thelesterlee
Aaron Rodgers is currently on a historic ‘getting yelled at’ streak as he steps on a rake seemingly every time he takes his first morning steps out of bed. 2023 was one of the biggest runs for a guy just getting told he’s stupid on a daily basis.
It would be worthy of pity, if his desires to be the center of attention weren’t so obvious. He’ll choose infamy if it still means he gets remembered. A chip off the ol’ Brett Favre block, for real. Praying Jordan Love doesn’t drink the sink water in Green Bay.
Aaron Rodgers started the year snapping his achilles immediately after demanding a trade to the New York Jets and making the organization sign all of his drinking buddies along with him at the expense of the team. He spent the remainder of the season lying about being able to make a never-before-seen early return from an achilles tear before Rodgers finally let the Jets doctors announce he wasn’t coming back right before the end of the season. He so badly wanted to heroically wheelchair out to midfield during the National Anthem and then leap into the air at “AND THE ROCKETS RED GLARE” that he convinced himself his healing crystals and fruit smoothies were going to repair tears in his muscles.2
He waited until Week 15. There are 18 weeks in the season. Lol.
He shook off months of being called an idiot only to make his typical weekly TV spot on Pat McAfee’s midday ESPN show and imply Jimmy Kimmel was a pedophile to a live television audience.
It felt like Rodgers just wanted to throw sand in the eyes of a man he doesn’t like and accidentally accused him of being worried about Epstein’s client list coming out which you can’t just randomly throw out on ESPN on a slow Wednesday.
Once again, people screamed at Rodgers for being a weirdo again.
Personally, my favorite Rodgers moment that went super under the radar was when Aaron—who hadn’t been seen with the Jets on gameday since his injury—suddenly made his return to the sidelines on the same week the team was playing the Kansas City Chiefs on NBC’s big Sunday Night Football broadcast knowing Taylor Swift would be in attendance.
My man didn’t give a shit about the Jets but saw an opportunity to be on camera in front of the most people possible and turned into a 12th man on the end of the Warriors benching throwing towels in the air and hitting the cha-cha when Steph Curry makes a three.
And now Rodgers is taking his talents to the White House.
This week, the New York Times is reporting presidential “candidate” Robert Kennedy Jr has asked Aaron Rodgers if he would consider being his running mate and I can say with complete confidence I will be rushing to the local elementary school to vote for JFK’s self-hating special needs nephew who has dedicated his life to stopping vaccines from giving children autism and ending up just like him.
America is cooked anyway. We’ve got about 2-3 more years before we’re all underwater or turned to ash from a nuclear blast. We might as well let Aaron Rodgers try to be both the Vice President of the United States as well as the starting quarterback for the New York Jets.
Truly nothing bad can even happen under a Robert Kennedy Jr regime. This government is so broken it is impossible to pass anything unless it’s a TikTok ban because smartphones terrify the elderly. Do you think the goblins in DC making billions of dollars taking briefcases of cash from the pharmaceutical industry are going to let RFK and Aaron Rodgers pass any sort of legislation that can stop these big corporations? I mean shit, Aaron Rodgers is taking money from Johnson & Johnson RIGHT NOW.
Okay, maybe Robert Kennedy Jr will pass some executive order that removes all vaccine restrictions from schools and whooping cough makes a grand comeback. Hey, maybe a bunch of sick kids might finally inspire these gun weirdos to stop spraying up malls and get back to their roots of assassinating Kennedys.
Oh wait wait, I love when I’m writing something and new information gets dropped. Hold on.
BREAKING from me & @PamelaBrownCNN:
RFK Jr.’s VP prospect Aaron Rodgers has shared false Sandy Hook conspiracy theories in private conversationshttps://t.co/W1eCJ8XnSD
— Jake Tapper (@jaketapper) March 13, 2024
Apparently at a 2013 Kentucky Derby party, Aaron Rodgers was introduced to Pamela Brown, a CNN reporter, and bothered her about the media’s lies and lack of coverage over the Sandy Hook conspiracy. This motherfucker won THREE MVPS AFTER THIS.
Here’s my favorite part of the story:
CNN has spoken to another person with a similar story. This person, to whom CNN has granted anonymity so as to avoid harassment, recalled that several years ago, Rodgers claimed, “Sandy Hook never happened…All those children never existed. They were all actors.”
This confirmed it for me. I am voting for Aaron Rodgers. I don’t even want him to be VP. This dork deserves to be president. There has never been a more successful 4chan user. His ability to read NFL defenses just as well as he reads every single bullshit conspiracy theory online is unrivaled. No one’s brain is working harder than his. There has never been a greater distance between someone’s hand-eye coordination and their ability to discern their own reality.
RFK Jr and Rodgers have my vote. Finally, candidates running to restore FDR’s America but less of his policies and more of his polio.
Is Aaron Rodgers dumb? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. Let me know if you think RFK Jr and Aaron Rodgers should run America so I can call the police and they can free the family you have trapped in your basement.
