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NFL Divisional Round Awards

From Mark Andrews dropping the game-typing 2-point conversion to Jalen Hurts being off that bean, lets give out NFL Divisional Round awards.

nfl divisional round

The Chiefs beat the Texans. The Commanders beat the Lions. The Eagles beat the Rams. And the Bills beat the Ravens. The 2025 NFL Divisional Round was both full of surprises and also exactly what should’ve happened.

We had a lot of snow, a lot of Saquon Barkley and we even lost and got back TikTok halfway through the weekend.

Here are your NFL Divisional Round Awards:

Disaster Class Award: Detroit Lions

nfl divisional round

The Detroit Lions had four players throw passes in their 31-45 loss to the Washington Commanders.

2 of the 4 threw interceptions.

1 of the 4 was a high school gym teacher, like, 5 weeks ago.

Jared Goff threw an interception early and got popped so hard you could almost see him counting all the wonderful shooting stars in his vision.

Then he went back out there, head full of dancing Looney Tunes characters and threw 2 more interceptions with the Tasmanian Devil whispering in his ear.

Teddy Bridgewater was like, a crossing guard outside of a local high school last month and he was forced into action while the Lions were desperately attempting to skirt the concussion rules so Goff could go back out there and fight for his life against the Hat Man.

Oh, and their final possession of the 2024 NFL season ended with a trick play where wide receiver, Jameson Williams, threw a bullet to the Washington defense.

After suffering a bajillion injuries, the Lions filled their defense with local 8 Mile battle rappers so I never expected them to handcuff Jayden Daniels but this was the best offense in the NFL playing like they were ready to start their vacations.

Disaster.

The “Okay, You Get One More Year But We’re About To Start Roasting You Soon” Award: CJ Stroud

nfl divisional round

CJ Stroud has two career playoff wins in the Wild Card round against Joe Flacco last season and Justin Herbert closing his eyes chucking it to Texans jerseys last week.

He’s looked better in the postseason than Herbert, Tua Tagovailoa and Trevor Lawrence so he won’t get dogpiled yet but going into his 3rd season next year—Stroud better get ready to become a meme because I don’t see him ever getting past Lamar, Allen or Mahomes any time soon.

It sucks that the Texans lost. But it’s going to suck even more next year. Coaches will start getting side-eyed. CJ Stroud will be called a loser. The NFL media full of desperately controversial and lazy take artists will start treating him, well, the way they’ve historically treated guys who look like him.

This is Stroud’s most important offseason.

Please don’t podcast all spring with Micah Parsons.

Go figure out how to avoid 3rd and 10. I dare you.

Let me workshop a new nickname for Stroud for if/when he loses a playoff game again. “BJ Bound” because he’ll be out of the league and making money answering Deshaun Watson’s personal ads on Craigslist for cash.

The “Na Na Na Boo Boo” Award: Patrick Mahomes

2022 nfl awards

Remember when a lot of the online discourse around Patrick Mahomes was celebrating his ability to overcome his incredibly annoying support system. From his dad drunk driving more often than sober driving to his brother TikToking his way into groping charges to his wife looking like she can chew open any canned food, Mahomes looked like he was the normal one.

But the more you watch him play, the more it’s clear that he, too, is a straight up dork whose strategy has changed from beating his opponents into tricking his opponents into unnecessary roughness calls.

Mahomes doesn’t run to move the chains. He runs to make defenders push him out of bounds or dive at him when he slides at the last possible second.

We’re one of these lame ass moves away from me declaring Jackson as the cool brother in the family.

The “How The Fuck Are You Always Just…Around” Award: Tommy Alter

lakers jj redick

Taylor Swift returned to the NFL broadcast this weekend hanging with Caitlin Clark.

It’s a big day for notification addicts who fake cry about the sanctity of their sport being disrespected by the existence of women so they can be dunked on and receive a ton of push notifications.

I’ll let them have that.

Get a bunch of strangers to argue with you so you have something to refresh on your phone during your Burlington stock room shift.

Whatever it takes to get through the day, I reckon.

But I couldn’t notice someone else was in the suite alongside Taylor and Caitlin.

Caitlin Clark is sitting next to Tommy Alter—the former co-host of the JJ Redick podcast who seems to have every celebrity’s number in his phone.

It’s an interesting life Tommy chose for himself.

