, much to their surprise.
First possession back, Kyler Murray took a snap off the facemask. Titans ball.
Kyler Murray takes a snap to the FACE 😭
Bounces off his helmet and turns into a fumble… pure chaos! 💀 #AZCardinals #NFL pic.twitter.com/ghLPPmBwkO— Aggregate Sports (@AggregateSports) October 5, 2025
Yike.
A season-ending James Conner injury, granted 3rd-year back, Emari Demercado, real playing time.
And he exploded for a 52-yard run to the endzone.
Unfortunately, he elected to roll the ball out of the back of that endzone before he crossed the plain…
Imagine being Emari Demercado… play football your whole life… work your ass off… you need James Conner and Trey Benson to BOTH go down for you to have any relevancy… you FINALLY get your chance and you let the ball go for a game-changing fumble at GL
pic.twitter.com/2zCKEcJMwa— John Frascella (Football) (@NFLFrascella) October 5, 2025
2nd fumble of the second half.
A player who shouldn’t even be on the field, jogging the last 10 yards of the biggest run of his life, celebrating before he steps a single foot into the endzone like he’s Ladanian Tomlinson scoring his 4th TD of the night.
Cardinals football.
Rookie Cam Ward, winless so far, down 6-21, walked the Arizona Cardinals down—scoring 16 unanswered points—including a game-winning drive to set up the field goal.
Winning is fucking hard.
It requires focus and discipline and sacrifice.
Or you can just play against the Arizona Cardinals, in which case winning is easy.
The “He Can’t Keep Getting Away With This” Award: Darren Waller
Injuries, divorce, retirement, R&B, Darren Waller, 4 labors later, returned to Herculian form—catching 5 passes for 78 yards and a touchdown.
Darren Waller with the touchdown, Dolphins are crapping on Bryce Young 😂
This getting bad. pic.twitter.com/VO05XCeIfm
— SM Highlights (@SMHighlights1) October 5, 2025
It appeared CTE won. Darren Waller was one bad day away from becoming an ICE agent.
The Miami Dolphins saved his, and everyone’s life.
In 2 games, Darren’s scored 3 touchdowns, more than Puka Nukua and Justin Jefferson—two of the best receivers in the league.
He can’t keep getting away with this..
The “How Are You Worse Than Adam Gase?” Award: Aaron Glenn
Aaron Glenn is the first new Jets head coach to start their tenure 0-5.
Somehow, Aaron Glenn is less successful than Adam Gase—the “QB Whisperer” who stole a job thanks to a Peyton Manning letter of recommendation, a firm handshake and a Christmas Adventurers membership.
Adam Gase at least went 1-4 in his first 5 games.
Gase started 0-4, their first win of the season coming Week 5 against the Dallas Cowboys—the same Dallas Cowboys who ran Aaron Glenn’s ball club out of the gym in a 37-22 beatdown.
It’s Glenn’s first season, only 5 games in.
Too early to declare the hiring a failure—especially working in an organization currently in the midst of a retaliation lawsuit, claiming she was fired for reporting a sexual assault.
An organization where the owner’s lame-son influences personnel decisions based on Madden Ratings.
But like, it’s time to score more points than your opponents, Aaron.
The “Are We Sure He’s Not The Best QB in the NFL?” Award: Baker Mayfield
- 29-for-33
- 379 passing yards
- 2 touchdown
- 90.7 QBR
Down 28-35, a little over 3 minutes left in the game, 25-yard completion, missed deep shot, 25-yard completion, 9-yard completion, 11-yard TD pass. Game, tied.
Sam Darnold followed behind that with an interception to set Tampa Bay up for the game-winning field goal.
Week after week after week, Baker Mayfield walks your favorite team down to the final minute, pulling heroic throws from the heavens. Baker leads the NFL in 4th quarter comebacks—all 4 Tampa wins this season coming from Mayfield carrying the boys on his back.
We’re so willing to give CJ Stroud and Jordan Love crowns, we’ve acted like Baker is some cute side story. Outside of Daniel Jones—whose season I’m pretending isn’t happening—how is anyone else an MVP favorite besides Baker?
The “Freaks Come Out At Night” Award: Mark Sanchez
I already wrote about Mark Sanchez so if you want a the details, you can check that out here.
But insane to blackout on a work trip, fight an old man, get stabbed up and then wake up in handcuffs facing felony battery charges.
The D.A.R.E. program should just show footage of Sanchez’s Friday night to middle schoolers.
Drug free is the way to be!
The “Apes, Together, Strong” Award: Mac Jones
Mac Jones ate a ton of fucking bananas during an NFL game.
mac jones comendo uma banana pic.twitter.com/M2qvX1Yb2P
— cristian (@Cristianspfc_) October 3, 2025
Thursday night, Brock Purdy sat with a toe injury. The 49ers season on the shoulders of their backup, Mac Jones. With Los Angeles Rams teeing off on him all night long, Mac appeared one hit away from an emergency midfield helicopter landing, EMTs mad-dashing to revive the fallen footballer.
Bananas were the only thing capable of soothing Mac’s ailments.
The 49ers won 26-23 in OT thanks to Mac Jones going ape mode.
Biggest Winner: Stefon Diggs
Idle hands are the devil’s playground. No demons near Stefon Diggs, the busiest man of 2025. Impregnated a married woman who just dropped an album about their love life, followed by a Twitter war with her arch nemesis, constantly refreshing each other’s feeds, ready to make fun of the other’s child. Oh, and he did a bunch of coke on a boat full of link-in-bios, like, a month ago.
All of this newfound attention from his celebrity relationship or new child, not even to distract him from his hate for the Buffalo Bills.
Stefon Diggs is a true veteran receiver. He knew Drake Maye was in trouble and got creative. Huge play: pic.twitter.com/0I2IXGHqmR
— Arye Pulli (@AryePulliNFL) October 6, 2025
10 catches for 146 yards.
Stefon Diggs, in his first primetime game of the season, went out of his way to help the New England Patriots beat the Buffalo Bills, perhaps putting the Patriots in more, future positions, to star in primetime again.
Diggs is a showman always in pursuit of the next big stage.
Attention, the carrot on the stick motivating too many of us these days. I
n this essay I will…
Biggest Loser: Shane Bowen
Okay, so imagine you ran security for the dollar store in town.
And someone told the local press, “I’ve seen their security over there. It’s nothing special. I should have no problem stealing from that dollar store this Sunday.”
And then that person came into your dollar store, on Sunday, like they said they would, and robbed you.
You would no longer be in charge of security.
Saints QB Spencer Rattler said the Giants defense is predictable and then beat that predictable defense.
And for some reason, Shane Bowen still works here.
Ok.
Deadseriousness Top 50 Quarterbacks Heading Into The 2025 NFL Season
Thanks for reading.
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