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Lester Lee’s WWE Elimination Chamber 2025 Review

From Jade Cargill sending a girl to the ICU to John Cena selling his soul to The Rock, let’s talk WWE Elimination Chamber 2025

wwe elimination chamber 2025

3 months into 2025, the president is threatening World War 3—cosplaying as a ‘strong fearless leader’ while his words whistle through his rotting dentures. I needed my favorite PLE of the year: WWE Elimination Chamber 2025.

Elimination Chamber is WWE’s last chance to surprise its fans before Wrestlemania.

So let’s see what WWE has besides Drake canceling his Australia tour to sit behind the commentary booth looking like he’s regretting the amount of money he bet on Naomi to win the Chamber.

Transport me to the alternate reality where Pat McAfee was just a decent punter, retired, and never thought of again like Jeff Feagles.

No one in the business better at misreading what people want or like.

Remember when he called Caitlin Clark a “white bitch”—in his mind, truly speaking as an ally to women?

It’s not that heel broadcasters can’t be good or it’s cheap heat using current political issues to mock the home crowd—but Pat lacks any subtly or charm.

Jesse Ventura says indiscernible nonsense, more often than not, but he doesn’t feel as thirsty for praise the way Pat does.

It’s like Pat has a 100mph fastball in his repertoire but only throws it away because he’s terrified of taking an actual risk and throwing inside.

It’s a sleight of hand—Pat presenting a loud, boisterous attitude, “Hey, I stand up on my podcast and don’t even have time for sleeves on my shirt. Let me tell you the way it really is“—when in reality, he’s amassed so much responsibility from both ESPN/Disney and now WWE/TKO, or more specifically, so many direct deposits— he isn’t connected enough to anything he covers—guessing what amuses terminally online tweens.

No one can have like, 4-5 jobs and be great at all of them.

But I’m sure Elon Musk can fix the government and run 3 other corporations simultaneously. This is all a good idea.

The night starts with the women’s Elimination Chamber.

Jade Cargill returned to teleport Naomi from Toronto to the Pearly Gates.

 

Jade Cargill is the GOAT

wwe elimination chamber 2025

Jade Cargill is truly built different.

The women in this Elimination Chamber are barely tall enough to have a fun day at Six Flags. You could count all of their heights with just one bag of apples.

Jade Cargill is a DC comic book cover.

The intensity of the match was cranked up to 11 the moment Cargill started beating Naomi like a Neil Peart drum solo. Her swings were Louisville Sluggers at batting cages.

Personally, I wanted Jade to stay in the Chamber after eliminating Naomi via EMTs.

Jade’s mechanical—moving as if her OS is updating in real-time, learning human movements through AI retinal displays—but Hulk Hogan mostly sucked.

Eddie Guerrero did not get a standing ovation after a routine hurricanrana like John Cena did—sarcastically or otherwise.

In-ring excellence has never been a prerequisite for entry into the GOAT discussion.

Having cool moments beating people into the back of ambulances is literally how Roman Reigns got there.

Jade Cargill is on the HOV lane to host Saturday Night Live by 2027.

Women’s Chamber

wwe elimination chamber 2025

Alexa Bliss is cool.

Unfortunately, she represents my frustration with the wrestling company that doesn’t feel responsible for putting together great wrestling matches.

Alexa Bliss is a causality of my cold war with the weekly theatrics and storytelling, knocking wrestling unconsciousness behind the wheel and taking the driver’s seat away from the actual physical competition I love.

Alexa Bliss and all the Wyatt’s nonsense is for weekly television. But Triple H has not figured out how to translate that type of storytelling into compelling in-ring work.

Alexa did fine.

Bayley was in this match.

Whenever I see Bianca Belair pick up a woman from behind, by her neck, a new part of my brain lights up. Her finishing move makes her opponents look like garbage bags the dishwasher at Ruby Tuesdays has to drag outside to the dumpsters at the end of every closing shift.

I cannot wait to see Bianca Belair lift Rhea Ripley like an old family couch a dad carries over his shoulder to the curb.

Roxanne Perez belonged. NXT robbed a jewelry star and ran out with bricks of gold.

Stephanie Vaquer, Giulia and now Jordynne Grace are all future Wrestlemania main eventers.

Roxanne Perez would’ve drowned in the excitement of new favorite action figures.

But on the main roster—especially when you watch the men’s chamber later—Roxanne is the pair of socks you get from your parents on Christmas after a year of destroying the ones they got you last Christmas.

Finally, something new.

WWE is so hip and lit and—oh, look over here, an actor from a CW superhero show canceled before you got the chance to never watch it.

Don’t you love how all of our men’s stars are your dad’s age with revolving hairlines, competing in tug-of-war’s for friendship bracelets?

Roxanne Perez is 23 years old and kept up in a match with the most steady, consistent, professional vets in the division.

I was indifferent about this woman going in and now I need a Buried Alive match with Bayley at Mania.

Liv Morgan was incredible but her in-ring chemistry with Bianca Belair lept through the television.

Whenever they’re together, it feels like that scene in Kill Bill when Vivica A. Fox and Uma Thurman meet and it’s on-sight.

Their relationship was the highlight of the match.

Their agreement to beat the absolute dogshit out of each other before the match should have been recorded to be released on the 10th anniversary of this match.

I don’t even trust myself as much as Bianca and Liv trust each other, although, I reckon that sounds more like a personal problem I need to work on.

Yea, I didn’t need to see Naomi wrestle at WWE Elimination Chamber 2025.