Personally, I don’t know if I’d love spending my life in proximity to famous people without, like, having even a fraction of their accomplishments or talents.

I’d probably feel like a leech or loser but good on Tommy having no shame.

I wish I was willing to be the guy who brings the coke to the parties so I can be invited to the parties but I suppose I care too much what others think of me.

The “You Have Officially Qualified For The Jets Job” Award: Aaron Glenn

nfl divisional round

Last week, it was reported that Aaron Glenn told people close to him (which I guess means reporters) that he wants the New York Jets head coaching job.

He certainly deserves it more than Rex Ryan or Ron Rivera.

And I think he solidified his spot by giving up 45 points to the Washington Commanders in the biggest game of the Lions season.

The New York Jets are the only team that will gladly hire a Defensive Coordinator after almost giving up a 50-piece to a rookie QB.

Congrats to the 6-11 New York Jets next season.

The “Maybe It’s Time To Retire” Award: Matty Stafford

nfl divisional round

Matt Stafford is 36 years old.

Every time he gets hit I flinch like I just saw someone’s career end.

Shout out to Stafford and the Rams winning that Super Bowl.

I’m sure Matty still has a little more gas left in the tank and outside of acquiring Sam Darnold, the Rams don’t have better options at QB but man, I don’t need to see this old guy limping up and down the field anymore.

Don’t die on the field to avoid spending more time with your wife, Kelly.

Actually, if Stafford died on the field, the next Kelly Stafford podcast would just be about how she had to walk past a homeless person outside of her favorite smoothie spot in LA and how she doesn’t understand why the police don’t just arrest them.

The Perc Angle Award: Jalen Hurts

nfl divisional round

Shout out to Jalen Hurts, man.

My guy has been concussed for weeks and when he’s finally allowed back on the field—he instantly injures himself again.

But he plays through it.

I don’t have much to say about the game Hurts played. Handing the ball off to Saquon Barkley all day feels like a pretty easy day at work.

HOWEVER, in his post-game interview, Jalen Hurts was mumbling and rambling like a man whose bloodstream was more percs than hemoglobin.

Yea, Jalen. Tell em how you used to play Madden or something.

Also, uh, maybe get some rest(?)

The Code Red Award: Mark Andrews

nfl divisional round

In A Few Good Men, Colonel Jessup calls a Code Red on Private Santiago where all of the other soldiers beat the dog shit out of him to teach him a lesson.

Private Santiago is accidentally killed in the Code Red and I don’t necessarily believe Mark Andrews should be eliminated to a permanent end, however, look at these two egregious mistakes.

Yo.

The Ravens cannot win a Super Bowl if every receiver’s hands turn to stone in the postseason. Lamar’s legacy is on the line and Mark Andrews is dropping the football on the ground like an old pervert dropping cash around a young lady he wants to touch his old wee wee.

Be better.

Biggest Winner: Patrick Mahomes

nfl divisional round

Originally, I wrote that Josh Allen was the biggest winner of the week.

He went toe-to-toe with his MVP rival, Lamar, and came out with the dub.

He dragged the Buffalo Bills to the AFC Championship game in a season that started with doubt after trading away Stefon Diggs and replacing him with no one.

But then I remembered he’s about to play the Kansas City Chiefs next week. Josh Allen ain’t the biggest winner.

Patrick Mahomes became a starter 7 years ago. The Chiefs have made the AFC Championship Game 7 straight seasons.

I know it’s fly to hate on his penalty-baiting and technically had a worse statistical season than guys like Baker Mayfield and Sam Darnold but Patrick Mahomes is still Him.

I’m not Mr. Prediction Man but the Chiefs might sleepwalk their way to another Super Bowl appearance.

Jayden Daniels is the only man who can save us from the inevitable.

Biggest Loser: Lamar Jackson

lamar jackson

I love Lamar.

His supporters will point to Mark Andrews fumbling and dropping a game-typing 2-point conversion. But don’t let that distract you from the fact that Lamar was burping up like Dumbo off a barrel of liquor.

When the entire narrative around you is how you perform at an MVP level for the regular season but turn into Blake Borles in the playoffs, you should probably stop turning into Blake Bortles.

I’m about ready to get off the Lamar train but I know Week 1 next year he’ll score 6 touchdowns without even playing the 4th quarter and I’ll be back chasing the dragon. I wish I could quit you.

 

 

 

 

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Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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