Just Let Fernando Tatis Jr Take Steroids

Last week, Major League Baseball dropped the HAMMER on Fernando Tatis Jr, handing him an 80-game suspension for having Clostebol in his system. An absolutely devastating move for anyone who was waiting for Tatis to make his season debut and join the San Diego Padres super team batting between Juan Soto and Manny Machado.

Before we yell at MLB for taking away one of the most exciting players in the sport because he did a thing that makes the game far more entertaining, we have to quickly talk about the best part of a positive steroid test: the hilarious excuse.

Here is what Fernando Tatis junior, senior and madre said reallyyyy happened with this whole steroids mishap:

Fernando Tatís Jr. released a statement regarding his 80 game suspension for violating MLB’s PED policy.

Tatís says a medication he used to treat ringworm contained the banned substance Clostebol. pic.twitter.com/ixkvFvKApX

— Sporting News MLB (@sn_mlb) August 12, 2022

Maria Tatis, Fernando Tatis Jr. mom, posted this picture on her Instagram clearly showing that her son had ringworm.

This proves that Fernando Tatis Jr. is INNOCENT and should be back playing for the Padres come Thursday. pic.twitter.com/Tl242YaXJB

— Devine Sports Gospel (@DevineGospel) August 13, 2022

As you can see, this is all one big misunderstanding. Fernando Tatis caught ringworm from a haircut, as one does, and the medication he used to treat it happened to have an illegal steroid as an ingredient.

It’s not uncommon for antibiotics to contain steroids or steroid-adjacent chemicals for healing. It’s possible a player with a season-long injury didn’t think twice about taking whatever medicine he took because he’s not even playing baseball.

Free Tatis who is definitely for sure lying but who even cares?

At what point do we stop pretending as if performance-enhancing drugs is this terrible moral and ethical failing? It’s 2022. We’re not talking about the steroids of the 80s that would make your testicles and heart explode. We have the best HGH ever created.

Do you like watching players hit pop ups? Or do you like seeing guys smash bombs into the parking lot?

“But what about the kids and the bad example it sets??” Yo, we live in a country where the FBI raided the president’s house because he was selling nuclear codes to Saudi Arabia to pay for his 1,000 other Ponzi schemes, scams, and sexual assault lawsuits. You think teenagers playing baseball will be corrupted by seeing Major Leaguers juiced up?

Performance-enhancing drugs do nothing but make the sport more entertaining. Every night there is at least one game with a team being no-hit into the 7th inning. Remember hits? Runs? HOME RUNS?? If anything, steroids should be mandatory.

Also, Fernando Tatis should probably look for a new barber who like, cleans their blades and doesn’t infect customers. Did you know we’re still in a global pandemic?