On Sunday night football, all eyes were on the lone NBC broadcast.
With the New York Giants down 22-9 with about 3 minutes left and the ball on the Kansas City Chiefs 5-yard line—Giants QB, Russell Wilson, had 4 downs—4 opportunities to keep his team in the game.
Russell Wilson threw the ball out of bounds 3 times—one resulting in a 10-yard intentional grounding penalty—and one of those throw aways on 4th down.
Game on the line—one chance to win the game—and Russell Wilson played it safe by throwing it into the stands.
BREAKING: Giants to start rookie QB Jaxson Dart. (via @rapsheet, @mikegarafolo) pic.twitter.com/geZclTtr84
— NFL (@NFL) September 23, 2025
The era of Russ, the cowardly QB, is over.
Giants first-round draft pick, Jaxson Dart, will get the Week 4 start against the undefeated Los Angeles Chargers.
This is a big deal.
Let’s get into how this decision will affect the world.
I want to start with Giants head coach, Brian Daboll, who has all of his eggs in Dart’s basket.
Brian Daboll’s last gasp
Giants owner, John Mara, elected to reward a coaching staff responsible for only 3 wins last season, with one more chance to make him look like the worst owner in the NFL—and so far, 3 games into the 2025 season, Brian Daboll and his staff haven’t let Mara down yet.
In truth, if Brian Daboll is fired this season—he won’t get the opportunity to become an NFL head coach for at least a decade.
He can be an offensive coordinator or run a college program—but, yea, this is his last chance as the man in charge.
His future is literally tethered to the success of his rookie QB.
I imagine Daboll is hitting Dart up at 2am, just checking in to make sure Jaxson has a grasp on the playbook.
Shit, they might drive cross-country to the games together—just the two of them—so Brian can go over audibles and whisper positive affirmations in his ear while he slumbers.
What’s next for Russell Wilson?
Right now, Russell Wilson is listed as Dart’s backup QB.
It’s the kid’s first start, so it makes sense to keep the Super Bowl-winning vet ready on the sidelines in case Earth’s crust fractures and Jaxson is pulled into the flames of hell.
Let’s look at teams that might want Russ in their locker room if/when the Giants inevitably cut or trade Wilson:
1. New York Jets: Russ would be able to keep his nice apartment and play in the same exact stadium—but in green. He’s better than Tyrod Taylor and the Jets have a good enough roster to survive the Justin Fields injury if they had a slightlyyy better QB. I also love the idea of Russell Wilson spending the remainder of his career following Justin Fields around—taking his job from every single season.
2. Las Vegas Raiders: Russell Wilson flirted with a Pete Carroll reunion in Las Vegas but the Raiders pounced on Geno Smith. Turns out, both Russell Wilson and Geno Smith are having atrocious seasons thus far. Geno’s biggest problem is an overly generous offensive line, frequently allowing defenders to walk right past them on every play. Russ’s biggest problem is his conservative cowardice—THROWING THE BALL AWAY ON 4TH GOAL INSTEAD OF JUST TAKING A FUCKING SHOT AT A RECEIVER. I hate Russ, yo. Go away.
3. Miami Dolphins: The Dolphins are 0-3. Tua Tagovailoa plays like he’s still not sure if the forward pass is legal. Mike McDaniel is another head coach on the hot seat so maybe Russell can fully destroy their season next.
I hate Russell Wilson.
Malik Nabers’s new diet
Malik Nabers is the most talented receiver I’ve ever seen in a Giants uniform. Yes, more talented than the great Ike Hilliard—believe it or not.
A young QB should do everything in his power to put the ball in Nabers’s direction.
I just fear for his health.
How is Malik Nabers supposed to stay in shape for the season with Jaxson Dart feeding him all Sunday long like an obese e-girl and her OnlyFans feeders?
Malik will be swallowing balls not just on Sundays—but I imagine in practice all week—him sitting on the end of a round dinner table, ya know, the ones in shoddy Italian restaurants with the red and white checkered tableclothes—bib around his neck, fork and knife in hand—as a conveyor belt of balls are shoved down his throat.
Malik Nabers and the 1000-pound sisters will be my favorite TLC reality show in a year or two.
White boi winter
The Giants backfield’s biggest weakness is sunlight as Jaxson Dart joins forces with this sicko.
This 5’10” 220lb psycho just hit a backflip into a surfing celebration after his touchdown.
How can you not love Cam Skattebo?!
pic.twitter.com/fdNHpZB12V— Jeff Mueller, PT, DPT (@jmthrivept) September 22, 2025
We’re about to have a white boi winter in New Jersey as Jaxson Dart and Cam Skattebo become the heroes for all my Long Island MAGA neighbors.
Jaxson Dart even posted about Charlie Kirk’s passing on IG, something he did not have to do.
But I’ve said it before, I like when my star athletes are Republicans.
Good.
Do not read.
Take people’s word for it and focus on becoming great at your craft.
It’s a white boi winter now.
Don’t be shocked if this gives Cam Skattebo a little extra juice, ya know, playing with another minority.
Someone else who understands life as a white NFL player.
The Chargers are going to murder this man
The Los Angeles Chargers have one of the best defenses in the NFL.
Here’s where Jim Harbaugh’s maniacs rank amongst the league:
- 1st in success% (success% rates how frequently teams move the chains. The Chargers are the best at stopping teams from moving the chains)
- 7th in EPA/play
- 9th in rushing
- 11th in passing
- 5th in completion percentage allowed
Jaxson Dart is starting his first NFL game against a Top 10 defense.
OR
Jaxson Dart outduels the MVP favorite, Justin Herbert, and the Giants begin their 14-game winning streak to finish the season 14-3 with the first seed in the NFC and the highest odds to win the Super Bowl.
Just pray for Malik Nabers’s intestines. He’s going to eat sooooooooooooooooo fucking much.
Thanks for reading.
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