Karl-Anthony Towns is a Loser

When Kristaps Porzingis played for the Knicks, he was 20 years old and moving to a brand new country.

On the court, he could put the ball in the basket fine but he didn’t do the microscopic things that lead to wins—and off the court, he was getting jumped in Latvia and may or may not have hurt a woman. Weird case, glad he’s not around anymore¹.

He went to Dallas and got his ego checked by the head coach, Rick Carlise—who told him to go stand in the corner.

KP and Luka never worked out. Both players thought the fans were there to see them.

One of them was right. The other was traded to the Wizards.

But by the time he got to Washington, Kristaps developed calluses. He became a professional basketball player who understood what it took to consistently contribute to a basketball club night after night.

So when he gets to Boston, he can fit seamlessly into the machine—prepared to score 20 points on any given night but not expecting or needing to.

I don’t know if Karl-Anthony Towns has had that light bulb moment yet.

He’s experienced personal tragedies off the court and after being brutally mocked for celebrating a play-in tournament victory like it was an NBA championship—Towns helped the T-Wolves make the Conference Finals last season.

He should have an adult brain now.

Yet in every single photo I see of this man, he’s dressed like a character from Def Jam Vendetta. He got to New York and joined The L.O.X.

He still doesn’t seem to get it. He’s cosplaying as a lifelong New Yorker hoping strangers like him.

I thought being traded would be the wake up call for KAT but I’m not willing to believe it until he stops dressing like RZA.

And then I sat there Tuesday night watching an hour-long Boston Celtics championship celebration before they casually beat the bone marrow out of the Knicks in a completely one-sided, borderline abusive 132-109 victory.

The Karl-Anthony Towns trade should’ve catapulted the Knicks into the Celtics plane and instead, he almost singlehandedly lost this game with his out-of-breath, slow-motion defensive rotations while allowing Jrue Holiday, a player half his size, to put him in handcuffs on offense.

Here’s 4 minutes of the Celtics putting KAT in every action and effortless scoring:

I don’t have access to the Second Spectrum numbers, but I’m guessing the Celtics scored, like, infinity points per play whenever they put Karl-Anthony Towns in action. Torched NYK in the drop, when he was up near the level, when they sent a second defender, whatever. Demolition. pic.twitter.com/D87ju0czrI

— Dan Devine (@YourManDevine) October 23, 2024

I understand that Karl-Anthony Towns has his flaws. Every player does. But I could’ve sworn that the environment Tom Thibodeau and Leon Rose and the Brunson boys created would inspire Towns to play with a sense of urgency. Hustling will always help mask imperfections.

But Karl-Anthony Towns is simply a loser.

Offensively, KAT spent the game on the perimeter glued to his defender, making no efforts to free himself up to get the ball.

Often times he was guarded by Jrue Holliday in the paint and rarely called for the ball with the mismatch. Towns was 1000% okay with losing to the Celtics and did nothing to steer the game in the Knicks direction.

For years, the Knicks prided themselves in controlling offensive rebounds. Against Isaiah Hartenstein and Mitchell Robinson, opposing teams had to step into the octagon and battle for 48 minutes if they wanted a rebound.

But Karl-Anthony Towns never considers offensive rebounding an option. If a Knicks player missed a shot, Karl would allow himself to get boxed or worse, just jog back with his head down.

Absolute loser mentality.

KAT scored 12 points on 9 shot attempts. He took fewer shots than Brunson and Bridges.

In 4 of the 5 preseason games, Karl-Anthony Towns took the same or more shots as Jalen Brunson, including a game where Towns had 20 shot attempts and Brunson had only 10.

Where was all that shit against the Celtics?

Karl is a loser. But we have 81 more games to find this big ass dork some heart so let’s quickly run through some other takeaways I had from the Knicks season opener.

1. Miles McBride might take someone’s job

Deuce McBride dropped 22 points on 8 of 10 shooting. The Celtics were bombing away on KAT’s dome when suddenly lightening struck the court, revealing Deuce McBride in a cloud of smoke.