Sick entrance.

But the best outcome was her being wheeled out before she wasted our time.

It would have honestly insulted our intelligence to put Naomi in a No. 1 contender’s match for the women’s championship.

Jey Uso vs. Gunther and Naomi vs. Rhea Ripley would’ve had wrestling fans lobbying to get Congress to pass anti-nepotism legislation for real.

America would’ve changed.

Triple H had an opportunity to literally do terrorism.

Coward.

Good for Trish Stratus

wwe elimination chamber 2025

It’s sweet that Trish Stratus still even wants to do this.

Even Lita stopped answering the phone a couple years ago.

Trish is down to clown, whenever.

But it’s mostly cool that Trish wants to compete with a newer generation of properly and professionally trained women. These new girls are some of the best athletes in the country and Trish—whose photos got a lot of young men through Afghanistan—gets to have some of their wrestling street cred rub off on her final resume.

Whatever. Tag team matches are invisible to me.

Street Fights with helmets on

wwe elimination chamber 2025

Cinema.

Not much of a wrestling match though.

Sometimes I feel like I’m being too harsh on WWE’s watered-down product—then I watch an “unsanctioned” match feel less physically grueling than what Liv Morgan did an hour earlier.

I never watch an AEW match thinking “This is taking forever” yet so often, WWE matches are coma-patient live streams.

So much inactivity and thousand-yard stares as these stunt fighters pretend to be Oscar winners instead of doing everything in their power to pin their opponents.

This match was supposed to be a bloodbath of brutality and baseball bat welts but instead, it was two men crawling to all their pre-determined spots, at a snail’s pace, while making faces at the camera and taking turns pretending to be seriously injured.

Very cool. Imagine how much that would hurt if they used barbed wire.

Men’s Chamber

wwe elimination chamber 2025

I loved the men’s Elimination Chamber.

The women’s chamber only had 5 women and it felt like a steady volley of action at all times. Bianca and Liv had their dramatic moments climbing the cage but for the most part, you didn’t have time to recognize the women laying down in the background catching their breath.

The entire men’s chambers were guys laying down in the background catching their breath. 6 guys got massive paydays to nap in a cage for a half hour. Jelly.

This match was a farce, a distraction, an innings-eater, killing time before The Rock and John Cena’s big mask-off reveal.

Nothing impressive or innovative or unique or interesting occurred once. Like, not one single one of these performers came to the table with a creative idea.

John Cena and CM Punk hugged—as the two men have been fake smiling since they returned to WWE—Triple H and Nick Khan standing behind them holding cartoonishly large bags of cash, with big black dollar signs drawn on the bags—to indicate there’s money in there of course—and shotguns against their backs.

John Cena looks ill. Everyone came out in their best spray tans and Cena came out looking like a bowl of milk sitting on the porch on a hot lazy Louisiana afternoon.

Roxanne Perez brought fresh energy into the women’s chamber while Cena and Punk—two guys who started their wrestling careers before Perez was born—sucked the energy out of the room, literally, gasping for air—hoping Seth Rollins and Logan Paul do enough flips to keep the crowd engaged while they rest on the floor all match.

Where is Bron Breakker or Carmelo Hayes or Montez Ford or Chad Gable or anyone young enough to connect an iPhone to the Bluetooth?

Logan Paul is there to sell coconut water. Drew McIntyre is there to sit in the cuck chair. Seth Rollins is the ink WWE needs to print Cody, Roman and CM Punk’s money. Damian Priest was there too.

One of the least memorable and dull Elimination Chambers ever. 5 stars.

The New NWO

wwe elimination chamber 2025

The Rock and John Cena forming a New World Order against Cody Rhodes, the biggest babyface in the world, has the potential to be an influential storyline for an entire generation of young fans.

But when those young fans grow up, they’ll have no idea how to explain why Travis Scott was there too.

I could not take my eyes off Travis Scott also being in that ring. So many times The Rock and Cena looked for cameras to pose for the Wrestlemania reel and each time, Travis Scott snuck in the background as if he had a long, storied history with everyone. Like, I’m confident The Rock and Travis Scott met for the first time that night.

Unbelievably unserious to have your big John Cena heel turn with The Rock and a washed-up rapper who couldn’t get a hit off a tee with Barry Bonds’s blood. I suppose that’s why The Rock and Travis are perfect together: neither man has been a true star since, like, 2018.

I’m excited to see how WWE will use the next 6 weeks building a massive Wrestlemania centered around two men who leave Triple H’s texts on read while they’re filming B-movies in tropical locations instead of flying into the Des Moines airport at 9pm, rushing to the local arena to raise their eyebrows at the top of the ramp before the show closes.

They saved John Cena’s big heel turn for the final year of his career in which he won’t be attending weekly programming and we sort of have to make up the story in our heads and through random CM Punk and Cody Rhodes promos at him.

Imagine the WCW big’s NWO moment with Hollywood Hulk Hogan joining Kevin Nash and Scott Hall and then the 3 men never show up to any Nitros ever and the “new world order” taking over the company never actually happens on camera and we get updates via internet reporters and broadcast play-by-play.

WWE is a very unserious product and I’m excited for Travis Scott to hit a 5-star frog splash on Cody Rhodes for no reason at all.

 

 

 

 

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Written by thelesterlee

Creator of Deadseriousness. Diehard Knicks, Yankees and Giants fan who wants to create a sports and pop culture space that isn't the same copy and pasted AI content you see everywhere else.

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