thelesterlee
We may have just witnessed the most boring NBA Finals as the Boston Celtics beat the Dallas Mavericks in 5 uneventful games. It’s easy to hate seeing Boston Celtics fans experience joy and clowning Jayson Tatum for being a cornball is second nature at this point but I can’t help but think ESPN’s NBA broadcasts aided in this feeling of malaise.
I don’t want to get into all of the TNT/NBC news but we all know TNT’s NBA broadcasts were exponentially better watches than whatever ESPN has been doing the last few years but ESPN isn’t going anywhere. They’re still the worldwide leader in sports—despite their best efforts to make you avoid their NBA pregame, halftime and postgame shows.
So let’s try to fix ESPN’s NBA broadcasts because they’re not going anywhere and I love the NBA too much to be yawning through Finals games.
Let’s start with the pre-show and halftime show.
Get Stephen A. Smith OUT of here
Stephen A. Smith has always been a narcissistic fool with an overinflated sense of importance but recently he’s gotten out of control. You can see it on First Take as real analysts and former WNBA players tell him he’s wrong about his Caitlin Clark fixation while Stephen A. personalizes all critiques, lashing out at his guests and looking like a thin-skinned, adult toddler in his big suits that don’t fit.
Stephen A. has spent this week on First Take shitting on JJ Redick (his coworker at ESPN) for doing a podcast with LeBron and being one of the finalists for the Lakers head coaching position. TODAY, Smith said the Lakers should look at fired-after-one-season Monty Williams, the guy who 14 games last season and was playing Evan Fournier more than the young guys who have a future.
I will never forget Stephen A. going on First Take and saying ‘he heard’ Lonzo Ball’s knees are so destroyed that he can’t even get out of a chair. Lonzo was eligible for a contract this offseason and Stephen A. 1000% was told something by someone in the Bulls front office knowing Stephen would blurt it out on TV so they could get away with not paying Lonzo.
I could list off all the reasons he sucks all day long but the second ESPN realizes Stephen A. Smith needs them wayyyyy more than they need Stephen A. Smith, they may save their NBA coverage.
Here he is during the halftime of Game 5, stumbling through a rant using his scamming preacher voice, providing absolutely zero insight and yelling observations a child could while Malika, embarrassed for him, looks away trying not to laugh:
“So where the hell is the disgust? Because I’m disgusted! This is Game 5 of the NBA Finals, and you’re on the road, the stars show up!… Luka is holding on to the ball too damn much… Kyrie is just a no-show! Just an absolute no-show right now!…” – Stephen A. Smith pic.twitter.com/rKSkhZlr1y
— Awful Announcing (@awfulannouncing) June 18, 2024
Smith shouts at the top of his lungs about some random bullshit he spotted on the box scores interns printed for them, trying everything in his power to make the game you’re watching about himself in some way, while Michael Wilbon and Bob Myers look at the floor or their sheets of paper or sometimes at each other as if to say “here we go again”. His schtick doesn’t work in 2024 and it certainly doesn’t work next to laid-back guys who, ya know, want to actually talk about basketball.
Malinka Andrews has grown on me a lot. Not that I ever believed she was bad I just didn’t have much of an opinion at all but she does a good job keeping the ball moving and understanding how much time is on the shot clock.
I have no idea why Michael Wilbon is there. Perhaps to add historical context? I’ll never know because he mostly argues with Stephen A. Smith.
Bob Myers can stay or go. Who cares? He’ll be back in an NBA front office soon. This, like all things in life, is temporary.
Get JJ Redick out of here
Speaking of JJ Redick to the Lakers, hopefully JJ becomes the next coach simply because the 3-man weave between he, Doris Burke and Mike Breen, doesn’t work.
And before I complain about their in-game commentary, I must declare this is not about to become a Jeff Van Gundy/Mark Jackson lovefest. Those two men are just as responsible for ruining ESPN’s NBA product as Stephen A. Smith. They spent the entire game disagreeing with every single foul and praising how much better basketball was back in their day.
I know everyone believes they’re such free thinkers but most of our knowledge of the game, especially growing up, is given to us via the in-game play-by-play. Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson created a generation of fans who think the NBA is soft because they dare have rules.
Instead of explaining the referee’s thought process when they blew the whistle and bridging the gap between what a casual fan may see on any given play with their years of knowledge—they elected to openly mock not only the refs but the players.
You will never watch an NFL broadcast with the play-by-play guys telling you how much the current NFL sucks compared to their day and how everyone’s soft now and the physicality in that sport is astronomically different than it used to be, still, the broadcast understands why the refs blow their whistle and would never imply a quarterback is being a baby, even if they disagree with a roughing the passer call.
Jeff Van Gundy and Mark Jackson sucked. I cannot stress that enough.
But Doris Burke and JJ Redick are too similar. Doris is the analytical nerd but she becomes overly gracious to JJ to the degree that she’ll step on her own point just to ask for his opinion, making sure he gets involved. It’s weird.
Doris and JJ are redundant.
Plus, JJ only has one speed. It could be the final seconds of a one-possession game in the NBA Finals and coming out of the last timeout, JJ will have the same energy he has in the middle of the 1st quarter. Mike Breen is phenomenal in big moments but you’re a lot of him to carry TWO chill, laid-back speakers.
Mike Breen and Doris Burke can handle the games. JJ should go do podcasts. Or hell, if he’s so great at podcasting, why not bring him into the halftime studio shows along with, say, Candace Parker from TNT to sit next to Malika Andrews? Kendrick Perkins won me over by becoming a Jalen Brunson fan this season so sure, he can be their version of Shaq.
Everything Else
NFL has no trouble growing their sport because ESPN understands the importance of telling stories. Sunday Countdown is a phenomenal NFL pre-show, despite how much Rex Ryan is involved, because ESPN sends reporters out to tell long-form stories about the players. I’ll never forget the story about DeAndre Hopkins’s mom going blind after being attacked by acid and how Hopkins always hands her the ball after he scores. I became a Hopkins fan.
ESPN’s NBA coverage is more focused on tearing all of the players down than building anyone up. The audience doesn’t even get the opportunity to fall in love with any of the players before Stephen A. Smith shits on them. Luka Doncic is 25 years old. ESPN should be building their coverage around this young man who has a decade of MVP-level play ahead of him but instead, they highlight all of his imperfections.
Nikola Jokic is the best basketball player in the world and you’d think he was Vladimir fucking Radmanovic the way ESPN broadcasts treat him.
On top of ESPN’s inability to recognize how crucial it is to, ya know, promote the players in the games they themselves are hoping we all watch, there’s a reason why everyone’s excited for the NBA’s return to NBC.
ESPN needs to hire a composer and an orchestra. Create a sound synonymous with ESPN’s NBA broadcasts. A sound every man, woman and child can identify as a big, important basketball game on ESPN is starting.
*wipes hands clean* ah, problems solved.
If ESPN doesn’t care about their NBA broadcasts then why should we?
I am available for consulting work. You know how to reach me.
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How would you change ESPN’s NBA broadcasts? Leave a comment below. Respond on Twitter, Facebook or Instagram. Or shoot me an email at Deadseriousmailbag@gmail.com. Let’s chat, bay-beeeee. Let me know if you love ESPN’s NBA broadcasts so I can study your brain for science.