I’m a huge fan of Deuce McBride’s game. pic.twitter.com/TwXnQoJTUx

— Lu Dort Fan Account (@LuDortBurner) October 22, 2024

If everyone in the starting five not named Jalen Brunson is going to play hot potato with the ball, McBride may need to replace someone and form a new splash brothers with Brunson. Watching Miles made me think he was the only player who improved over the offseason. Josh Hart didn’t improve shit. Just played golf and recorded more ad reads.

Deuce McBride might win 6th Man of the Year if he’s flying off the bench like this.

2. Jalen Brunson absorbs his friend’s power.

Josh Hart came to New York and turned into Ben Simmons—refusing to shoot and doing everything in his power to get the ball to Jalen Brunson—transforming him into an All-NBA caliber player.

Mikal Bridges showed up and had to rebuild his entire shooting form after Brunson took his talent.

Shout out to Donte DiVicenzo escaping Brunson’s vortex before it was too late. We need to find whatever Mediterranean league Omari Spellman is playing in to get Brunson to his final form.

3. Mikal Bridges should be the second-scoring option.

If Karl-Anthony Towns is going to be the smallest 7-footer in NBA history, cowardly ducking away from the ball all game, the Knicks should 1000% re-center their offense around Brunson and Bridges instead of this short-tall loser.

Mikal Bridges found something in the second half last night 👀

16 points
7/8 FG
2/3 3P pic.twitter.com/yEAtRpfeok

— The Strickland (@TheStrickland) October 23, 2024

Bridges had a weird first half. He looked noticeably uncomfortable and terrified of making a mistake while nervously smiling like Aroldis Chapman after he gives up a 500-foot walk-off homer in the bottom of the 9th.

But he came back in the second half playing carefree and looking like the guy that helped the Phoenix Suns make the NBA Finals.

I 1000% trust Mikal Bridges over Karl-Anthony Towns in a Kangol hat and Coogi sweater.

4. Jericho Sims isn’t an NBA player.

This is Jericho’s 4th year playing for a coach who has historically maximized all of his center’s potential. From Joakim Noah to Nerlens Noel to Isaiah Hartenstein, Thibs understands how to properly utilize a 7-footer.

Yet it feels like Jericho Sims and Thibs have never spoken before. I don’t know if Sims knows what he’s supposed to be doing out there.

5. The rookies are good.

Tyler Kolek, Pacome Dadiet and Ariel Hukporti got plenty of time to play, ya know, with the Celtics raining jumpers on their craniums all night. And they all showed out.

Pacome Dadiet is a dead-eye 3-point shooter and he’s still a teenager. The French Prince nickname is being stripped from Frank Ntilikina and gently placed at the feet of Dadiet. Ariel Hukporti should swallow all of Jericho Sims’s minutes.

Tyler Kolek had some wild passes land in the 300 sections but once guys learn that Kolek’s sole operating function is to pass, they’ll have their hands up, ready to catch a TikTok-worthy behind-the-back pass.

6. The Boston Celtics just ruined the NBA

Aside from a few off-ball screens, the Celtics whole offense was 5 guys taking turns chucking up 3’s every single time down the floor.

Old heads were screaming about the Warriors ruining the game with too many threes and they really only had Steph and Klay shooting.

All 12 Celtics launch 3’s and only 3’s.

They obviously won’t shoot as well every game so I don’t expect these types of blowouts but this style of play is dogshit.

Threes can be exciting. But not when it’s the only shot attempts in the game in which it becomes a televised arcade pop-a-shot contest and I don’t know if I can invest two hours every night for these extended games of driveway H.O.R.S.E.

It was like watching one team play regular basketball and the other team come down on their end to play a game of knockout.

I don’t actually know if Jericho Sims sucks because I didn’t watch a game yet. I watched whatever the fuck that was.

(I do know for a fact that Karl-Anthony Towns is a loser though. That was clear.)

7. This game doesn’t matter and the Knicks will be fine.

The Boston Celtics tied the record for most 3’s in a game. Ever. In the history of history. This won’t happen again.

All I know is the Knicks are going 81-1 and Karl-Anthony Towns is a loser.

Thanks for reading. Go ahead and sign up for the D, the daily Deadseriousness newsletter sent directly to your inbox every AM.

Follow us over on TikTok, Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee.