Just Be Yourself, Jalen

21-year-old Jalen Green is preparing to make a huge leap in his third NBA season with a Houston Rockets squad that retooled this offseason with a brand new head coach and hilariously absurd contracts to Fred Vanvleet and Dillon Brooks.

However, Jalen Green’s offseason took an interesting turn when a sex tape leaked. A sex tape starring Jalen Green and his teammate Josh Christopher just dry-humping the brains out of each other.

I’ve never watched the video because their lawyers and managers were quick with the copyright strikes. I have never seen a faster cleanup. You’d imagine if it was a video of Jalen Green with a woman, the clip would be easily accessible but for some reason, a clip of him with a guy is wiped from existence.

Interesting.

Fast forward a month from the leaked video and here’s Jalen Green stepping out with a new lady:

38-Year-Old Draya Michele with 21-Year-Old NBA star Jalen Green 👀 pic.twitter.com/VRHu4bLiuO

— Daily Loud (@DailyLoud) August 5, 2023

Good for Jalen Green and his team brainstorming and coming up with the idea of pairing Green up with one of our most prolific hussies. When Larsa Pippen and Britanny Renner aren’t available for the short-term, public, faux-relationship for Instagram likes and Shade Room posts, Draya Michele is a fantastic backup plan.

But I wish Jalen felt comfortable enough to be himself instead of being this generation’s Dwight Howard—who gets his texts leaked like, once a month begging random men for their wee-wees.

It’s 2023. If you want to hump the hell out of the homies then go for it, dog.

Personally, me and my friends will have a couple bud lights and watch I Think You Should Leave but if Jalen and his friends spend their time rubbing genitals then that’s fine too.

We don’t kink shame here at Deadseriousness.

I’m excited to see who Draya will pop up with next month when the Jalen Green buzz dies down and she can move on to her next clout-chasing endeavor.

But in case Jalen Green is reading this, I am sure you like girls and I am sure you and Draya have a lot in common and enjoy spending time together when there aren’t cameras around. Very cool and straight. Thumbs up emoji.

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